What does not kill us makes us stronger
by Its-real-to-us
Summary: Dan is popular, with a seemingly perfect family. Phil is the polar opposite with few friends and a termed broken home. Despite being at the same boarding school they have never encountered each other, but due to an unplanned exclusion, they end up roommates. Despite initial hostility, when stereotypes are shed they discover they need each other in the most extraordinary of ways.
1. Chapter 1 - Just a dream

**Hiya everyone, this is my first ever fan-fiction (YAY!) As you can probably tell from the title and category that this is a PHAN fan-fiction. I hope you will enjoy as, regardless of whether or not the ship is real (I can dream can't I), I just cannot deny their chemistry and ma feelz. So, sit back, relax and enjoy, even if the ship can only be real in imagination.**

**DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of the characters in this story and all of the events, scenarios and emotions expressed are purely fictional and nothing more. Rated T for triggers (slight suicide/ self harm) and possible swearing.**

**Chapter 1 - The Night before...**

**Phil POV:**

The torrent of names and insults cut deeper and deeper into my soul more than any knife ever could. _Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless._Their faces a blur of anger as they became to swirl around me, encircling me like a helpless prey animal waiting for the final, silencing blow that would end the torture. But it would never come. Their harsh, bitter words grew louder and louder and I felt myself grow smaller and smaller. Faster and faster they escalated – my muffled cries of mercy silenced by their venom.

_Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless._Tears attempted to fall, but I could not cry – for this was all too real, all too common for me. Besides, I had taught myself not to give them the satisfaction. All emotion was drained from me, yet the fear still remained. I was that petrified rabbit in the headlights and this vehicle was never going to slow down. I wanted to scream, to run, but their words had me frozen.

_Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!_

_Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!_

_Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!_

My torture was only just beginning. This was never going to end. Never. Never. NEVER!...

I was shocked back to reality from my own petrified thoughts, the malicious wordplay echoing through them before dissipating._Just a dream. Just a dream._My eyes shot open and plunder aimlessly in the darkness, unfocused, but able to make out the blurry silhouettes of my old, un-fashionable furniture.I groan vocally as I haul myself up to lean against my headboard which winces as I bear my weight against it. I feel around helplessly along to my bedside cabinet for my glasses, placing them on and immediately wincing at the glare from my alarm clock. **11.00 pm.**I groan once more at the realisation that I have only been asleep two hours. _It's going to be a long, long night._

I gently rest my head against the chipped, wooden headboard – its cold edge providing sweet relief to my clammy, quivering form. I glance around my room, but there is only darkness. I have always loved the darkness. To me, it is a place I can escape; to me it is not a source of fear or harm, but solitude, especially when compared to the bright, red flaming faces of my tormentors. Still, even darkness must leave me and I must face those headlights again and again, everyday until I have the sweet release of eternal darkness.

I have always wished for it, through these four years of pain and anguish. I have even attempted it on occasions. A blade to my wrists to release my crimson blood and my soul; a mouthful of un-labelled medication with ingredients far too complicated to be safe for human consumption - perfect; even a prolonged state of breathlessness as I hold myself under the scorching bathwater. Yet. There is always that niggling tug of emotion that subconsciously prevents the blade from going too deep; prevents my body from succumbing from the effects of my overdose; choking my lungs causing me to gasp for breath and one again fill them with precious oxygen…and life. That stupid, selfish, torturous weight is my mother, who despite my hate filled, bitter and twisted core, I could never harm through grief. She has done so much for me, despite her treacherous, cheating bastard of a husband deserting her.

I look over to my dilapidated wardrobe and recoil at the sight. My newly cleaned and ironed uniform hung over me. I grimaced at the thought of having to return to that place. That hell-hole, where I am completely alone.**St Mathews Academy Boarding School.**_At least here there are no ties to prevent you from release._ _Nothing stopping you from doing it. Go on. I dare you…_I quickly snap myself away from these thoughts and look away from the uniform. Surely this year would be different. Surely there must be a bright side. I know I have said this before, but damn it, I am not going to let those pathetic thugs get to me, at least not as much. Anyway, this term will be shorter, what with our exams and everything, so at least I could escape before the hot, uncomfortable summer when even the darkness does not provide comfort.

I slide silently back down into my covers and try to revel in their warmth. I cautiously remove my glasses, place them on the side and return myself to my unfocused and unnervingly vulnerable state. I close my eyes carefully, taking deep breaths as the swirl of acrid, venomous bile is spewed from my torturers mouths once more, but, I must get some sleep, I at least want to be aware of any potential captors tomorrow. _Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless._Another slow, painstaking breath escapes. _You'll be fine Phil. It's just a dream. Just a dream._

**Dan POV:**

_I am going to kill him, that…that worthless, arrogant piece of sh-_I was immediately shaken from my thoughts by my mother's strict, shrill voice echoing through our, long and winding hallway. _Ugh, I can see where this is going…_

"Daniel James Howell, if you do not get to sleep this instance I shall come straight up there and confiscate any and all items of leisure and enjoyment from your room," my mother hollered, her sharp, school mistress tones piercing the air towards my bedroom. "It's nearly midnight and I will not have you setting a bad example when you return to school tomorrow. You have alrea-," My mind shut out her voice after she began to enter one of her full-blown rants that would shrink even the most daring students back to sniveling, shaking first years.

I hate having such a control freak for a mother, who cared nothing more than her public image and forceful values. I suppose that is to be expected from a strict religious upbringing, not that there is anything wrong with that. Yet, seriously, I have always tried to adhere to her ideal idea of a son; just because I am not an apple polisher who regards the rules as gospel. _But your not the ideal son are you Dan, eh? You may act like it, but we both know she will reject you if she found out…_ No, no I cannot think about her or her pretentious values right now for I have bigger, more pressing issues to attend to.

**11:30pm. **The light from my phone glared ominously at my tired eyes, but I have no option but to focus on the issue at hand. I have tried ringing his phone over fifty times already and yet I am still greeting by those dulcet, computerized words "Please leave your message after the tone". I sleepily rub my hand over my tired eyes and brush my fringe from my face. I groan loudly as I select the contact I need. **Jack Howard.**_Worthless, piece of-_"Please leave your message after the tone" I groan much more loudly this time and throw my phone to the floor, but careful enough so it does not break. I tell you, if my mother found my phone broken that would be the end of Dan Howell.

Anyway, despite the technical difficulty my anger at my so-called friend has not subsided. I cannot believe he would do this. Oh, in case you are wondering my so called _friend_ has gone and got himself excluded and has left me without a roommate, meaning that I will have to be moved to another room – or worse have to have some low-life new meat invade my territory. I shudder at the thought. I cannot comprehend that situation, that would just be- No, that will not happen, I am sure of it. _I hope._

I mean, it is not the initial fact of his exclusion that has induced my escalating anger, but, the fact that he has chosen to ignore the responsibility of telling me until today. Today – after six whole weeks with plenty of opportunities to inform me of his departure. It was only after I received the formal letter from my school that the news was finally given to me, although this didn't actually tell me why he was removed. _Although I can probably guess it involved something prohibited or indecent. Let's just say that if it was illegal, he would probably be behind it._

I chuckle slightly to myself as I reminisce about the numerous foiled schemes of my best friend. I suppose the idea of having a new roommate wouldn't be such a bad idea, in fact given the status of my previous one it may even be a blessing in disguise. I shuffle under my covers and wrap them around myself, closing my eyes and trying to convert all of my excitement for tomorrow into concentration in sleep. _Hey, I might even be placed in one of the girls' rooms, yes, that would be good, yes…_

_…wouldn't it?_

**...so, how was it? Not too cheesy I hope...Anyway, please feel free to review and tell me how to think it went. I am open to any constructive criticism and any ideas you may have...See you around for round 2...**

**P.S. Sorry about the cliche title but I am terrible at titles...**


	2. Chapter 2 - School yard demons

**DING DING DING round 2...YAY!. Soooo, enjoying so far? I hope so :) Anyways, I hope you don't find my writing too cheesy and fluffy because believe me, it will get alot worse :)...**

**Phil POV:**

They say miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do your fears, but what if all that you dream is that same fear, pain and anguish? What if there is no positive example that can be used to make that miracle happen? If all you dream is the fear that takes all your energy, how can there be any left to allow such a miracle. My mind aches from the constant taunting of the voices and my emotions drained. Throat dry and eyes stinging with tears, I wonder whether or not I can do this. Why must I wake up? This darkness is my only source of comfort, solitude, but it is on the wrong side of my eyes, and soon the blades of sunlight pierce my skin and this weak, defenseless caterpillar is forced from its cocoon too soon. Too soon to face my school yard demons.

I groggily emerge from underneath my covers and the cold creeps in – the morning sunlight providing no warmth, but just a blinding eyesore and a reminder of the uphill struggle ahead of me. _You can do this Phil….No you can't! Yes you can… _My mind was swimming and I would have given anything to escape its cruel taunting. I haul myself up and swing my legs round as I sit upright and try to control my thinking. _You know, the razor is just in there…you know where the pills are Phil…time for a bath Phillip…_No, I am not going to cave in, I'm stronger than you and with that I determinedly reached for my glasses and begin to head downstairs.

As I trudge down the hard creaking staircase, wincing as bare flesh met cold wood; I am instantly hit by the sweet, inviting aroma of one of my favorites. _Waffles!_ I am touched by the gesture as my mother normally only makes me these on special occasions, she is obviously trying to make me feel as comfortable about today as possible. _God, why does she have to care so much?!_

I enter the kitchen begrudgingly, knowing that despite my hesitance I cannot deny my growling stomach and my ever so slight obsession with these delicious delights. I turn to face my mother, a small appreciative smile tugging at my lips as I head towards the neatly laid table. _Why does she have to always make such an effort?_

I feel the air move and the aroma intensify as she approaches me, but I keep my head down. I cannot afford to meet her gaze and gain any emotion. I must remain numb if I am to survive today and beyond. She places the steaming plate in front of me and places a reassuring hand on my shoulder – a slither of her shining brunette hair falling delicately into place.

"Phil, sweetheart, I know how worried you must be for today and-," she spoke softly, her slight northern accent radiating through. "-I am truly so, so proud of you and, even-though you have been through so much and endured so much, you truly are amazing"

I couldn't help but meet her gaze now. I slowly craned my neck up to be greeted to a comforting face of care, compassion and empathy - the face of the one person who had stuck by me no matter what. _Oh why must there be so much love in one person's eyes, why must she do so much and expect so little? I have to do this, I have to face up to those mean and nast- …You can't do this Phil, you're just a weak, little- … Yes I can! _My thoughts had never been this forceful before and I feel oceans form in my deep, blue eyes.

"I-I-I d-don't know if I c-can face them…I d-don't know if I can last…," I trailed off, my eyes drowning and my throat closing.

"Oh come here my brave, brave boy," she comforted, pulling me into a tight, loving embrace. "Now you listen to me you are going to be fine at St Andrews; you are smart, caring and have a heart as big as the rest of us – combined. Do not listen to anything those callous brutes say, you are going to do so well this year that they will have to bow down to you, understand?," I nod through a muffled whimper as I bury my head in her shoulder. I pull away slightly.

"But, what ab-bout my abnormality, me b-being g-different," I mutter as almost an ashamed whisper before burying my head back into her shoulder, inhaling her comforting scent and relishing the warmth.

"You are no different from anyone at that school. Just because you are gay does not mean you should be treated any differently. Be proud of it, for it makes you who you are and you are amazing, Phil," she cooed, proudly, causing a distinct blush to form on my cheeks as I nod happily embarrassed. _I have to do this for you mum, for you are the one person I care about._

"Now, I don't want to hear another word," she beamed, gleeful at the evident change in my expression. "So, eat up or you'll start me off," then she wiped my tears from my eyes and went back to busying herself at the kitchen sink, humming an uplifting tune that I didn't recognize. _I am going to be ok; I am going to get through this, for the most important person in my life is behind me. _With that I devoured my breakfast in content silence, lifted by the loving pep-talk and ready to face my school-yard demons once again.

**Please feel free to review with constructive criticism and I am open to any ideas...see ya round :)**

**P.S - **Apologies for the shortness of the chapter - procrastination is a cruel mistress :p Byeeeeee!


	3. Chapter 3 - The Great Escape

**Hiya everyone! 91 views already!...wow, I'm surprised my cliche writing style hasn't scared you off - there's still time :) I hope you all will continue to read along - don't worry the feelz will come later. *in bad Scar accent* Be prepared! Mwahahaha**

**Dan POV:**

My mind is immediately assaulted by the ever familiar, but ever bittersweet ringing indicating to me that it was time to leave my comforting cocoon and venture forth to school. I remove my warm shield and glance at the vibrating object on my bed side cabinet; wincing as the piercing glare of the screen penetrates. I groan heavily as it blinds me, and I rub my eyes sleepily – impatient for them to adjust as I slam my fist onto the snooze button. _At least I will be going to school_.

A sad smile forms automatically at the thought. I bet you never thought a popular teenager in this day and age would say that, but it's true, that school is much more of a home to me than this place. Of course it has its fair share of foibles, namely the incessant and annoyingly persistent teachers; _Seriously Miss Wooten, __Parlezvous-français__? I think not!_ – and of course the painstakingly slow queues for the school canteen; _Not that the food is anything to get excited about – _but, even with all of this; it still beats a daily lecture about the importance of discipline, religion or any other principles my parents want to force onto me.

I groan much more loudly this time at the prospect of the "discipline at school" lecture this morning. As regular as clockwork, my mother would spout her spiel about always getting the highest grades; we_ll that's never going to happen_ and how you are only in school to learn. _If you're having fun, you are not learning_. I recoil at the memory of my mothers stern tones, whilst futilely trying to suppress a mocking snigger. I glance back over to my alarm clock. **7:30am **_CRAP!_ Upon my sudden realisation that I should have been downstairs fifteen minutes ago, I quickly dart from my bed, collect my thankfully scratch-free mobile from the carpet, and rush downstairs into the awaiting storm.

"What time do you call this," my mother snarls, her icy tones cutting through the silence.

"I-I must have overslept…I'm sorry, it was only fifteen minutes…," I trail off, as I shrink under her piercing gaze. "I'm sure we won't be late, w-we don't have to arrive until 10 anyway, as it is moving day," I straighten up as I finish in a futile attempt to appear undaunted by her overbearing authority, but receive nothing more than an ignorant sneer.

"Well, be that as it may…," my mother starts, "…you should have been downstairs at the appropriate time regardless. I am a strong believer in reinforcing discipline…" _Here we go… _"…which can only be upheld through appropriate and thorough retention and repetition of the rules" I glare slightly at the pomposity of her tone as she sneers at me from above her black rimmed glasses. "Isn't that right Harold?" she questioned, gesturing towards a tall, well built man tailored in a spotless black suit and sporting a rapidly balding head. _I hope baldness isn't hereditary_.

"Most definitely darling…"he nodded peering menacingly from behind his Daily Telegraph; my stomach turning at his affection towards the shriveled gargoyle. _Any want for breakfast has now been completely eradicated_

"Daniel, it is of vital importance that you do everything that we tell you for all we are trying to do is refine you into a good Christian citizen which will hopefully help you succeed in life"

I nod aimlessly having tuned out of my fathers aggravating oratory before meandering towards the surprisingly informal laid table and slouch into my usual seat. Resting my sleepy head on my hand I mindlessly flick through Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr; anything to distract myself from this awkward situation and see me through until we must leave for St Mathews.

"Sit up straight young man…table manners do not cost anything and you will do well to remember that" she growled, staring me down with loveless eyes as she slams the disgusting excuse of breakfast in front of me. _Ugh, even prisoners do not have it this bad. _"Now eat up, health food is brain food and with your exams coming up this summer you are going to need all the help you can get if you are to get those top grades" Cruelty was my mothers favorite weapon of choice when it came to encouragement. _Tough love she called it_.

I was never the sharpest tool in the toolbox and my mother knew this all too well; regardless of how far behind I fell, even if I tried my absolute best, she would always stick the knife in even further – belittling me in front of my teachers and calling me lazy or careless. _In the end I just stopped caring. _I quickly shake myself from these thoughts and quickly devour the "breakfast" before me, anxious to escape this loveless cage and see all of my loving friends. _They wouldn't love you if they knew…_Not now, not today, not ever!

**THANK YOU to all those who have reviewed, I will try to respond to every single review and I welcome the feedback. **


	4. Chapter 4 - I believe in you

**Hiya everyone, so here is chapter 4 - I hope you will enjoy. Anyway, I hope you don't mind the length of this chapter as I really wanted to go into detail in terms of the emotions that Phil is feeling (I hope it isn't too badly written) **

**Phil POV:**

It is funny how much you miss as you go about your daily life; blissfully unaware of the beauty around you – as cliche as it sounds. I gaze longingly out of my car window, trying to absorb as much of this alluring artistry as possible. The swirling fingers of brown and green entwining themselves into brilliant blues in a tantalizing mosaic in front of me; the bustling ants that dot that canvas, going about their daily lives; so many stories being told through the shapes and colors, but, I am driving away from that now. As the unpleasant nostalgia creeps in I, much like a child leaving the greatest holiday ever, slowly begin to realize that I am returning to a place without beauty; the vivid palette replaced by dull grey and the harmless ants replaced by violent wasps. _You are never going to survive another year here Phil, you're worthless…useless…_

Resting my pounding temples on the glass, surprisingly unperturbed by the encroaching crick in my neck, I shudder at the iciness that provides sweet release. With a fleeting glance to the rear-view mirror I am greeted by a kind pair of brown eyes flickering with worry. I flash a very unconvincing half smile at them before averting my gaze to my suddenly very interesting lap. I hate to see my mother's anxiety towards me, but at the same time it provides an essence of comfort as it illustrates the possibility to me that at least someone cares – cares about this pathetic, worthless lowlife. _There's no use thinking like this Phil, she will not be there to help you – no one will be able to save you this time. _

I cringe at the acidity of my thoughts and rub my temples in a futile attempt to neutralize them. I cannot afford my messed up mind to hinder me when already my body is weak; weak from the scars that this place has given me and will give me. _You won't be able to survive this again-_ My mind is quickly interrupted by the screeching of gravel under rubber and the violent yanking of a hand-break. I had been so engulfed by my own thoughts that I had not noticed the towering school approaching; its cold, grey stonework and misted windows beckoning me.

I futilely attempt to swallow the growing lump in my throat as I open the car door; the cool autumn breeze soothing my frayed nerves. Like an apprehensive foal taking its first steps, I clamber out and attempt to steady myself; the sheer thought of this place weakening my knees. I lean against the cold metal of the car as I regain my composure and nervously begin to follow my mother, who has already started to approach the large, auburn doors of my dormitory building. I avert my gaze from my mother's eyes for the entirety of the short, but seemingly long, distance to the entrance, afraid of the emotion that will spill over from their kindness.

The reception is just as drab and depressing as I remember it. The fading and slightly stained crimson carpet that groans with every footstep; the deathly pale walls with their dated school photographs hanging limply – nothing has changed, not even the chipped and dusty reception desk that has not been cleaned since the school opened. _Who are you kidding Phil, it will always be the same – and you know what that means…_I wish my thoughts would remain silent for just a second. If this is what I am going to be like for the entire year I do not know how I will cope. _Or if I will…_I am quickly shaken from these thoughts by the gesturing of the slightly plump, raven haired receptionist, calling me forward, Mrs Lucas I think her name was - my mother smiling comfortingly beside her.

"Good morning Mr Lester, welcome back, it's good to see you," she smiled, brandishing her set of brilliantly white teeth. "I trust you are aware of the slight change in sleeping arrangement" _Wait, what change in sleeping arrangement?_

I stand there dumbfounded at her before attempting to choke out a response.

"Um…w-what change in…um" I stutter out in a hushed whisper. _God, why am I so socially awkward._

"Um, what change in sleeping arrangements would that be?" my mother finished, before flashing a quick reassuring smile towards me, causing me to respond in kind, whilst still avoiding her gaze. _How can she be so good with words, yet I am so terrible – God, I am so useless._

"Oh, did you not receive the letter?" Mrs Lucas inquired, a slight expression of annoyance and embarrassment tugging at her make-up caked features. "I am terribly sorry, but it appears that due to an unplanned exclusion-," her face frowned into a disappointed grimace as she said the words, "-I am afraid that Phil will need to be moved into another one with one of our other students, as we do not like to have too many students in rooms on their own"

"Oh, I see, I suppose that doesn't sound too problematic, you don't mind that do you Phil?" my mother asked, turning to me, who until now had been able to avoid her eye contact. I try to ignore the love that is attempting to break me and respond. I feel my throat close and all I can do is give a nonchalant nod before returning my gaze to the floor.

"Brilliant, I knew this wouldn't be too much of a problem. Don't worry, this room is very nice and your roommate is very friendly – Daniel Howell I think his name is, let me just have a quick look" she beamed, reassured by our un-annoyed responses, before busying herself behind the desk with a menagerie of papers.

I turn my head back to my mother and a small smile tugs at my lips as I try to appear relaxed, despite my now-shredded nerves. She returns the smile in kind, her eyes swimming with reassurance.

"Don't worry, you will be fine, I believe in you, my little lion," she whispers, her tone sincere as she hasn't called me her little lion since I was a child. I miss those days, for I was actually quite a happy child. It was only when I reached this school that all notes of happiness dissipated – as the whirl of hate came thick and fast. I suppose that is the price for going to a small primary school – you are not exposed to what children are really like. _And the price to pay for being someone like you. _

I respond with a slight nod and an attempted look of confidence as the receptionist returns with my room key and papers.

"Yes, his name is Daniel Howell, lovely boy, bit talkative, but you two should get on fine. Now, your new room is number 27, it is on the second floor, it is not too difficult to spot. Here is your key and your new timetable. Lessons begin tomorrow and well, you know the rest. Any questions?" Mrs Lucas explains. I shake my head, sadly knowing the school routine like the back of my hand. Unfortunately, when your mind has no friends or funny memories to think about, you find yourself with the oddest things etched into your mind. She hands me my things before returning to her desk.

I turn back to my mother, who has tears in her eyes as she knows she must now leave me on my own. _You will always be alone Phil, you are worthless…_

"Don't worry about me Mum, I will be fine, I promise," I smile, although it looks more like a grimace. I hated lying to her like this, as I knew full well I will be anything but fine.

"I know you will, my brave, brave boy" she grins, sighing slightly. "Now, I suppose I better go, I bet you have lots of unpacking to do and you don't want your old Mum getting in the way, I will see you at Christmas then shall I" I nod sadly and with that she locks me in a tender, motherly embrace, pressing a light kiss to my forehead before brushing my fringe from my drowning eyes and turning to leave. I want to run, to shout after her and hold on tight like a terrified child so that she will never leave me. I shuffle futilely at the carpet, but the friction holds me in place, subconsciously willing me to be brave as I watch her close the doors behind her.

_I believe in you my little lion. _My mother's words swarm my mind, barricading my thoughts from any self-doubt. I know I can do this, I must, and that I can survive this final year, so with that I grab my suitcase and head in the direction of my new room. A flicker of self-assurance resting on my features. _I believe in you…_

**Thank you to all those who have reviewed and viewed my story so far. I hope its not too boring or cheesy :p Stay tuned for chapter 5...Byeeeee!**


	5. Chapter 5 - Home sweet home

**Hiya everyone, two chapters in one day :) I guess I am getting better with procrastination...sooooo I hope you don't mind the detail in this story as I find that it helps me write it...somehow...Enjoy!**

**Dan POV:**

I could hardly contain my excitement as my ears were greeted by the familiar crunching of gravel under our cars worn down deflating tires. Like an excited toddler at their birthday party, I had been itching to break free of the shackles of my mother and return to the only place where I truly felt at home and now I had the chance. She had not spoken to me for the entirety of the hour long journey, so the only thing to prevent my thoughts from exploding with anticipation was the slight whir of BBC Radio 2, which I would do anything to not listen to.

As soon as the car ground to a halt and the engine sighed in relaxation; I enthusiastically threw open the door, earning a rather disapproving glare from my mother, slamming it behind me, the crisp autumn air, wrapping me in a welcoming embrace as I carelessly threw my things from the car. _This is going to be a good year…_I was immediately pulled from my positive thoughts by my mother's bitter intonation as she shot me a menacing grimace carved in stone.

"Behave yourself young man," she snarled, her voice dripping with malice. "You are on school grounds now and I will not have you showing me up with your ridiculous tomfoolery. Stand up straight and carry your things properly. We have paid good money for you to be here so you will present yourself as such" I nod condescendingly, my stomach churning with disdain at the shriveled old gargoyle as I pick up my things in an overly exaggerated, pretentious fashion; a caricature of her stereotypical view of a boarding school boy. Sadly, my gesture goes unnoticed as she just waltzes past me ignorantly towards the light brown entrance, turning round only briefly to shoot me a disapproving shake of her head. _At least I will be shot of her soon…_

I am greeted by the ever familiar, if slightly dull, reception area, still fronted by the stocky, dark-haired woman sat behind a crumbling wooden desk; a fake smile plastered on her overly-make-up covered face. I smile back politely as I approach, hiding the encroaching snigger spreading across my features as I picture a clowns face reflecting from hers. _Why anyone would need that much make-up I will never know. _

_"_Ah, Mr Howell, long time no see, welcome back, I trust you have kept out of trouble since we last saw each other" she inquired, a small grin tugging at her bright red lips.

"Sure have, but what makes you think I am one to get into trouble?" I grin mischievously, earning a much more severe glare from my mother. The receptionist, whose name I cannot remember, sensing the heat rising in my mother's eyes, winks at me playfully before distracting my mother with some boring technicalities involving this year. Despite the fact that the school staffs have never been, nor will ever be my best friends, she has always been kind to me. I am no angel when it comes to school, but her kind face and smiley demeanor could always cheer me up after a stressful day – plus, she also had a knack for charming the other teachers, so she could normally get me out of a particularly difficult situation.

"-And finally, are you aware of the change in sleeping arrangements involving your sons room?" the receptionist asked my mother, anxiously awaiting an annoyed response, which most of the teachers here came to expect when it came to my mother.

"Ah, yes, but can I say I think this is very unacceptable to have excluded _my_ sons roommate during the most stressful year of his exams. He is already having difficulties with his studies, without some new spotty faced imbecile providing another distraction, not that his previous roommate was much better-," my mother growled. _Eager not to disappoint I see._ I shrink into my thoughts and avert my gaze to the floor as she blathers on; hating every opportunity my mother has to belittle me in front of anyone, disgust spreading across my features and my chest tightening.

My discomfort must have been evident as the kind receptionist, shooting me a quick encouraging smile, cuts her off and attempts to cool the situation, "I can assure you, Mrs Howell any changes made to your sons living arrangements were done with his best intentions in mind and that any consequences that arise from this change will be dealt with immediately, besides, Daniel's new roommate is far from a _spotty faced imbecile_ as you call him, so if anything, he will help your son" her voice confident, with a hint of superiority, which made me grin widely at the idea of my mother being put in her place.

"Yes…anyway-," my mother scoffed, smoothing down her tired and dated suit in an attempted gesture of composure. "Is there anything else?"

"No, I think that is it, here is your new timetable Daniel, I trust you can remember the rest," she grins triumphantly, winking at me as I nod, taking my timetable with an equally wide smile.

"Well, Daniel, I will collect you at Christmas, remember what I told you – if you are having fun, you are not learning and this is the most important year of your life if you are to get those top grades," she glared, that tone of superiority returning once again.

"I will mum, don't worry," I smile flakily, and with that she turns and leaves. No loving hug or reassurance, no gentle goodbye or even a smile. I suppose that is to be expected from a loveless, bitter and twisted dementor like her. _Still, it's probably a good thing as the thought of sharing a motherly embrace with her makes my skin crawl. _

Anyway, nothing is going to spoil my mood today as I could not be happier, I was finally back at the place that I have been longing to return to for the entirety of the six weeks of summer. Eagerly, and still grinning like a madman at the memory of the receptionist whose name I still cannot remember standing up to my authoritative mother, I turn to gather my belongings and make my way to my room when my thoughts are interrupted by a familiar voice.

"OI HOWELL!" the voice calls from the top of the stairs, followed a crescendo of footsteps until finally I can put a face to the voice. I look up attentively at the brown eyed boy in front of me, sporting a blue hooded jumper and black skinny jeans, smiling as his socks slide on the shiny, polished wood.

"Hi Chris, when did you get here?" I beam pleased to see my best friend that I have not seen for such a long time, due to my overbearing mother.

"Um…bout an hour ago, Dad had an important meeting or something so he decided to drop me and Peej off early, which I was not pleased about" he grins mischievously, brushing his messy brown hair from his eyes. "Anyway enough about me, what about you, the wicked witch still keeping you prisoner" he joked, fully aware of how cruel and controlling she can be as he recalled her stern tones and colorful vocabulary after he accidentally dropped Dan off half an hour late from a party.

_"If you're having fun, you're not learning,"_ I retort, emphasizing her pompous tone of voice perfectly, causing Chris to laugh uncontrollably. "It's good to see you-hiya PJ," I continue as I stare at the boy starting to walk down the stairs to join us, his bright green eyes glinting as he spots me.

"Hey Dan, long time no see, say have you heard about Jack then?" he inquires, a quizzically worried expression across his face.

"Great Peej, be the bearer of bad news," Chris scowled, before turning back to me with equally inquiring features. _God, news travels fast in this place. _

I chuckle slightly at their curiosity before responding. "Uh…yeah, apparently he got excluded and some new kid is gonna be moving into my room" I frowned, still slightly annoyed at the fact that I will have someone new moving in on my personal space.

"Tough break, do you know why he got kicked out?" PJ asks, running a hand through his slightly curly, light brown hair.

"No, sorry, but to be honest I don't really care, knowing him, it can't have been good," I complain, rolling my eyes as I reminisce about my previous companions failed escapades. _Lets see…there was the flooding of the girls bathroom, the hacking of the school website so that every time you visited a revision video Rick Astleys annoying face would pop-up, the fake teacher thing…etc…etc…_

"I heard its cause he got like three teachers fired or something," Chris announced, a cunning smile flickering across his face.

"You know, you shouldn't gossip about people, how would you feel if they did the same to you?" PJ quizzed, taking a slightly superior tone towards him, causing me to snigger slightly at him taking the moral high-ground.

"I would feel proud that I am the centre of their attention," he grinned slyly, causing PJ to roll his eyes annoyed and my laughter to grow louder. _It's good to be back…_

"Well, it was good seeing you guys, I'm gonna go unpack and see if the new meat has arrived" I smiled as I began to trudge up the stairs, lugging my dead weight of a suitcase behind me.

"Hey, why don't we come help you, scare the locals" Chris sniggered racing up behind me. I hear PJ sigh defeated as he follows also, clearly annoyed by his roommates eagerness. I smile to myself as we continue towards my floor, unable to contain the happiness and glee I feel for being home again with my real family…

_They wouldn't like you if they knew…_

**Wow, over 200 views, YAY! Heads up for chapter 6, that's when the fun starts...**


	6. Chapter 6 - First Impressions

**Here it is chapter 6 and things are going to start to get interesting...dun, dun, duh...Anyway, I am planning to make this quite a long fan-fiction so stay tuned for lots of sadness and fluffiness...**

**Phil POV:**

_Here goes nothing. _After knocking repeatedly on the dull, grey door with no response I cautiously turn its rusting door handle to be greeted with silence. I sigh comfortably knowing that I can at least settle in before I have to reveal my awkwardness to my new roommate. As soon as I cross the threshold my eyes immediately dart to the kaleidoscope of posters decorating the walls, leaving only a slither of brown wallpaper bare. _Muse….Panic! At the Disco…._my eyes scan the various titles, surprised by the striking correlation between my own tastes. _Maybe my new roommate won't be so bad. _I scan his entire half of the room, trying to take in as much of his personality as possible; his film tastes, his interests in gaming, before sighing in relief at even more similarities. At least if he does not like me and completely ignores me I cannot be annoyed by his choices in distraction._ As if anyone would like you Phil…_

I quickly shake myself from these negative thoughts and rest my suitcase on my bed. My half of the room looks so bare in comparison to this Dans. There is no color; just a plain bed, with a wooden wardrobe and desk; a shadow of its other half. Another loud sigh escapes my lips as I attempt to make this room as homely as possible; slinging my clothes carelessly into the wardrobe, before arranging my trinkets and technology onto the desk. Upon completion I quickly grab my laptop, slipping in my headphones to lose myself in the voices of my favorite you tubers. After only about 20 minutes of Shane Dawson I hear the familiar clicking of the door knob. _This is it…_

**Dan POV:**

"Hey guys, wait up! DO NOT go into my room without me," I yell uselessly as I watch my two friends dart down the dimly lit corridor ahead of me.

"Well hurry up, we wanna meet the neighbors, why do you have to be so slow?" Chris bellows from in front of me, his deep Northern tones echoing slightly.

"Well, I am the only one with a suitcase you idiot" I groan back, rolling my eyes as I try to increase my pace; the friction from the thick, crimson carpet tugging at my suitcase wheels. Surprisingly, they actually listened to me for once, as when I finally catch up with the pair neither of them has entered the room.

"Well...go on then," Chris urged, impatience growing on his face. With a slight annoyed nod I open the door and pull my suitcase in only to find the sight I did not want to see. The new kid already on my territory; already un-packed like it's _his_ room. _Damn it!_

I frown visibly annoyed as I turn to face a skinny boy, with a pale complexion and jet-black hair in a similar style to mine, sat comfortably on his bed, immediately noticing his mesmerizingly deep blue eyes. _Wow… _I am immediately shaken from my dazed thoughts and the annoyance returns, by Chris barging past me, his loud voice booming.

"So who's the new neighbor….HA! Its you, oh sorry mate" Chris sniggers, turning to me with a pitiful, if slightly mocking, smile plastered on his face. "Oh shit, you're stuck with the nerd Lester-" he cries hugging his sides, no longer able to control his laughter.

"Chris, stop being so horrible, I'm sure he's not that bad," PJ responds from behind me, shooting Chris a disappointed glare.

"Hold on now Chris… who are you?" I ask, turning to the raven haired boy sat on his bed, a worried expression frozen on his features.

"I-um….I'm…Ph…Ph...-" he stutters, his face blushing crimson.

"Ph-Ph-Phil" Chris mimics, his face creasing as his cackling continues. "Come on Dan, you don't wanna waste your time with this nerd, hang out in our room until dinner and un-pack later, you'll wanna spend as little time with this little bookworm as possible"

"CHRIS! Stop it, come on now, stop being so cruel to Dans new roommate, sorry about this…uh…Phil" PJ snaps back, anger rising at his friends mocking, before turning to leave the room, dragging the still sniggering Chris behind him. "You coming Dan, or do you wanna stay and unpack?" PJ asks, understanding flickering in his bright green eyes.

I stand there dumbfounded, unsure what to do. I do not really want to desert my friends, but I do not want to be intentionally mean to my new roommate, even if he is invading my turf and a nerd…_and has beautiful blue eyes…wait, what?_

"Wait…I'm coming guys, I guess I'll see you later…um… don't touch any of my stuff," I respond, turning to Phil who is now nervously staring down at the floor. After an awkward silence during which there is no response I sling my suitcase onto my bed before turning to leave the room, closing it quietly behind me.

**Phil POV:**

_Same old…same old…_As soon as I hear the click of the door lock and the spiteful sniggering fade I can no longer prevent the tidal wave of tears from falling. I throw my laptop from my lap and bury my dampened face in my pillow and tucking my legs into my chest, muffling my sobs. _You're such an idiot Phil…Of all the people you had to be lumbered with, he had to be friends with _him…_and he had to be…be…beautiful…_

My mind immediately reminisces the features of my new roommate; Dan; his chocolate brown eyes that complimented his perfectly straight brown hair; his slightly tanned complexion and dimpled smile. The tears continue to fall, as Chris's angered face obliterates the scene, causing a grimace to spread across my face at the realisation that he will soon become another never-ending voice in the whirl of hate. _God Phil, why can't you just be normal, why do you have to be different…?_

I lie back on my now damp pillow and gaze at the ceiling; the view blurred by my drowning eyes. I wish I could just explain myself. I wish that whenever anyone met me they didn't immediately turn away. I am not a nerd; despite what _he_ says, _but who would listen to you Phil…_ I couldn't even explain myself to Dan, not that he would ever listen to me now.

It's going to be just how it was the last time I had a roommate; him, being the ever popular student blanking me in private and then belittling me when he is with his Neanderthal friends. _I thought this year was going to be different…hell, its not even been a day and already I have been reduced to my shrunken, sniveling former self and the bullying hasn't even started yet. _

I turn slowly, my muscles aching, and close my eyes, in an attempt to cease my thoughts of my beautiful roommate. _How can someone so perfect be so cruel?_ It was only noon but, as I didn't get hardly any sleep last night, I could not stop myself from drifting into a comfortable sleep; my sinking heart lifted by my old friend the darkness. _I pray that this time it is endless…_

**Dan POV:**

"Oh I feel so sorry for you man," Chris sniggers, his false sympathy clear as we make our way to Chris and PJ's room, which is luckily only a few doors down.

"You know Chris that was really mean, you should no better, you know how nervous he gets," PJ scowls as he turns to enter his room, before sighing and sitting down onto his bed. I join him, curious as to what could be wrong with this Phil as I had never spoken to him before.

"Oh come off it-" Chris interrupts, climbing onto his messily made, clothes covered bed. _Obviously he has no concept of a wardrobe, despite it being only two foot away… _"You and I both know he's a stuck up know-it-all, who'd rather have grades than friends, the little shit" Chris twisted his face into a disgusted grimace as he finished.

"Wait…could someone please explain to me what exact problem you have with him," I ask turning to PJ, whose scowling at Chris. "Now I get that he's a nerd, so he probably won't be joining our friend group anytime soon, but even I do not randomly insult them-" I go to continue, but PJ interrupts, looking ready to explain the situation.

"The thing is, Chris used to be really good friends with Phil in like, year 7 and before you joined in year 9, but then like after the summer he just sort of blanked him and became all nerdy and stuff, I think, well that's what Chris told me" he explained.

I nod understandingly, turning briefly to Chris who is now standing up, visibly annoyed.

"Yeah, he's a twat, I mean, it's not like I did anything _that_ bad to him," Chris continues, pausing before launching himself back onto his bed. _That bad…_ There was something about his tone of voice that intrigued me, but I was too tired and Chris was too annoyed for me to question it further. Rolling my eyes, I haul myself from the bed, which sighs in relaxation and I make my way to their DVD collection balanced precariously on PJ's desk.

"Anyway, why don't we forget about this Phil kid and spend the day watching films, I mean its not like I've got a room that I want to go to," I ask, a smile tugging at lips as I pick the films. Chris sighs in defeat as PJ nods animatedly, before joining us on PJ's bed. _I am amazed we can all fit on it. _ We spend the rest of the day watching numerous films laughing and joking, completely forgetting about the stupid nerd Phil. _Well, some of us more than others…_

**Thank you to everyone who has already read my story 3 I hope you will continue to read...**


	7. Chapter 7 - Remain nameless

**Hiya everyone, here's chapter 7...I hope you enjoy...**

**Phil POV:**

_I turn edgily down the winding, crimson corridor of my dormitory, the deep crimson of the carpet blending with the walls calm cream; my mind a torrent of madness as the light fades. I could not help but whimper as I fumble around aimlessly in the darkness – my bloodied hands meeting the cool brickwork, but leaving no stain. No trace of their horrific torture. I hear the faint taunting of my tormentors echoing through the halls; climbing to a crescendo before fading. Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless! Despite my bruised limbs I manage to quicken my pace, but, I feel the pull of the ground beneath me increase and I struggle with each stride. The echoes grow louder and louder, banishing my distressed calls for help from the broken silence. I try to get away but the once plush carpet ends, leaving an endless void ahead of it. I am trapped. I turn frantically, desperately trying to find any means of escape. Nothing. _

_Suddenly, I am once again faced by my torturers, ghastly black silhouettes with hollow expressions; their vile words gushing forward. I futilely try to scream but they edge even closer. It is only then that I realize that these captors, unlike many before have recognizable faces on them. My fear manifested in the eyes of my cruel-hearted new roommate Daniel Howell. Desperately I plea for this torture to stop, but his eyes show no mercy. The warm, passionate brown replaced by a frightening red. The silhouettes grow larger as I shrink down at their words; my knees buckling beneath me as the insults like daggers repeatedly cut through my flesh. This will never stop. This is never going to end. This-_

I awake with a start to be greeted by comfortable silence. Breathless and panting with fear, I run my shaking fingers across my throbbing temples as my eyes adjust to the bright light of my table lamp. _Just another dream…_ I gaze, dazed by the vividity of this nightmare, at my alarm clock. **9.00pm. **_Guess I really did need the sleep _I groan into my pillow loudly before hauling myself up against the cold, stone wall as I try to re-arrange my thoughts. Constant bullying and tormenting at this school had always given me horrific nightmares before, but it had been weeks since I had one this vivid and specific. In normal circumstances, if it is to be considered normal that I have terrible dreams, the antagonists would be vague and nameless; blurred into the slur of hatred that they spewed, but this time a very clear title could be given to my tormentor. _Dan Howell, the boy with the beautiful brown eyes._

I groan much more loudly this time and glance over to his side of our room, his still fully packed suitcase on his bed, and shudder at the meeting that transpired previously. Suddenly, I feel the reality of the dream as I picture Chris's face cackling beside him with both of them sniggering at my discomfort. _He is going to end up just like them, just like _him, _and you Phil will forever be alone._ My thoughts are quickly interrupted by my growling stomach, alerting myself to the fact that I had missed dinner. I contemplate venturing down to the kitchens and asking for something; particularly as many of the kitchen staff would be still here due to the huge welcoming dinner for new students and parents this evening, so they were most likely still clearing it up.

However, I quickly shrug off the idea and shuffle down into my covers, allowing their comforting warmth to encase me. Besides, I did not want to be awake when Dan comes back. Despite my already monumental power nap, I did not want to be embroiled in another embarrassingly awkward conversation with him. Even if it is only in my imagination, I want to hold onto the positive image of his exterior before his cruel, bullying interior harms me and obliterates any nice thoughts I have of him. _Look but don't touch same as always for you Phil…besides, who would want to treat you differently anyway…_

I close my eyes once again and attempt to drown out my negative thoughts; I needed to get as much sleep as possible before the nightmares started again. However, as I slowly try to drift off into the darkness I hear the familiar clicking of our door lock…_UGH, just once can't something go the way I want it to…_

**Dan POV:**

"Ok, see ya guys, don't forget to knock for me at half seven for breakfast," I call to Chris and PJ as I exit their room, leaving the pair of them to continue their movie marathon. I hear Chris groan annoyed which I take as a yes to my request, causing me to chuckle quietly to myself. Neither of us has ever been good with early mornings. However, as I make my way to my own room all laughter subsides. I had been dreading facing my roommate for the entire day, even if I was not sure exactly why. Besides the fact that he, as far as I am aware, a geeky know-it-all, so is unlikely to be interested in anything I am, and the fact that he was unfair towards one of my best friends, I could not help but feel there was something else that was the root of my apprehension.

Gently, and careful not to wake him should he be asleep, I push our door open. Greeted with silence, my eyes are immediately bathed in darkness only broken by a flickering desk lamp. I amble towards my bed and groan inwardly at my suitcase, the thought of unpacking looming over me ominously. As much as I loved being back at school, the minutes that had to drag by while unpacking were agonizing; yet, I would have no time to do it tomorrow as lessons started straight away, so without much hesitation, I quickly set about organizing my things, careful not to disturb Phil. _I can always sleep in English tomorrow…_

2 hours later; eyes blurred by tiredness and arms aching from moving and placing, _seriously, why does one person need that much stuff for school, _I quickly change into my nightwear and climb into bed; my old, rusting bed springs gasping as I shuffle down under the covers. I glance fleetingly at the sleeping form opposite me; his jet-black hair starkly contrasting the pillows pale white. My mind swims with thoughts and questions about him, mostly regarding his altercation with my best friend. I have always been one to defend those around me, so despite Chris's agitation with the subject it seems unlikely that I am going to simply ignore it.

**Phil POV:**

It must have been at least two hours since the rapid shuffling stopped. I was sure to keep from moving at all costs to continue the illusion that I was still asleep. The last thing I wanted today was another awkward conversation and all I wanted to do was build up my strength for tomorrow. _No such luck…_I turn with the belief that the coast is clear, my bed groaning from underneath me to face my roommate, who, rather creepily is staring back at me, a maze of thoughts swimming through his deep brown eyes; shrinking as soon as my eyes met his. My stomach flipped. _Stupid hormones._ Panicked, I turn back to face my suddenly very interesting wall, hoping he would not talk to me. _No such luck…_

"I know you're not asleep…you know, you're going to have to talk to me at some point…we are going to be roommates for a whole year…," I hear a faint, but confident voice state as I feel his gaze burning into the back of my head. I sigh uncomfortably in a desperate attempt to delude him into thinking I had drifted back into sleep; hoping he would not continue this conversation and that I would not have to look into his eyes again. _Those eyes…_

"Jeez, what's your problem; you've only met me once and already treating me like shit, just talk to me!" I hear Dan huff from behind me, his voice a mix of anger and frustration.

"L-look, I-I don't really want to t-talk right now…," I mumble, my own voice barely a whisper, my words broken as my social awkwardness paralyses me.

"Why not, you haven't said anything to me…I haven't done anything to you and it's not like you have anything better to do…we can't spend the entire year ignoring each other," Dan replies, his frustration growing evidently.

"What do you care?" I whisper, an edge of bitterness coating my words. _It's easy for you to talk to people just like that, but for me it's different…you've clearly never had to deal with those horrible people… _

An awkward silence coats the darkness, leaving the air thick and uncomfortable. _Why can't he just leave me alone? I don't want to talk to him because I know how this will turn out. I cannot fall in deeper than I already have because the more you give in the more that can be taken away and it is certain that he will become just like all the others. If I am to survive this year, I must remain cold, emotionless, so that the pain of the torment is not accentuated by stupid emotions. He must remain nameless and I must remain emotionless. _

_"_Goddammit, you're just like Chris said, a twat that cares about no-one but himself…God, why did I have to end up with a roommate like-," his words cut into my core like daggers, stinging my eyes with tears threatening to spill over, but I could not stay silent as soon as he mentioned _his _name. I turn back round to face the now pouting Dan, his deep brown eyes narrowed into a resentful glower.

"What the hell do you know, eh? You think that just because _he _tells you something that it is immediately true? I don't want to talk to you and we will be able to get through this year if you just don't talk to me," I snap back, a surge of anger fueled confidence lifting my voice from a hushed whisper to a snarl. I cannot help the tears from falling now, but I quickly turn from his gaze, eager to hide my moment of weakness from him. _He's not going to like you now Phil, is he?_

"What the hell is your problem? What have you got against Chris anyway? He's my best mate and I wanna know why your acting like he's hurt you, just because you don't' want friends, doesn't mean you have the right to desert people," he continues, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort.

"Look, it's none of your business so I'm ending this conversation now, I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to talk about him, so if you are quite finished, I am going back to sleep," I groan, my tiredness shortening my fuse rapidly. I hear him groan in anger before turning quickly away from me, causing his mattress to growl violently. I close my eyes in a desperate attempt to my tame my throbbing temples. Why does he want to know anyway? Chris hurt me badly and this altercation only proves that the pain will soon return. I had only just managed to quell the consequences previously, but I fear that soon the torment from that will return again, on top of everything else. _Why does Dan have to be involved with him? Why does the face of cruelty have to be so beautiful? We could have actually had an amiable rela- what I am I saying? No one would ever like me…not ever…_

**Dan POV:**

My mind races as I attempt to assess the situation; my drowning thoughts deafened only by my rapidly beating heart. _Why did he hate Chris so much? Why is he so defensive? What could Chris have done to make them hate each other so much? WAIT!...why did I care so much; and why is my heart racing so fast? I mean, it can't be just anger that has fuelled my heart rate. How can I be angry when I don't even know what happened? I mean sure, I care about Chris enough to be defensive when it comes to someone hurting him; he's my best friend and I would take a bullet for him, but, at the same time I cannot escape the niggling feeling that something else is causing my compassion towards the subject; but its not anger…I don't even think it's a negative emotion…this is so confusing. _

I close my eyes in an attempt to bring on sleep, but to no avail. All I can think about is what transpired mere minutes ago…_and those deep, blue eyes…_ I must be overtired. _Yes, that's it…_

**Over 500 views already...wow!...apologies in advance as I am planning on making this story quite long.**

**P.S. Thank you to all those who have reviewed!**


	8. Chapter 8 - Back into the abyss

**Hiya everyone, hope you enjoy chapter 8!**

**Dan POV:**

"Alright I'm coming; I'm coming, Jesus Christ!" I moan, hauling myself from my now messy bed, shuddering at the hit of cold air. "Hold on, just a sec," I make my way groggily to my door to see a disheveled Chris staring back at me, his untidy brown hair sticking up.

"Oh hiya Da-jeez you're not ready yet!" he moans. "Ya know it's already half seven and if we're not quick we'll miss breakfast and I am not prepared to sit through Mrs Beckett's English class without a dose of eggs and bacon" _oh crap! I've overslept! _With that I bolt back into my room, flinging random school shirts and trousers from the wardrobe. "Yeah, yeah just a second," I mumble through a mouthful of fabric, before pulling my tie round my neck.

"Rough night?" I hear, as Chris peers his head round the door.

"You could say that…," I trail off, pulling on my shoes and blazer.

"What's up? Lester bored you to death yet?" Chris jokes, an edge of malice in his voice.

"No, he's just so…weird, I tried talking to him and he completely overreacted, especially when I mentioned you," I explained, quickly glancing back to his side of the room to make sure he wasn't still here.

"Oh don't listen to him, his head's so far up his own ass he can chew his food again on the way down" he mocks "Everyone knows he only cares about himself, so I wouldn't waste your breath on him. You know you can come to our room in the evenings so you don't have to face Lester"

"Thanks mate," I smile, accepting his hand as he pulls me up from the floor. I glance fleetingly into my mirror and groan at my hobbit hair but I have no time to straighten it now. Hopefully no one will notice my horrible naturally curly hair.

"Stop fussing, your hair looks fine…now, food," he beams, pulling me hastily out of our room, stifling my annoyed groan as I run my fingers through my hair.

We make our way from our dormitory towards the concrete block; shivering at the crisp autumn air. The canteen is just as I remember it. Swarms of students bustling through it animatedly enticed by the inviting smell of eggs and bacon wafting through the room. They always served a cooked breakfast for us on the first day back; perhaps as a peace offering for the fact that many people hated being back at school. _Not me though…_I shudder at the thought of returning home when I feel myself being dragged by Chris towards a table full of people talking animatedly, who immediately smile when they see me, before himself scuttling off to join the canteen queue.

"Hey Dan," a blonde haired boy with bluish green eyes and black rimmed glasses calls from behind a copy of Game of thrones.

"Hey Charlie, how've you been? Em and Alex keeping you in line," I say playfully, gesturing to a tall boy with wild brown hair talking to a slightly shorter girl with long chestnut hair at the end of the table, with both of them turning and smiling when they see us staring at them. Alex and Emily were Charlie's closest friends and they have known each other for what seems like forever, although I have always had the sneaking suspicion that there was something more going on between him and Emily.

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie smiles, before turning back to his book. I take my seat next to him and begin to pick at a piece of fruit from the middle of the table, despite my lack of an appetite. Chris quickly joins us, along with a late arriving PJ, at the table and we begin to talk about random topics: lessons, new teachers, other students; I wasn't too interested in any particular one but I was just happy to be back with the people I cared about. It felt so fulfilling to actually be back home, even if things didn't get off to the greatest of starts.

"Sooooo….how's the new roommate Dan?" Alex questions, his lips curved into a mischievous smile, indicating he is fully aware of who my roommate is.

"Oh fine…just fine," I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm as I recall last nights altercation.

"You know, he could actually be a really nice person, this Phil kid, if you just got to know him," Charlie interrupts, shooting a disappointed glare at Alex.

"Not bloody likely!" Chris interjects.

"Chris!" PJ snaps back.

"He just…when I tried to talk to him, he became all defensive and wouldn't talk to me," I explain.

"It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it," Chris replies, his clear hatred for Phil evident, earning a disapproving shake of the head from PJ. Chris mouths a quick "what" in response, though PJ's stance remains unchanged.

"Hey, he's not an idiot, he's just quiet. There's nothing wrong with being a bit shy, especially when he's been hurt as much as he has…," Em explains, brushing a lock of her brown hair from her face. _Hurt!?...Wait, why am I suddenly so defensive?_

I was about to question Emily on that when the bell for lessons sounds, it's shrill chimes echoing through the halls. I get up quickly, slinging my bag across my back, and begin to walk towards English, giving a quick wave to my parting friends. _Ugh…As much as I love being back at school, there is nothing that could make me love English._ PJ, Charlie and I were in the same half of the school, as each year group in this school was divided into two fractions, meaning that we had all the core classes at the same time, so I begin to amble over to the classroom with them. After we follow several winding corridors and dodge several shoals of students we finally arrive at our classroom; a small, pokey room filled with desks arranged in columns facing a large interactive whiteboard; huge, colorful posters detailing "To kill a Mockingbird" and other boring novels lining the walls.

Luckily, we were considerably early to our lesson so the teacher and many of the students hadn't yet arrived. I made my way to my seat behind the desk of Charlie and PJ and begin to listen to them talk aimlessly, when I notice a familiar dark haired boy sat in the farthest corner from me, his head down and his raven black hair masking his gaze from mine. A confusing mixture of anger and, strangely, disappointment washes over me, which I cannot comprehend. Obviously, I am furious at him leaving this morning without so much as a word about his outburst last night, but at the same time I was almost saddened that I could not look into those eyes again.

_This is getting way too confusing…why am I thinking about him like this? I have only known him for a day and that wasn't exactly a picnic in the park. Hell, I shouldn't feel like this…I-I'm not like this…he's just some seething old nerd that cannot hold down a friend because of his egotism and arrogance…I guess, it must be because I feel sorry for Chris that he had to be hurt by him…yes, that's what it is. Maybe, if I try to heal old wounds he won't be so pitiful, even if I am doing it for Chris's benefit. Maybe it could help heal our own broken relationship…maybe that could lead to something more…_

"Hello…anybody home?" I hear a voice in front of me whisper, as my thoughts are immediately broken by a hand waving in front of my face.

"Wh-what…um…," I mumble out, my eyes focusing on the girl in front of me, her blonde pink dip dyed hair draped over her shoulders.

"Daydreaming again are we?" she smiles and I instantly recognize her as Louise, one of my closest friends beside Chris and PJ. Many believed that we were an item together due to our closeness, so to avoid questions we usually just went along with it. _But, in reality she fancied some kid called Matt and I…um…anyway…_I smile graciously at her as she took her usual seat beside me and began to busy herself with her school bag, just as a rather too jovial looking Mrs Beckett enters the classroom and begins to drone on about To kill a Mockingbird or something similar.

_Atticus…racism…context…context…context…etc…etc…_

Luckily my sleep deprived state was able to get me through the lesson and I was soon able to get on with the lessons I enjoyed, laughing and joking with my friends the entire time. _It's good to be back…_

I aimlessly wander the emptying corridors, thankful that the long school day had ended, chatting mindlessly to Louise, Chris and PJ about the latest episode of Doctor Who. I wave to Charlie, Alex and Em as they pass us on their way out to do anything but study, and we head to PJ and Chris's room. However, despite Chris's booming tones echoing through the hall I cannot help but hear someone cry out, followed by a muffling sound and a large slapping sound. I stop in my tracks when the scream repeats, and gesture to the others.

"Hey, did you hear that?" I say panicked, as I had never been one to ignore someone who needed help. "It sounds like someone is getting hurt, shouldn't we help them,"

"Um…sure, but if its Joe and Alfie I am out of here," Chris replies, and edge of worry coating his words and he had every reason to worry. Joe Sugg and Alfie Deyes were the most merciless bullies in our school. Fortunately they were yet to do anything to me, but given the opportunity, they would beat you to a bloody pulp; and Chris was one to have the most to worry about. Ever since his extremely embarrassing predicament involving Alfie's girlfriend Zoe who also happened to be Joe's sister, Chris has been like a rabbit to a fox to the pair.

"Ok fine, but come on," I pull Chris towards the screams with PJ and Louise following suit and what I saw was something that surprisingly, shocked me to the core…

**(Hours previous)**

**Phil POV:**

My eyes squint at the blaring light from the hallway as I manage to exit our room without waking Dan; the black winter morning still bathing the room in darkness. It was early, very early, but I did not want to be embroiled in another awkward conversation with him. _Even if my only wish was to look in those deep brown eyes…_I felt in a way guilty for treating him with so much hostility, but it was unfortunately necessary to prevent myself from his eventual cruelty having an effect on me. After all if you have nothing, the bullies cannot take anything from you. I want the only pain I feel to be physical pain and nothing else. _Why does he have to be so attractive, he's making this so incredibly difficult…_

Too early for breakfast I manage to sneak an apple from the receptionist's desk before quickly making my way to the small, dimly lit library, the only place I truly felt at home. Thankfully none of the bullies ever came in here; they were often too stupid or idle to study, so here I was always able to get peace. I take out my GCSE English revision guide and focus on revising my "To kill a Mockingbird" notes as I had that lesson first. I slip in my headphones and flick through my Muse playlist; drifting off to Mathew Bellamy's voice in an attempt to drown out the negative thoughts in my head.

After about an hour, I was so engrossed in my music and studying that I didn't even notice the familiar form standing in front of me.

"Hey Phil, you still alive," a slightly northern tinged voice inquired, a textbook friendly grin radiating from her features. I wince internally at how painfully ironic her choice of humor sounds, as I look up into the eyes of the only true friend I have at school.

"Hey Anja, you alright," I ask nonchalantly, in an attempt to disguise my sadness.

"Yeah…I would ask you but I feel I already know the answer," she replies, her smile changing to one of sadness. She could read me so easily. _Damn it!_ She had been my best friend, well only friend, since primary school. She used to be Chris's neighbor so whenever I used to hang around with him she would always tag along. Surprisingly, after Chris did what he did and the commotion of that she stuck by me, even going as far as defending me if anyone brought it up. It had felt so strange for someone to actually care about me and want to still be my friend…_even after I told her that the commotion involving Chris was true…_ I could tell her anything, so there was no use trying to hide anything from her. "Those dick-heads still giving you grief?" she inquired, brushing her long black hair behind her ears.

"No, well not yet anyway, it's just, I got a new roommate and well, it's complicated" I reply, averting my gaze.

"New roommate eh? Is he cute?" she smiled playfully. _Well yes, yes he is…_ I shoot a bemused glare at her knowing full well what she was referring to, particularly as she, like me, batted for a different team. _If only Anja…if only…_

"Oh, I see…well, we better be getting on to our lessons, don't want to get caught by the twat army, you can tell me _all _about it later," she smiles, my early attempt to quell her playfulness obviously failing.

We quietly part ways and make our way to our lessons; she was in the other half of the school to me so I didn't have any lessons today with her. English came and went pretty quickly, as did many of my other lessons. That end of school bell couldn't come quick enough. I slowly make my way back to my dormitory, fairly certain that Anja would be waiting for me at the entrance as per usual. However, a sudden feeling of sickness and anxiousness came over me as crumpled piece of paper hits the back of my head, causing me to wince.

"Oi fag! Didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?" a voice snarls from behind me. I recognized the voice almost instantly. The brash monotone growls of Joe Sugg, one of the most ruthless bullies that have ever affected me. I try to pretend that I did not hear them, as I quicken my pace, but he quickly grabs me by the collar and slams me into the lockers. "We've got a lot of catching up to do, don't we Alfie," I see Alfie nod through my own tearful eyes, before Joe returns his gaze to me. I try to muffle a plea for mercy but all it earns me is a swift punch to the jaw, which sends me doubling over in pain as I let out a painful scream.

"Now let's open up those wounds shall we," he growls mercilessly before colliding his fist with me again, this time to my nose. I hear a bloodcurdling crack, which causes my knees to buckle from beneath me and several more blows pummel my frail frame. Kick after kick; punch after punch; scream, after ear-piercing scream. I try to call out for help but all I can do is choke on the blood forming in my throat. I see Joe shake his head at me disappointedly and that can only be a bad thing. He kicks me hard in the chest and I feel the hall spinning and swirling before me. All I hear is the thunder of approaching footsteps as everything goes black…

**Ooooh cliffhanger...**

**P.S. Thanks to all who have viewed and reviewed!**


	9. Chapter 9 - Slowly healing

**Hiya everyone...chapter 9 YAY! I hope you don't mind them getting longer...**

**Dan POV:**

"Ok fine, but come on," I insist as I pull Chris towards the screams with PJ and Louise following suit and what I saw was something that surprisingly, shocked me to the core. There sprawled in the middle of the corridor Phil, like a frightened lamb, was being brutally beaten by a pack of the most vicious of bullies. I cannot help but gasp at the disgusting sight before me. His frail, helpless body; bruised and beaten; every collision shattering him. I stand there dumbfounded as the others catch up with us; their faces a reflection of my own. We had all heard rumors of beatings before but most of us had never seen it in person; or as viciously executed.

"Nope, nopety nope nope nope…," Chris trails off as soon as his eyes meet the relentless henchmen in front of him. "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

"Chris! We can't just leave him!" I protest, as he begins to leave. _Coward!_

"Oh sorry, but I value my ass thanks and anyway it's not like any of us cares about that nerd," he whispers, before scarpering down the corridor. I try to call to Chris but am stopped by Louise pulling my arm, her understanding green eyes calming my anger.

"Forget about him for a minute, lets just see if we can get them to stop," PJ suggests. "Regardless of who he is no-one should have to suffer at the hands of those bastards, come on, let's pretend we are walking down the corridor. Hopefully they will scarper and we can get him to safety. We can then tell a teacher later, ok?" Both Louise and I nod at his suggestion and quickly run down the corridor, pretending to not have seen the tormentors ahead of us. Just as PJ had predicted, the two of them quickly run off, the cowards that they are, but not before pummeling Phil with another bone shattering blow to the head and shooting a few death stares that said "tell anyone and your as dead as him" at us.

Luckily PJ had some knowledge with first aid and set to work checking his breathing. I wanted to help, but my legs were locked in position; the gravity of this horrific sight weighing me down like an anchor. I could not tear my eyes away from his, but they were no longer their brilliant blue, but closed in a dark grey, spotted with blood and bruising. I could not fathom the fear and pain hidden behind those eyes. It almost makes my petty annoyances with him seem futile and inane; revealing to me a frail, tortured soul behind the hostile exterior. _Don't worry I can look after you…_

"Quick, you and Louise grab a shoulder each, we need to take him up to his room, then once there, Louise come with me to get the nurse," PJ instructs, a look of urgency on his face. It would be typical that this corridor would be the furthest from the nurse's office; however despite my hatred for stairs, it was best that we got him to his room. Without a second thought, we gently bring Phil to his feet, his eyes flickering open for a moment before drifting back into unconsciousness. Slowly, but with the greatest of urgency we manage to haul him up the stairs and to our room. I see Chris peer from behind his door as we bring him in, but I quickly shoot him a glare that causes him to retreat. As much as I was his friend, I did not want to be at the moment.

Laying Phil on his bed, Louise and PJ quickly run down to get the nurse. I try to make him as comfortable as possible, although in reality probably just being an inconvenience. _Why do I have to be so useless!?_

"Phil, can you hear me?" I ask, willing for him to regain consciousness, my heart rate quickening. _Please wake up, please wake up…_

"…urgh…wh-where am I…um…Dan?" he mumbles, his body shuddering with pain at every word.

"Uh…well…you've been badly hurt, you're gonna need to stay awake so the nurse can have a look at you," I comfort, placing a pillow behind his head. "Don't worry, I-I'm here t-," _I'm here for you…I'm here for you!_

"WHERE IS HE!" A shrill female voice hollers from down the hall, flinging the door open, closely trailed by a very bemused looking middle-aged nurse carrying a tattered first aid kit. The female who I did not recognize quickly bolts into the room; her expression of panic morphed into one of pain and disgust…_and ugliness…_

"Oh my god, not again, it hasn't even been a day," she cries, flinging her arms around Phil's shuddering form, causing him to wince slightly. "I am so-so sorry…I,"

"Ok, ok, clear the runway please Anja, let me have a look at him," the nurse instructs, before shuffling towards Phil. I step back slightly and allow the nurse to have a look at him, unable to control the feeling of worry gnawing at my insides.

"Hey Dan, how bad is it?" PJ asks, entering the room slowly with Louise.

"Um…dunno, the nurse is looking at him now," I reply, the three of us sharing equally anxious glances.

"I'm sure he'll be fine and anyway he looks like he is well cared for," Louise states, trying to infuse an edge of positivity into her voice. I glance over at the girl, Anja I think her name is who is now sat propped up against him, running her hand through his raven black hair. A sudden twinge forms in my stomach, causing me to wince slightly and showing clearly on my face as Louise gives me a worried look. I shake my head nonchalantly before returning my gaze back to the nurse.

"From what I can see nothings broken or damaged internally, just very bad bruising; I would recommend one of you applying this cold compress for about an hour to the more serious ones on his stomach for about an hour after cleaning him up," she explains, taking out a blue cold compress from her tattered first aid kit. Before I could say anything, Anja had already begun to remove his shirt and place the compress on the bruises, causing a flash of crimson to uncontrollably color my cheeks. "I think it's best that we all leave him to rest, I will be up in a few hours to check on him and I will need you all to give me a statement about what happened so I can report it to the headmaster, alright," she insists politely, the three of us nodding in unison before following her out of the room, leaving Anja to care for Phil. _Why does _she_ have to stay with him?_ As soon as the nurse leaves we make our way to Chris and PJ's room, but not without Louise shooting me a "don't worry, he'll be fine" look. _Let's just hope so…_

**Phil POV:**

_All I can see is blackness. The vibrant colors of the day replaced by a dark monochrome but, one I have wished for so long. Maybe this is it…maybe I have finally been released into my long awaited eternal darkness. Of course not! Everything hurts; my head is pounding and my stomach aches. What happened to me? I remember walking down the corridor and seeing…them. A hail of blows hit my body followed by a chorus of screams and insults. I remember feeling so…alone, so…_

"Ach!" I gasp, my eyes flying open as I feel something cold against my stomach.

"Sorry Phil, I'm just trying to stop the bruising, that was quite a beating you got," I hear Anja say, her words soothing me as I relax.

"Bruising?" I question, shifting slightly as the pain of my body intensifies as my mind recalls several blows to the stomach.

"You were badly beaten up by Joe and his idiot sidekick Alfie. They've left you with pretty bad bruising, but the nurse says it's nothing too serious. She's left me to look after you, like I should've been all along," she half smiles, the feeling of guilt evident in her sad grey eyes. _Its not your fault, its always my own fault…_

"It's not your fault, it was bound to happen…um…who found me," I inquire.

"Um…I think it was Louise, PJ and some cute brown haired boy, although I didn't catch his name," she explains, applying the compress to another bruise, causing me to shudder. "Sorry…," _Why did they have to hit so hard?_

"Um, was it Dan," I inquire, hoping that he had not seen me in my moment of weakness.

"Slightly curly brown hair and beautiful brown eyes?" she asks with a mischievous smile on her lips. _Oh no…_

"Um…probably, he's my new roommate," I explain, averting my gaze to a rather interesting speck on the wall. _My beautiful roommate…_

"HE'S your new roommate…well…," she sniggers, her grin growing wider.

"What?!" I ask, although by the look on her face I already know what she is thinking. _I already have to deal with my own thoughts regarding this, let alone you as well. _

"Nothing," she winks. "Sooooo…you said it was complicated…"

"I know what you're thinking so stop it! Anyway, it's complicated because he so happens to be best friends with you know who," I groan through gritted teeth as my mind is drawn to the thought of them. "Even if I wanted to be friends with Dan, which I don't, I can't because he will probably turn out like all the others," Placing the compress on my blue and green checked duvet beside me, I feel a pair of warm arms slowly pull me up and wrap tightly around me.

"Listen, I know it is hard and I know that you have been hurt a lot, especially after what he did, but you can't let that stop you from ever getting close to anyone. I would bet the only reason most people don't talk to you is because you shut them out. I mean, look at today, if the others didn't have any compassion and hated you they would have left you for dead" she smiles, rubbing her hand comfortingly along my back as I cannot help the tears from falling. "I am not saying that you have to forgive Chris or even talk to him but, don't let _him_ prevent you from being the person you want to be. You have fought these last few years on your own, maybe it's time you let someone other than me help you…especially someone who just so happens to look like a god" I chuckle slightly, hugging tighter into the embrace, before pulling away and giving a small, sad smile. _Maybe she's right, maybe this time it will be different. Its time I stop wallowing in my own self pity and actually try to make a difference. I am not going to let that twat affect me any longer…_

**Dan POV:**

_Four humors…bile….blood…._ I try to focus on the history worksheet in front of me but all I can think about is Phil. Despite having only known him for a day I felt an obligation to help him; to protect him. I suppose guilt can do that to a person. The last few hours have been torturous; the four of us sitting in uncomfortable silence waiting; speaking nothing but saying everything; except Chris – nonchalantly reading his comics, a blase expression plastered on his stupid face. I've been his friend for so long but this is the first time I had ever seen his selfish side. I would do anything to help someone in need, but for him, saving his own skin is far more important. _Anyway, it's not like it's not his fault for angering those thugs; just cause he couldn't keep it in his trousers… _The tension is killing me, besides I really want to return to my own room just so I can get away from him. I shove my worksheets away, sling my bag across my back and begin to move towards the door when a gruff northern voice cuts through the silence.

"Oi, where're you going," Chris asks, peering up from his comic book, a stern and questioning expression plastered on his face.

"I'm going to my room, to see if Phil is ok," I reply, trying to hide the anger in my eyes.

"Why do you care so much, it's not like he likes you anyway, he doesn't like anyone," he says matter-of-factly, his face frowning accusingly. _I can still hope…_

"That still doesn't mean we shouldn't check if he is ok, you saw what they did to him," I snarl "You of all people should know how that feels"

"Yeah, well he deserved it, the little shit, besides, he's used to it," Chris growls.

"Chris! No one deserves to be beaten that badly, if anything it should be you being beaten not him," Louise interjects, shooting a sneer of pure anger at Chris. "…especially after what you did to him…," _Wait? What?_

"No one asked you and that is none of your business," Chris shouts at Louise, earning a shared look of confusion from PJ and me.

"That's enough, Dan you go to your room if you want to, Chris shut it, otherwise I'll give you something to shout about," PJ demands, standing up and giving me a trusting smile before glaring at Chris. Sensing the rising electricity in the air I make my exit, refusing to return Chris's angry gaze as I slam the door behind me.

**Phil POV:**

"Don't make me laugh, my sides hurt!" I snigger pleadingly, as she does her trademark impression of Miss Bula, her German teacher as I try to pull my shirt on.

"Anja virst varning," she mocks, in her best German accent and pout. "Phillip secund varning," I cannot hold in my laughter any longer and soon there are tears are falling down my cheeks with joy, despite my aching bruises.

"Shhh! someone will hear us," I plead through laughter, my cheeks red from grinning.

"Nein!" she mocks, before collapsing onto the bed next to me. Despite anything that could ever happen to me Anja always knew how to cheer me up and make all of the bad thoughts and negativity seem small.

My laughter however, is soon interrupted by an abrupt knocking on our door which brings about a very awkward silence. _Oh shit! Someone's heard us. Crap, Crap, Crap!_ I gesture to Anja who swiftly saunters over to door, still sporting the trademark pout of her delightful languages teacher. I shoot her a serious glare; trying futilely to suppress my sniggering, as she opens the door.

"Hello?" she asks, still trying to stifle a laugh of her own.

"Um…hi…is Phil ok? Is it alright to come in, I'm Dan…uh," I hear a familiar male voice ask. "I-I can come back later if he is still…um…,"

"No, come in, Phil seems to have perked up a bit," Anja replies, before giving me a suggestive wink and playful smile. "It's for you Phil," I frown at her slightly before turning to face Dan. I cannot help but feel my face heat up slightly, so I avert my gaze to the untidy brown carpet. "Right, well, I'm gonna go, see ya Phil…uh…have fun!" she smiles, a little too cheerfully to be labelled completely innocent.

"So…how are you feeling," Dan asks, brushing his fringe from his eyes.

"I…um…better than earlier…um…thank you, for helping me," I reply, fiddling with the fabric of my duvet. _I wish you didn't have to see me like this…_

"It's ok, it's horrible to leave anyone to be hurt, especially at the hands of those dickheads" he mumbles. "Listen…I'm sorry that I was so rude to you yesterday, I guess I was curious, that's all,"

"D-don't worry about it…I guess I've had some bad experiences with new people and…" I trail off, my breathing quickening due to my social awkwardness. "Um…you don't hate me do you?" A sudden look of shock washes over Dan's face.

"Why on earth would I hate you?" he asks, surprised, before sitting down beside me, my face flushed a bright red at our close proximity. "Hey, I've known plenty of shy people in my time and that is nothing to be hated for"

"Yeah well, I guess you haven't talked to many people then…lets just say I'm not the sort of person you want to be seen talking to if you want to have friends at the end of the school day" I explain sadly, remembering the pact I made to myself, not to get in too deep. I hang my head slightly, before feeling a warm arm around my shoulders, causing my heart rate to quicken and me to jump slightly. _Why are you making this so difficult…_

"Does this have something to do with Chris, come on you can say; me of all people knows how much of a dick he can be sometimes?" Dan smiles his dimpled smile.

"Well…um…we used to hang around a bit b-but then he…I told him something I shouldn't have and h-he spread it around the school and, well….there were several repercussions," I grimace, tears forming in my eyes as I roll up my shirt slightly to show a large, deep scar resting just above my hip, significantly masked by a rainbow of bruises. _I can't believe I am doing this…_

**Dan POV:**

I cannot help but gasp at the sight before me; a huge ugly scar amplified by the pinks blues and purples of his bruising. _Oh my god…_

"Holy shit! What happened? Did HE do this?" I ask frantic, turning to stare into his deep blue eyes, a sudden surge of anger swirling inside me. _Why have I suddenly become so protective?_

"Well, after he told everyone, that's when the name calling started; then the beatings, then finally, the kid that I had somehow irked the most decided that wasn't enough and stuck a knife in my side," I cannot help but stop the tears from falling myself now as I picture the horrific event. Without even thinking about it I pull him into a close hug, my stupid heart racing _despite it being only a friendly hung _ before pulling apart and letting him continue "I spent over a month in hospital, but the emotional scars took longer to heal. Luckily the kid got excluded and sent to some detention centre, but the problem was far from over. No one believed me about the stabbing, as it happened outside of school, so the rumors continued and Chris well, like a friend shouldn't, didn't believe me and just had a go at me for ignoring him – not even bothering to apologize for what he did before turning to completely ignore me…oh god…why am I telling you all of this…I am so sorry," Phil began to sob uncontrollably at his recollection, which caused my heart to twinge. I pull him into another hug, rubbing circles on his back. _I'm here, I'm here…_

"Hey, hey, there is nothing you have to apologize about, He shouldn't have spread those rumors about you and then desert you, no wonder you became so introverted" I explain. "Do you want me to talk to him, to try and find out why he did what he did?"

"I don't think that is a very good id-" he tries to suggest, his eyes full of worry. I give him a questioning look that says "why" before continuing. "How about if I try and get some more information from him and then, depending on that, you can decide if you want me to take it further" I see him nod reluctantly, causing a huge smile and slight blush paint my face. _I don't know why that is making me smile…_

"Thank you but, why are you helping me," he questions.

"I dunno, I guess I like you, you seem so friendly, once you get past the hostility," I smile. "Oh and seeing as we're friends now I will need you to familiarize yourself with my homework sheets as I can't make head or tail of them" I hear Phil laugh for the first time as he punches me playfully in the arm.

We spend the rest of the evening chatting and getting to know each other. It turns out we have lots in common; favorite bands, favorite films. I find it fascinating to find someone that is so different to me be so similar. However I cannot help but gain a slight sinking feeling at the thought of our blossoming friendship. _I mean, what if he has a girlfriend?...Wait, where did that come from?_

**D'AWWWW! Stay tuned for chapter 10...**

**P.S. Feel free to review my chapters, I am very open to constructive criticism...**


	10. Chapter 10 - Rumors and Revelations

**Hiya everyone, here's chapter 10 - Sorry for the delay, what with procrastination and this unbearable heat wave we are having at the moment, I am surprised I had the energy to get up in the morning..**

**Dan POV:**

"So is it true?" Caspar asks, a thick South African accent underpinning his questioning tones.

"Is what true?" I whisper turning to face the scruffy haired boy at the desk beside me, wincing as he jabs his pale hand into my side.

"You know, all that shit involving Deyes and Sugg beating up that weird kid Lester," he replies, impatient.

"Oi, back off Caspar!" Louise hisses, raising her voice slightly, her face painted with the colors of anger and annoyance.

"No talking at the back there!" Mr Bradstreet growls, his voice stern and his face impatient. "Turn to page 394," _God I hate biology…_

I shoot Caspar an icy glare before returning my gaze to my worksheet, not that I have any particular interest in mitosis or meiosis. I sigh defeated, as I glance up to several heads turned in my direction. It has been a fortnight since our encounter with Phil and those bullies and that is all anyone is talking about. The four of us tried to keep the altercation a secret for a while, particularly as we did not want Phil to be hurt anymore than he has been and we did not want the bullies to come after us; but as usual in a school full of gossips and snitches, word soon got out and since Monday it has been the talk of the school. _I bet it was Chris, the little blabbermouth..._ However, I cannot think about that right now as I need to find out why Chris hates Phil, like I promised.

"Hey, y'alright?" Louise whispers, a small smile forming on her lips.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just, I wish they wouldn't keep going on about it, I mean, it wasn't that big a deal, was it?" I reply sheepishly, playing with the sleeves of my black, tailored blazer.

"No, I guess people round here don't normally help people in those sort of situations, live like sheep rather than die like tigers, especially if it is people they don't like i.e. Phil" she frowns sadly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. _I like him and that should be all that matters…_

"That's horrible," I grimace, my eyes full of sadness and empathy. "Why do they hate him so much?" I turn to face Louise, my concern clearly evident as she gives me a small smile.

"To be honest, it's stupid really, but then again rumors spread by your then best friend often fuel the fire enough for it to be uncontrollable and for it to burn you mercilessly" she trails off.

"Rumors?" I question, my eyes narrowing in confusion.

"Its not really my place to say, lets just say when something like this gets spread about you, shit hits the fan," she replies, piquing my curiosity. _What could Chris have said to cause the bullies to do such things to Phil? In my eyes, shyness is no excuse to beat the living shit out of someone…_

As much as I disliked Mr Bradstreet and my other teachers, I was thankful for the silence they imposed. Lessons go a lot quicker when you are not thrust into awkward conversations. However, I knew that at lunchtime I was at the full mercy of my peers and, like heat seeking missiles, there is only one thing they want. Answers.

I had only been in the canteen with Louise, Chris and PJ for five minutes when a swarm of people infiltrated our table, its fixtures groaning under the weight of the girls swinging their legs from them. I wanted to go and find Phil, to see how he was holding up. Over these past few weeks, although there has been few words passed between us, I feel like I have grown to enjoy his comfortable silence. _I wish he could hang around with us…_

"What happened Dan?" a deep voice asked, Tom I think his name was…

"Yeah, did you kick the crap out of them?" Another boy, Marcus, piped in.

"Listen, I don't know what you've heard but…," PJ tried to interject, but was immediately cut off by a sea of voices. I glance fleetingly at Louise, her face a reflection of my own. She smiles sadly at me before she is interrogated further.

"Why would you wanna help that nobody anyway, I mean, it's not like anyone really cares about him," a girl, Emma, with bright red hair asked, turning towards me.

"Yeah, he never does anything for anyone else, why didn't you just let them finish him off, might make the school less depressing" Alexa scowled from behind Emma.

"Look not everyone at this school is a heartless bitch, ok" I hear Louise defend me, her face one of anger and empathy. "So all of you just back off, now"

Surprisingly, despite all of the commotion, Chris has failed to say anything, which is very unusual for him. Normally, if there was something that everyone was talking about, he would be the first person to spout about it. Been beaten up; been dumped by someone; or even something as stupid as spilling a drink over someone, Chris would be on you like the paparazzi on a movie star, notepad in hand, ready to tell the world your story, whether you wanted him to or not. To be honest, I am surprised he still has the decency to show his face to the crowd, after his desertion. _Maybe that's what's got his tongue…_In fact; I am surprised he is still hanging around with us as we have very clearly stated our opinions of his actions. _Ugh, I can't be dealing with this right now, I need to go and find Phil…_

I go to grab my bag and stand up, when a girl with dark brown eyes and straight black hair stands in my way, Kat I think her name is, a playful smile toying at her overly-lipsticked lips.

"You know, I think what you did was extremely brave, Daniel," she purred, a flicker of mischief glinting in her eyes.

"Um well…guess you should thank Louise and PJ, if it wasn't for them…I…uh" I trail off, as I feel a manicured hand on my shoulder; a gesture that would to most be seen as perfectly innocent, if it wasn't for the flirtatious expression plastered on her features. I shuffle uncomfortably under her gaze, clearly understanding her implications and wanting none of it. _Why do I feel so awkward, I am not normally this shy with girls…and why does this feel so wrong…_

"You know, if you ever need someone to talk to about it, you know where I am" she smirks suggestively, slipping a small piece of white paper into my hand; obviously giving me her phone number; and with that she flounced away from me towards a gaggle of giggling girls; her ridiculously short, black skirt flying as she turned .

"Get in there my son!" I hear Tom bellow, followed by a string of wolf whistles.

"She definitely wants the D!" Chris cackles from behind me. _Finally the mouse decides to squeak…_ I give him an extremely disapproving glare, still reeling from his previous actions, and bolt out of the canteen, throwing the small piece of white paper in the bin. I wasn't going to let those vultures pick at me anymore. _I need to find Phil…_

After what seemed like ages I manage to find Phil cowering in the library; earphones in, shutting out the rest of the world. It was the most likely place a nerd would hang out, yet I chose to do a full marathon around the school before hand. I sneak up slowly behind him before pulling my hands over his eyes; causing him to adorably flinch into me. _Adorable?_

"Hello stranger!" I smile, chuckling at the bemused expression across his face.

"What the-Oh it's you," he cries, blinking as if to focus his gaze on me. _Those eyes…you could drown in those eyes…_

"Well hello to you too," I grin even wider. "So, how are you?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" he questions me, frowning.

"_Oh I'm fine Dan, you? Oh, me too, I guess I'm holding up thanks for asking, no problem Dan"_ I respond sarcastically, causing Phil to relax slightly and a small apologetic smile to tug at his lips.

"Oh, sorry, it's just, why are you talking to me, you know just because you're my roommate and your helping me doesn't mean you have to desert your friends," Phil conveys, sadly.

"Pfft, like I said before, I like you and I am helping you so you will be able to hang out with us comfortably, you're my friend too ya know," I grin, sitting in front of him, a look of shock spreads across Phil's face, which quickly dissipates into one of gratitude. "Anyways, I needed to get away from those vultures. You throw them one little piece of gossip and they're like _mine, mine, mine!"_ I imitate, causing Phil to laugh enthusiastically. _God that laugh…_

"Why do you think I stay in here?" he replies sadly and I nod in agreement.

"Listen, you'll be pleased to know Sherlock Howell has already started to ask around for you, I asked Louise and she said that the rumors he spread about you were pretty bad, although she wouldn't tell me what he said…um…what were the rumors he spread about you, I don't think you told me" I questioned bluntly, already regretting my choice as I see Phil tense up, averting his gaze from mine.

"Um…d-does it really matter…they were j-just horrible and I'd rather not repeat it…please can we not talk about this anymore" he mumbles, unease lacing his northern tones. _They can't have been that bad, could they?_

"Well, seeing as you asked so nicely, although I expect to be thrashed at Mario Kart later now," I smile reassuringly, nudging him playfully in the arm. "Sooooo, what lesson do you have next?"

"Um…French, I think, et vous?" he asks, his eyes shining questioningly.

"What?" I reply dumbfounded, earning a loud snigger and mischievous smile from Phil as he sticks his tongue out a little. _That smile…_

"And you?" he asks again. I fumble aimlessly in my blazer pocket before pulling out my scruffy, torn timetable.

"Oh, surprisingly, I have French as well, how about I walk you to your lesson?" I suggest, hopeful.

"Is that the b-best idea, isn't Chris in your French class?" he questions, wary.

"So, he can suck lemons like Will Sasso at the moment for all I care, come on, it's not everyday the hot Dan Howell gets to escort you to your lesson" I joke, earning a punch in the arm and a sigh that I take as a yes. In the corner of my eye I notice a slight blush coloring in his cheeks that causes my stomach to flip strangely. _I guess some people have that effect on you…friends of course…_

**Phil POV:**

Thankfully the bell rang just in time, as my cheeks had begun to redden profusely, but can you blame me? I don't want to like him, _well, that isn't technically true, _but he is making it so difficult to not like him, especially with his persistence. Don't get me wrong, I love being around Dan, and not just because he happens to resemble a perfect specimen, but because he is the first person since the incident to actually befriend me or even acknowledge me. However, I can already tell this is going to be a bad idea, particularly as him helping me is surely going to create rifts in his other friendships. _Not that I really care if Chris gets trampled on, the little shit…_But, I am sure that if Dan had to make the choice, he would most likely drop me as fast as his deep brown eyes make my heart jump out of my chest and I, once again, will have fallen in too deep that it drowns me. _Just like always isn't it Phil?_

"Earth to Phil, Earth to Phil," I hear a voice repeat, as a slightly tanned hand waves in front of my face. "I know we all hate French but you're gonna have to go in the classroom at some point" My eyes focus from my dazed thoughts and I see Dan smiling mischievously at me, gesturing his hand towards the chipped wooden door of our French classroom.

"Huh…what?" I mumble. Dan chuckles slightly at my confusion before pulling me into the classroom. We must have been early as there were only a few students in the classroom already; thankfully oblivious to our entrance. I take my usual seat at the front in the farthest corner before attempting to get out my things when I feel someone tap me from behind, it was Dan.

"Hey, I never noticed you sat there, crazy huh? Ya know, nobody sits in this seat next to me, would you care to join me?" he smiles, gesturing to the bright blue chair beside him. I had always relished the fact that this lesson was the only one in which we did not have to conform to ridiculous seating plans, where you are guaranteed to be seated next to someone who you either didn't know or didn't like.

However, that was because I liked to be sat on my own and not because I had anyone I particularly wanted to sit next to. I sigh awkwardly under his question; anyone would have thought he had asked me the meaning of life. Yet, I end up giving in to Dans puppy dog eyes and pleading. _I could never say no to those eyes…_ I pick myself up and shuffle towards Dan, who is now grinning like a madman in triumph.

"Stop grinning," I smile, punching him in the arm.

Slowly the rest of the students begin to make an appearance, all of whom completely ignore me, except _him_, flanked by a girl that I didn't recognize.

"Hey Dan, what the-when did this happen?" he questions, slamming his black bag down on the desk one up from Dan; the dark haired, heavily make-upped girl sitting on the other side of Dan. A strange, unpleasant twinge begins to tug at my stomach, as she fluttered her fake eyelashes at Dan.

"What do you mean _this_?" Dan questions Chris glaring menacingly from behind his school bag.

"Since when were you friends with _him_?" he scowls, peering at me. "I thought nerds weren't your type"

"Oh piss off Chris! _Him_ has a name and he is perfectly fine nerd, no offense Phil" he pipes up, smiling at me. I nod understandably, unable to quell the blush coloring my cheeks, before returning my gaze to the floor.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were already engaged to him, when's the wedding?" Chris mocks, his voice dripping with malicious sarcasm.

"What the hell Chris, just because I don't treat my friends like shit, my _best _friends," Dan bites back, his hinting at the incident causing me to wince internally.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he growls, anger rising in his reddening cheeks.

"You know exactly what I am talking about, you good for nothing piece of shit, you spread rumors about your best friend that got him stabbed, that's what I mean" Dan snarls, his voice laced with anger. Despite my scars wincing at the mentioning of a past I would like to forget, I cannot help but feel touched at Dans defending me.

"HA! Is that what he's told you? You're more gullible than you look Howell" he shouts, causing several heads to turn in our direction. "He wasn't stabbed you ignorant twat. The only reason he tells people that is because he couldn't deal with people knowing that he's-"Chris yells as I cut him off.

"Chris please!" I plead finding my voice, tears threatening to spill from my eyes, as I recall everything he did to me.

"Alright, 'ave we got our French books out?" a loud, French voice asks. _I have never been so happy to see a teacher in my life!_

The class goes silent, as the teacher begins her lesson, but I still feel hundreds of eyes burning into my skull. I shrink in my seat and attempt to concentrate on the French conditional tense on the board, but all I can think about is what Chris said, or rather, what he almost said. I know it may seem stupid that a simple aspect of a person's personality can cause so much damage, but in this case, it isn't. I cannot afford to tell Dan about the rumors, for I know he will most definitely hate me for it; after all it's not natural. The lesson drags tremendously as I stare longingly at the clock, willing for this lesson to end so I can escape from all this. I frequently catch Chris glaring at me from the end of the desk but I am beyond caring; too focused on getting out of here.

I glance up at Dan, who is sadly looking away from me; he is too focused on the girl beside him, who is teasingly rubbing her hand up his arm, a flirtatious smile on her lips. That strange, unpleasant twinge begins to tug at my stomach again and I begin to feel nauseous. _What has she got that I haven't? _I am not normally the jealous type but, what with Dan's kind nature and Chris's cruel taunting lowering my inhibitions, it is becoming increasingly impossible to ignore the little green eyed monster gnawing at my insides.

Thankfully, the lesson ends and I bolt out the classroom straight to my dormitory, ignoring the faint calls of my name from behind me. _I have to get out of here…I was a fool to think that this year would be different…I was a fool to think that this torture would stop…_

**Awww poor Phil...**

**Please feel free to leave a review, it makes me feel needed *goes and cries in corner due to crippling loneliness* :p**

**P.S. I am going to try and alternate updates between this and my other planned chaptered fan fiction "Never Let Me Go", I hope that is okay...**


	11. Chapter 11 - Darkest before the dawn

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 11 :) Sorry for the late update but I have been away on holiday for a week in a place where there is absolutely no WiFi :( (I only just managed to survive by frequently listening to my you-tuber ringtones every day :P) Also, I had a slight crisis of conscience of whether or not I should continue writing fan-fiction. I mean, I always try to write a completely fictional story with enough detail in it to appreciate the characters enough on their own, without trying to reference or imply anything about the people in real life, but...I don't know, am I just an insane shipper that I am sure if either Dan or Phil met would surely steer clear of :'( Its just I find the friendship between the two of them so endearing and as an aspiring writer, I cannot help but find inspiration from it. Sorry Dan and Phil, please don't hate me :(**

**Anyway, rant over, please enjoy the chapter. Hopefully this guilt will subside and I will update soon, if you want me to...**

**Dan POV:**

"Phil, please wait!" I call futilely in an attempt to stop him from fleeing; anger at Chris's outburst threatening to spill over. I attempt to follow Phil, but his shaking form is lost to the swarm of escaping students and my pursuit is halted by a muscular arm latched on to my own. I stare into the eyes of its owner and feel a surge of hatred spill from my own.

"Forget about him Dan!" he bellows, his deep Northern tones laced with disdain towards Phil. _My Phil…_ "He's a filthy liar and a coward; he is not worth your time and energy, why don't you come back to your real frie-" I feel my mental elastic snap and I cannot help but allow my anger to be released.

"What the hell Chris!? How dare you! Phil is no liar and no coward. He is just smart enough to get away from vile and cruel twats like you!" My chest tightens and my throat closes as my rage, like a vice, begins to close on me. _I need to get out of here…_

"HA! He's got you whipped!" he snorts, his brown eyes narrowing into a wicked snigger. "You do realise that none of what he says is true, that he's just doing it for attention, stupid lit-" _I can't take this…_

"What do you know, eh!? Well let me tell you something you bastard, I've seen his scars and I know he is no liar. If you had any decency you would stop this right now. To think I was actually friends with a git like you"

And with that I flee from the scene; no regrets to what I have said. None. How could I have been so stupid to have been friends with a viper like him; I could never be so cruel to anyone. To be honest, I was more than a little surprised at how defensive I had become over one person.

_Hell, I've only known him for a couple of weeks, Jesus Christ! What's gotten into me?! I've gone from a happy, popular teenager to a martyr all over some pitiful, four-eyed geek. I must be losing it. I thought I had left all the drama and stress behind at home; though I have never EVER felt this protective over someone in my entire life. I guess _the_ one does that to you…What the hell, Dan, why do you keep thinking like this, you don't like him – not like that anyway…it's probably just because he's your roommate; everyone feels protective of the person they live with right?...come on Dan, we all know that's not the reason, is it – _

Thankfully my arrival at our old, wooden door prevents my confusing thoughts from escalating any further. I gulp nervously and run a clammy hand through my brown locks, cringing as I notice the ends beginning to curl. I tap loudly on the cold wood, my voice slight and apprehensive.

"…Phil, you alright?" I whisper tentatively, a lump of unease threatening the rising bile in my throat to spill over. Upon no response, I press my ear to the door and hear several muffled sobs escape the silence. With slight nervousness, I slip into the room; the thick, purple curtains casting the room into uncomfortable darkness. _Damn winter evenings! _Shuffling awkwardly towards the sniffling duvet caterpillar on the bed before me; I perch gently beside him, causing him to shift away from me instantly.

"Phil…please…talk to me," I plead, my words fractured by the heartbreaking sobs cutting through the silence.

"…p-please Dan…I j-just want to be alone…please go…" he whimpers; his voice barely a whisper, his body quivering like a frightened rabbit. _Don't talk like that…_

"I-I just want to help…" I mumble, my heart breaking at the broken boy in front of me. I have never been an emotional person. I didn't even cry when Bambi's mother was shot by the hunters, but this, to see someone I cared about so frail and vulnerable threatened to break me. I glance fleetingly around the room, in a futile attempt to find something to help Phil, when my eyes rested on a small, scruffy lion teddy perched on the window sill; it's bedraggled, mane illuminated by a thin sliver of moonlight peeking from behind the opaque curtains.

"You know even the bravest, proudest of lions need the help of the local tribesman when pursued by vicious poachers…" I start, picking up and stroking the soft toy gently, feeling Phil turn slightly to face me from behind his duvet. "Especially when all the tribesman wants to do is protect such a magnificent animal" I pull the duvet down slightly to reveal Phil's face; his cheeks puffy and stained by tears; his watery blue eyes drowning. "Please Phil; talk to me, all I want to do is help you…" I assure, placing the small animal in his hands, before smiling as he cuddles it into his chest. _Is it normal to be jealous of a toy?..._

**Phil POV:**

I sit up slowly, clutching my small lion closely, mentally slamming myself for leaving it out in the open; its presence a reminder of my childishness. I rub my arm nervously and I try to organize my spinning thoughts into comprehensible sentences.

"D-Dan, it's not that I don't want your help…its just…I…" my voice cracking with encroaching sobs. "…I can't do this…I can't take it…I have spent years of my life being tortured by what happened and I can't live with the accusations anymore. I am just a worthless liar and a coward, I have just been too stupid to realise it" I try to continue, but my voice is silenced by pair of warm arms wrapping around me; embracing me, reassuring me. My heart cannot help but soar; its wounds being slowly stitched by this touching gesture of kindness, its erratic beating soothed to a comfortable rhythm. _If only…if only…_

"Shhh, don't talk like that" he whispers, as I bury my head into his warm chest; his heartbeat lulling my panicked sobs to whispered whimpers. "I know I haven't known you long, but I can already see that you are no liar, and you are certainly no coward. You have faced your demons for so long and still came back fighting…and still managed to get good grades on top of that. You're the bravest lion _I_ have ever met" Dan beams, gesturing towards the scruffy animal in my hands, smiling his winning dimpled smile; the soulful brown of his eyes molding and mending the broken blue in my own. _Pity his healing is only temporary…_

"B-but what about C-Chris?" I whimper, pulling away slightly to face him properly; a slight blush creeping onto my cheeks at our closeness.

"Listen…" he reassures, once again closing the distance between us, my arms too weak to protest. "Don't worry about him; he's a self-centered ass who's all mouth and no trousers. His words can't hurt you…at least not while you've got this huge llama-sized bear to protect you" he chuckles, squeezing me tightly and resting his chin on the top of my head. I smile gratefully, allowing the now comfortable silence to encase us in this moment. _I wish we could stay like this forever…_

After what seems like hours, but pleasant time spent, I pull away from Dan, straightening myself up fully to face him properly.

"Dan…can you promise me something?" I ask tentatively, a look of seriousness washing over my features.

"Sure, anything" he smiles, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes, causing me to blush profusely.

"That whatever you hear about me, you w-will always stay, I mean you'll not turn on me, like all the others have, because I-I-I don't want to…I" I stutter, a river of tears threatening to burst its banks. _Way to sound desperate, Phil!_

"Listen, listen, nothing could make me turn on you, of all people, I'm not like them. Sure, regrettably I was stupid enough to be friends with them, but you have made me see how much of a fool I was. Besides, I've heard Chris sing, there can't be anything worse that I could hear that would shock me" he laughs jovially, rubbing my arm reassuringly.

"Not even if I told you I was-" _Shit Phil! Why are you telling him!?_

**Dan POV:**

The gentleness of Phil's voice was abruptly interrupted by a loud rapping on the door.

"Only me," a soft female voice announces. "I was just in the library and I heard- oh, is this a bad time?"

"No its fine, An, I was just-" Phil sniffs, pulling himself from the bed.

"Oh my god Phil, are you alright?!" she asks, jumping over to Phil and pulling him into a protective hug. _Don't get jealous Dan…_ "I heard about what happened from Carrie, I am so sorry, god he's such a dickhead, he should never have-"

"Its alright, I'm fine, anyway Dan was there to help me," Phil beams looking at me, an uncontrollable blush coloring my cheeks. _I will always be here. _Anja gives Phil a knowing look that I cannot place, earning a quick glare from Phil.

"Thanks Dan" she smiles, breaking her grip from Phil to give me a grateful hug. "Hey, uh, sorry about Chris, I guess you had to eventually see who he really was"

"No its fine, anyway as long as Phil is alright," I reply, turning to Phil and smiling.

"Okay then, if you two are alright" Anja smiles at mischievously, winking at Phil playfully. "Why don't we all go down for dinner, you two have been up here ages," There's that wink again, which earns Anja a punch in the arm and a smile from Phil. _Why can't he smile at me like that?_

It makes me so happy to see him happy; rejuvenated from the vulnerable state he was in mere hours ago. However, I cannot help but feel a slight sadness in the prospect that it is not me that is making him smile, but rather Anja. I can't even feel angry at her or even jealous that he wants to be with her; I mean, she is lovely, kind and thoughtful and cares for him like a sister. She is his lighthouse guiding him through the stormy seas and while I with always hold a torch for Phil, the light from that will only go so far.

"Hey Dan, you coming?" Phil asks me expectantly from the door.

"Yeah sure" I reply quickly, before following Phil and Anja down the winding corridor, out of the dormitory and into the canteen, the smell of tonight's special drawing me in, enveloping me. We grab our trays and head towards a small table in the corner of the grubby canteen. As much as I enjoyed sitting with Phil, I did in a way feel sorry for PJ, Louise and the others for deserting them, but as long as _he_ was with them, I couldn't face them. However, that didn't stop them from facing us. We had barely begun to eat our food or even strike up an interesting conversation when PJ, Alex and Charlie surround our table, closely followed by Em and Louise. I feel Phil shift uncomfortably beside me and I give him a reassuring smile before turning to the group; Anja already staring daggers at the five-some.

"Um…Dan…what are you doing?" Alex asks, gesturing cruelly towards Phil.

"Eating, what's it look like?" I retort, turning my attention cheekily back to the plate in front of me.

"I see…so…why don't you come sit with us, then?" he asks, a confused glint in his eyes.

"Cause he's sitting with us alright, you got a problem with that Day? Anja snarls, standing slightly to glower at the taller boy.

"Don't talk out loud Anja, you lower the IQ of the entire room," he growls, staring her down.

"Why you litt-" she starts

"It's fine Anja, as much as I would love to sit with you, you appear to be sitting with a bully, so I am afraid I am disinclined to acquiesce your request" I reply with a confident smirk turning to Alex, confusion spreading across his face as I gesture towards Chris sat at a table a few feet away. "Means no" I add confidently. I see Phil shrink under the tension and I turn to him reassuringly, expecting my once friends to leave me.

"Then we'll sit with you, right guys?" Louise pipes in, smiling at me, placing herself in the seat opposite me beside Anja, her animal like snarl, replaced by a look of curiosity. Several looks of contemplation are shared between the group before a collective grin spreads across their faces.

"Sure, alright then" Charlie states sitting down, closely followed by Em and PJ, who both give Phil a friendly smile, which is returned shyly. Unfortunately, Alex remained stationary.

"What the hell, guys? Your really gonna sit with this dorky loser and his angry Rottweiler" he snaps, looking back at Chris, who has been joined by an annoyingly flirtatious Kat, who keeps winking at me. _God, does she ever give her libido a rest?_

"Oh come off it Alex," Charlie barks at his best friend. "Why shouldn't we, there's nothing wrong with him" This earns a small smile from Phil, who has kept his gaze on the food in front of him.

"You heard what Chris said," he replies, causing Phil to wince.

"That shit-head knows nothing, understand! Everything he has told you is bollocks and I am never going to talk to him again" I shout. With a loud huff, Alex storms off back to Chris and Kat; Chris glaring at me, obviously having heard what I had said. _Good. _

We sit in uncomfortable silence for what seems like ages before finally and surprisingly a small, timid whisper breaks the silence. Phil.

"Please, you don't have to do this" he squeaks.

"Aw sweetheart, no one deserves to be spoken about like that" Louise smiles, earning several nods from around the table.

"You don't have to pretend, you know" Phil interjects, a look of sadness in his eyes that could break even the hardest of hearts.

"Who's pretending?" PJ quizzes, his bright green eyes empathetic. "Not everyone is as cruel as that lot, especially not me, I was the one who helped you when you got beaten up, remember?" he announces proudly.

"Yeah, to be honest, I never really thought you were that weird and I never listen to rumors anyway" Charlie states, smiling at Phil.

"Honey, I am not surprised you've been shy after what you've been through, which I totally believe you about by the way" Emily continues, placing her hand in Charlie's. _Definitely something going on between them…_

"Thank you, all of you" Phil says quietly, facing all of them to give a small smile, before turning to look at me. I place a comforting arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer slightly. _I cannot deny how right this feels…_

"Looks like you're definitely stuck with me now them" I grin, pleased, and he laughs lightly.

Dinner continues comfortably with the seven of us laughing and joking, as if oblivious to the previous altercation. Out of the corner of my eye I frequently notice Kat smiling flirtatiously at me, but every time she does it makes me want to stare into the magnificent blue orbs beside me. I feel my heart leap as soon as my gaze meets his and I cannot help but feel myself falling for him. However, it is not falling that is the problem; when I am falling I feel weightless; lifted, but I know that, as soon as I hit the ground the realisation hits me. _Told you didn't I Dan…_

That night I toss and turn; my mind whirling with thoughts – thoughts of him. _Can't you see it Dan…how can you be so blind…_My eyes fly open and my gaze wanders to the peaceful sleeping form across from me. _How had I not realized before? I love you Phil, hell, how could I not love you…your beautiful blue eyes, your winning smile; your ability to triumph over even the harshest of adversity. The thought of you hurting or sad causes my heart to ache and my arms to long to hold you; comfort you until the tidal wave of tears has been reduced to ripples. Wait? What does that make me? Gay? Bi? Confused? "It's just a phase" my mother would say – God! my mother, that pernicious, twisted witch, what would she think...Bollocks to her and her strict religious rules! "Love thy neighbor"- isn't that what they say? Well let me tell you something. I love my neighbor and his name is Phil Lester…_

_…trouble is, does he love me back?_

**Please review if you enjoyed :) and if you didn't...well...you can still review aswell...**

**P.S. If you are following my other chaptered fic I will hopefully be updating that soon and I was thinking of doing an idea of mine called "week of one-shots" in which I write a one shot every day for a week, at least once a month and if it is enjoyed I will take prompts from people but, I don't know...is it a stupid idea or...Anyway, tune in soon for chapter 12. Byeeeeee :)**


	12. Chapter 12 - So near and yet so far

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 12! Enjoy! I hope you like it :) I really feel like you'll think the story is dragging and is really repetitive and *goes and hides in corner* I hope its not too bad...**

**Phil POV:**

"Come on, you have to do this Dan, you can't hide from trigonometry forever," I plead, gesturing towards the pile of miscellaneous maths worksheets covering the floor.

"I can try," he pouts, pulling his duvet over his head. He had been like that for hours now. Sprawled across his bed like a starfish finding anything to occupy his attention except what he should have been focusing on - his revision; as the exams were only months away. "Why do we have to do this boring rubbish anyway?" he retorts, sighing heavily and sitting up. "When I am ever going to need trigonometry anyw-" I immediately cut him off with a swift launch of a pillow, sending him flying backwards.

"Get on with it Dan, otherwise I'll throw something harder at you," I snigger, trying to retain from laughing at his expression.

"No good sir, for I have the power of triangles," he announces sarcastically.

"What?!" I laugh, before Dans workbook collides with my chest, causing me to fall backwards. I try as best as I can to scowl at him but the triumphant look on his face causes me to burst into fits of laughter, which he quickly reciprocates.

"You Dan Howell are such a twat," I smile, standing up to face him.

"You love me really," he grins, before pulling me over in a bone-crushing hug, until we are both laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling like stargazers, our shoulders almost touching. _Of course I love you… _

I have not been this happy for the entirety of my school life. Finally things seemed to be improving. As cheesy as it sounds, it really feels like we are nearing the light at the end of the tunnel; finally seeing the silver lining of a huge black cloud. I was no longer alone; I had Dan, who was the closest friend I had ever had – and the others are very amicable also. It has been over a month since they decided to start talking to me and since then, it's like they finally see me as the person I am; not just some nerdy stereotype or cliche fueled by rumors. Still, it doesn't stop the pernicious snakes from striking and wounds to reopen. Yet I know that this time I have armor for this battle. Bandages may not heal my open scars, but they will protect them from getting any worse.

"What you thinking about?" Dan asks, turning to face me, a faint blush coloring my cheeks at the closeness of our faces.

"Oh nothing, I'm just so glad that I met you, ya know" I reply, turning also so that we are now facing each other, my calm blue eyes mixing with his warm, chocolate brown. "I know it's cheesy but, before I met you I hated school and pretty much life in general"

"Come here you," he replies, before pulling me in for a lingering hug. "I know things have been hard for you and I'm just so glad that you chose me to help you, not that I mind" he smiles, a small, but adorable dimple appearing on his cheek.

"I'll miss you next week, you know that…god, that's the first time I have EVER said I will miss anything about school in the holidays" I smile up at Dan, slightly bemused at his slightly more serious expression, one that I could not place. "Dan, you alright?"

"Um….sure," he replies, pulling me in closer. I briefly contemplate that his response was probably too hasty to be considered unsuspicious, but I was enjoying this moment too much to question anything. "Let's just enjoy what time we have and anyway don't think you'll be getting rid of me during the holidays. You don't give out this good a hug and then not expect requests" I smile at his remark and playfully jab him in his side as we lie in content silence. _I wish I could freeze this frame forever. _However, as happy as this moment is for me there is always an element of sadness in it as I know it will only ever be platonic. I know he may not be on the best terms with her at the moment; given his ex-best friends antics, but I have seen the way he looks at Kat or Louise, e_specially Louise, _and my heart sinks at the prospect of this only ever being platonic. _But I've never seen him hold someone as close to him as he does with me._ My foolish heart and head want to believe that he feels the same attachment as I do, but my conscience knows that they are just the thoughts of a stupid love struck teenager. _Still, I can always pretend that in this moment; right now; in this space in time; that Dan Howell loves me and that the love that we share could withstand anything. _

**Dan POV:**

The loud slamming of our door colliding with my stained, wooden wardrobe snaps me out of my thoughts, causing Phil to bolt upright.

"DAN! PHIL! You need to- er, is this a bad time?" she cries, staring with an urgent, but quizzical expression on her face.

"No, no it's fine!" I insist, scrambling from the bed and fixing my hair. "We were just uh…doing homework,"

"Biology?" she smirks, crossing her arms, causing a blush to color my cheeks. "No, maths…anyway, why are you barging in here?" I ask, raising his eyebrows at her, as she gives me a look that I cannot place.

"You need to come with me, now!" she insists, gesturing for us to follow her. With as much haste as in her voice we quickly follow her down the corridor; a crescendo of muffled shouts hitting our ears.

"Come on then, you little shithead!" I hear Chris shout, as the three of us reach PJ's room.

"Why the hell d'you hit him?!" I hear Charlie shout back, venom in his voice.

"What in gods name happened here?!" I gasp, struggling to contain my shock at the sight before me – PJ crouched on the floor holding a severely bruised and bleeding nose, with a very concerned Charlie kneeling beside him.

"Christopher Kendall! Oh my god!" I hear Louise cry from behind me, immediately running over to PJ's side.

"What, he bloody deserved it! Treating me like shit like that!" Chris snaps, his expression hard and menacing.

"Oh yeah, and what exactly did he do?" I retort, stepping closer to Chris and crossing my arms.

"Back off Howell!" he growls, pushing me, "What do you think? Giving a load of bullshit about how I _treat _you, how I treat _him, _like I give a flying f-"

"Well maybe he has a point, you arrogant prick!" I pipe up, pushing back against him with equal force.

"Dan please, this isn't going to help anyone," Phil tries to interject, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"YOU! You little piece of shit!" Chris spits, before pinning Phil against the bedroom wall, his arm pressed tightly against his throat.

"Pl-please…no…I'm sorry" Phil whimpers and I see red.

"Get the hell off him!" I shout, yanking Chris by his collar off of Phil. Chris pulls back, regaining his composure, keeping his glare on Phil.

"You've got them all wrapped round your little finger don't you?" he hollers.

"That's enough Chris, leave him alone!" PJ cries, cradling his face.

"NO!" he glares, "I have had it up to here with him! I am so sick and tired of everyone blaming me for what happened to him!"

"What are you talking about, you're the one who spread the rumors about him!" I bark back from behind a very frightened Phil.

"Nothing I said was a lie! I did nothing wrong and I am not to blame for what happened, yet you all seem to think that I was the instigator," he cries.

"Well you didn't have to abandon him, did you? Or turn everyone against him!" I shout, Phil's agitation becoming too much to bear.

"Hey back off! It's not my fault everyone in this school are homophobic pricks!" he shouts back, before heading to the door, glaring at Phil as he went. "I'm outta here!" And with that he was gone, his booming voice still echoing down the hall; hanging in the now excruciatingly heavy air. However, despite his spitefulness, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of hope at his outburst. _Phil's gay? That means that…no, Dan, now is not the time. _

A collective look of worry spreads across our faces as we see all the blood rush from Phil's face.

"Phil…you ok?" Louise asks concern in her voice.

"Phil…it's alright…Phil," I plead, gently resting my hand on his arm.

"Get off me!" he shouts, before bolting out the door, his sobs echoing down the corridor before he reaches our room and there is silence.

"Phil, wait!" I call after him to no avail, going to leave the room when I realise that PJ is still injured on the floor. I turn, about to help Charlie clean him up, but they both share a knowing look before Louise stops me and whispers in my ear.

"Go to him, I know how much he means to you, even if you won't admit it yourself" she stares at me with soulful eyes before nodding her head in the direction of the door. I give her an appreciative smile and a knowing look before running off in the direction of Phil.

**Phil POV:**

_That son on a bitch! I knew he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Told you! Well…there you have it Phil! Your stupid little secret is out and you have been exposed as the little faggot you are….Now everyone knows what a freak you are; Dan…PJ…Louise….Dan, they're going to abandon you just like everyone should have in the first place…just like your dad did all those years ago…_

_Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless….._

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I cry, clutching my shaking arms around my head, tucking my knees up into my chest in a futile attempt to protect myself from my harsh words.

"Ph-Phil, are you ok?" A small muffled voice questions in a worried tone.

"Go away! Please, just leave me alone," I plead, like a terrified child, in the hope that he won't look at me. Nope. A quiet creak of age-old wood causes me to burrow deeper into myself; my skin smarting and fingers pale from my clutching fingernails.

"Please Phil-" He tries to comfort.

"Don't come any closer!" I sob, burying my head in my knees and turning so my back is to him. _Why do you even bothering carrying on Phil?_

"Phil…it's me…Dan, come on," he pleads, the bed sagging under his weight as he places his hand on my shoulder - to which I quickly squirm from beneath.

"Please, don't touch me, I don't need your sympathy, you and I both know what you think of me," I snap, in a fractured attempt at anger; but my fear showing through.

"Ph-Phil, what are you talking about?" he soothes, returning his hand and slowly turning me to face him. _Can't you see the disgust in his eyes Phil…?_

"I'M A FREAK DAN! A QUEER, A FAGGOT! Worthless…useless," I cry, pulling my hands over my face; too scared to stare into his beautiful chocolate eyes; now deadly serious, but still able to melt my insides.

"Stop this, stop this right now!" he insists, pulling gently at my shaking arms to stare into my watery eyes. _Shit!_ "You are not a freak, so stop this now! You are kind, thoughtful, and funny; you are worth so much, why can't you see that?

"Stop pretending Dan! I know you want nothing more to do with me now! You know my dirty, disgusting secret, so please just go!" I plead, a tidal wave pouring from my eyes as I try to fight his grasp.

"Phil!" he cries, his warm eyes chilled by hurt. "I care so much about you, why can't you see that? I don't care that you are gay and neither do they, we all love you and we would never leave you!" _Except not like that, do you?_

"Why can't I just be normal?" I ask, my sobs dulled but still full of angst. I try to shuffle away from him, but my arms are weak and my muscles ache with sadness. So much so that I cannot escape the warm form now shuffling down next to me, pulling me into his chest; his warmth and comfort radiating and soothing my choked sobs as his protective arms wrap round me; our heartbeats in tune to each others. He brings his face close to mine and whispers softly.

"Normalness leads to sadness," he smiles and I feel myself falling into his deep brown eyes as they instantly dry my tears. We stare longingly into each others gaze for what seems like a lifetime; brilliant blue swirling with soft brown on an artist's palette, invigorating each other into a color unlike any before. I stare down fleetingly to his lips. An ache in my core that can only healed when they are touching my own; fitting together perfectly like the pieces of my broken heart as soon as I laid eyes on him. I feel my face moving towards his, our eyes closing in unison. I feel time freeze before me; my whole life has been leading to this moment. I feel his breath against my face and-

**Dan POV:**

"Dan, Phil, are you alright in there?" A voice asks, accompanied by an annoyingly loud tapping on wood. _Shitshitshitshitshitshit!_ I quickly unwrap myself from Phil, already missing his warmth, and scramble to my feet, leaving a very confused looking Phil staring up at me; a hint of sadness in his eyes. _Bloody hell Dan that was so close…you nearly just alienated your vulnerable friend from you…just because he's gay doesn't mean he feels the same way that you do!_

"Come in Louise," I call out and a cautious female appears from behind the door.

"Hey, you guys alright, you've been in here ages. Phil please don't think we hate you, we don't care that your gay or anything, we love you just as much and, you know, I've always wanted a gay best friend…or two," she whispers the last part, before turning to Phil, who is now sitting up; his small lion teddy in his hands. I glare at her for a second before turning my attention back to him.

"Thank you," he whispers, a small appreciative smile on his lips. _I was so close…_

"You two coming down for dinner? It'll just be the three of us though as Anja's had to go home due to family stuff and PJ and Charlie are both still in the nurses office. Apparently, Peej's nose is broken pretty bad and he's gonna have to go to the hospital,"

"Shit," Phil mutters, and he gives me a worried glance. "Please give the others my regards but I think I am gonna have an early night, but thank you for the offer"

"Phil you are too polite, I'm sure you'll make a boy very happy one day," she smiles, causing Phil to blush at the compliment…and me. _He's already making a boy here very happy._ "Well, looks like its just dinner for two…we have a lot to talk about" Louise gives me a knowing look which I reciprocate with a hard expression, before quickly walking over to Phil.

"I won't be very long, try to get some sleep, call me if anyone gives you any trouble ok" I fuss, placing my hand protectively on his arm.

"Don't worry, enjoy your dinner date," he smirks, jabbing me playfully in the arm. I give a quick smile before following Louise out into the corridor. We walk together in silence until we reach the bottom of the stairs, when she abruptly stops me; a hard, serious expression on her face.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?"

**...o.O**

**Please feel free to review...if the story isn't too bad...**


	13. Chapter 13 - Martyr

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 13 :) I hope you're all not finding this story too long and boring...**

**Dan POV:**

"You're going to have to talk to me at some point," Louise insists, edging slightly closer to me. I keep my gaze down; focused on the plate of food in front of me. I really did not want to have this conversation now as I knew my eyes would give away everything. _I love Phil! I love Phil! I love that adorable lion with all my heart!_

"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply hastily, the cold pasta on my plate suddenly becoming very interesting.

"Don't lie to me, you know exactly what or rather who I am talking about…a certain, black haired boy with the most amazing eyes" she continues, frowning at me. I gulp nervously; a simple reminder of his gorgeous features causing my pulse to race.

"I…um…look…um," I mumble, trying not to admit anything. "Not here, please" I gesture round the busy canteen and the hundreds of ears ready to hear me pour my heart out.

"I know a place," she replies knowingly and starts to stand up from her seat, placing her tray on the rack and then gesturing for me to do the same. I follow suit before following Louise out the grubby white doors; her black school skirt flicking as she darts down corridors and round corners until we came to a set of huge, blue double doors that I had never noticed before. I give Louise an apprehensive look, which she only returns with a playful smirk, and my nervousness seems to subside. We go to leave the building when a shrill voice from behind me halts our escape.

"Where are you two going?" the voice, obviously female, questions as I turn to face them; internally grimacing at the heavily make-upped, fake tanned brunette in front of me. "Ya know students aren't supposed to sneak out after dinner"

"None of your business!" Louise snarls, sensing my discomfort at her suggestive tone, before grabbing my hand and pulling me through the doors; the cold winter air nipping at my exposed skin. I contemplate going back to get a jumper but Louise's firm grip and the grimace on Kat's face as I fleetingly glance back convinces me to brave the freezing temperature. We walk in silence down a long, winding path that runs parallel to the dormitory block, before cutting off into a small wooded area that backs onto the school.

"Um, Louise, where are we going?" I ask tentatively.

"Just a little place where I know no one will hear us," she assures, ushering me towards a small clearing, a small pond the centerpiece and long, logs decorating the sides. "Now sit," she orders, pointing to a smaller near the edge of the water.

"You're not gonna murder me are you like in the Blair witch project," I smirk, a fake look of worry on my face.

"Maybe…depends if you're willing to talk to me," she grins back mischievously, before sitting beside me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Dan, you're my best friend and I care so much about you, you know you can talk about anything to me" Giving me a reassuring smile, I stare into her deep blue eyes full of care and attention and I relax a little. A million little voices in my head tell me that this is a bad idea, but something about my best friends calming face and the gentle breeze soothing my nerves tells me that this for the best. I know it may seem I am making a big deal about this, but what I am about to tell her is not something that for most can be talked about jovially.

"I-I do have something to tell you and….yes, it has something to do with Phil," I mumble, tears brimming in my eyes. "I-I think I m-might be…be…" I choke, quiet sobs interrupting my speech. Louise gives me a knowing look before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug, causing me to burst into tears.

"Hey, hey…shh, it's alright, you know I would love you no matter what right and so would everyone else," she coos, rubbing small circles on my back.

"N-no, you don't understand, I-I can't be that way, I can't love Phil," I sob, burying my head in her shoulder.

"Oh you are silly," she soothes, pulling away. "Why can't you, its 2014, we won't judge you and neither would Phil, giving the long, lingering looks of love he gives you," I give her a quick puzzled expression, which she returns with a suggestive smile. "Anyway, you act like I'm surprised, well you're wrong. I've secretly suspected it for a while now,"

"Really? Why?" I question, my face a picture of confusion as my sobs quieten.

"Well, you've always had girlfriends 'cause lets be honest, you're not exactly bad looking, but you never stuck with them and you never seemed to be very happy with them. You would only ever be with them for, at a maximum, a month and you would always put it down to them being not your type or too forward. Then, when I first saw you with Phil, you seemed so happy; far happier than I have ever seen you with any of your girlfriends. It was almost like you had found that spark, even if you didn't exactly notice it at first" A few more stray tears make their way down my cheek; I try to smile at her intuitiveness, but the burden of my outburst weighs me down and I cannot help myself break down again.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? I am certain that Phil feels the same way" she coos, pulling me back into another embrace, but I cannot help my frustration from boiling over and I, in a much more aggressive way than I had intended, immediately stand up from her; a look of desperate anger taking over my feature.

"NO, NO, NO, you can't tell Phil!" I sob, "You just can't…just…" The lump in my throat fractures my vocal chords; tugging at them so that I cannot speak without crying.

"Well why not?" she insists, voice raised slightly, but in concern; not anger. "Are you worried about what those homophobic twats will say?"

"No…no I can handle them, its just…_them…her_!" I wail, whispering the last; the venom in my voice burning my throat at the recollection. "My mum would kill me and I can't give that bitch the satisfaction of another imperfection of her failure of a son" I bury my face in my hands and my shoulders are heavy. It takes all my willpower to prevent myself from crumbling. "Wh-what am I going to do?"

"Daniel," she states, standing to face me as a strand of blonde hair graces her face. I take in the sincerity and seriousness in her expression and wince slightly, but am cushioned by the soft, sisterly affection in her sparkling eyes. "All I want you to be is happy and I think you will only ever truly happy with the person that you love, you have to tell Phil"

"Are you crazy?! He probably doesn't even feel the same way about me and even if he did, I'm not gonna drag him down if my parents ever found out. They would kill him and I care about him too much to let anything to happen to him," A single tear slips from my drowning eyes; Louise quickly intercepting its path by placing a comforting hand on my cheek. My breath hitches in my throat and my throat closes at the prospect of her response as a sense of fear and dread tugs at my insides.

"Dan…you have to tell him, its killing him thinking that all the love he shows in his eyes towards you is going to waste,"

"Do you think I don't want to?!" I protest; blinded by a pang of sadness. "Don't you think I want to shout from the bloody rooftops that I cannot go one second without falling desperately in love again and again for Phil bloody Lester," I cry, my knees crumbling from beneath me as I sink to my knees; my body numb to cold ground beneath me. An uncomfortably awkward silence fills the air.

"Tell your parents first and see how they react, but do not tell Phil yet if you must; that way, you can deal with your parents reaction without dragging Phil down, that way when the drama around them has passed, you can finally be happy with him; provided it doesn't break him in the process," I flinch at her coldness, but nod in appreciative understanding.

"Louise," I whisper, "Promise you won't say anything to Phil, at least until after the holidays, after I've told them"

"Promise, bear," she smiles sadly; the gravity of her sincerity emphasized by her use of my old nickname from when we were younger.

"Thanks, glitter," I smile back gratefully; the closeness of our friendship utterly obliterating the cheesiness of our nicknames. "Come on, we ought to be getting back," I sniff, rubbing a tired hand across my exhausted face.

"Yes, your husband will be wondering where you have got to," she winks.

"After the holidays, remember," I reply, jabbing her arm playfully to which he replies with a brief chuckle and a look of pure understanding, before we begin to make our way back through the forest and back to the cobbled path that we came from.

"Say, Louise," I ask in a slightly more relaxed tone. "That little place there, you've never shown it to me before, it wouldn't happen to be the place you go to whenever you and Matt need to…_study,"_ I smirk, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively and earning a playful, but painful slap across my shoulders, "Ow," I mock groan, as a huge devious smile creeps onto my face.

"Stop it you," she grins, "And anyway, once this whole issue has blown over you'll understand the benefits of extracurricular encouragement," I blush profusely at her insinuation before jabbing her side; both of us bursting into a fit of giggles as we make our way back to the dormitory building.

**Phil POV:**

I lie in peaceful silence for what seems like forever; my mind swimming with numerous replays of the events of today. I had expected to feel anger and bitterness towards Chris for revealing me to Dan and the others, but all I feel is a pang of exhilaration and, in some ways, relief. Despite everything that he has done to me I almost feel grateful to him for setting me free from the shackles of my secret. Of course, I had expected them all to run a mile when they found out; given the reactions of the rest of my classmates and I shudder to think of what could have happened had they not reacted so amicably.

I toss and turn in a futile attempt to find sleep, but my thoughts are unwilling. Yet, it is not nightmares or negativity that is preventing me from escaping to the world of dreams, but one stupidly attractive brown eyed boy. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but every time he shows care towards me, or even gives me one of those too-cute-for-your-own-good dimpled smiles, my heart foolishly leads me to believe that what he feels towards me is anything more than platonic. _Stop it Phil, he's straight! _I try to tell myself, but then we share another moment that only two soul mates would share and the love I feel for him blinds me to all rationality. Yet, it may not be irrational to think that he loves me; after all, we very nearly-_ Stop it Phil! You're going to scare him off with your infatuation! It could have been a spur of the moment thing; it's perfectly reasonable to believe that what he nearly did was out of pure comfort – not love. Anyway why would he want to kiss you? _

I groan inwardly at my encroaching negativity; my jet-black hair a mess as I bury my head in my pillow. The conflict in my head is unforgiving; like a hopeful child picking off the last of the petals in a desperate attempt to determine their fate. He loves me…he loves me not…._this is going to be a long night…_

**Dan POV:**

"Thanks for everything, Louise," I smile, giving a friendly hug to my best friend.

"Anytime, that's what friends are for, right?" she reciprocates, before pulling away.

"That was really cheesy, you know," I smirk before receiving a swift, but painful jab in my arm and a disapproving, but jovial, scowl in my direction.

"So…are you sure you want to go along with this," she asks, her expression hardening slightly. I nod with equal seriousness, before turning to head into my room. "Just be careful ok; remember, if you ever need anything, you know I'm here,"

"Thank you, he's been hurt so much in the past few weeks, I cannot afford to let him get hurt again" I explain sadly, receiving an understanding smile, before she begins to make her way down the hall and out of sight. I sigh at the prospect of the lie I am going to have to live for the next week; I can't go five minutes without blushing whenever he does something adorable, which is almost every five seconds, how am I going to keep a strict poker face? _Come on Dan, you don't want that twisted gargoyle from hurting him when she finds out you're gay? _My hatred for my mother and my love for the loser sleeping behind this door spurs my confidence on and, releasing the breath I never knew I was holding; I make my way into the darkened room. I know many would ask why I have to tell my parents but; her being a governor at the school, she would soon realise that I was hanging around with Phil, who the teachers probably all know is gay, so she would soon lay into him; inevitably revealing my own secret. Rather it came from me than her to figure it out herself.

Of course, being as graceful as a walrus with no limbs, I was a fool to think that I could sneak into the room without revealing my clumsiness and ultimately, waking Phil up, despite the fact that I really didn't want to confront him tonight.

"Ow!" I gasp, much louder than I had wanted, as my arms fly down to clutch my now throbbing, and probably bleeding, shin. "Bloody bed stand," I whisper angrily, as I try to hobble over to my bed and tend to my leg – a frantic prayer running through my mind as I hope to God, Jesus, Sponge-bob that I haven't woken him up.

"Dan, are you ok?" a familiar Northern voice asks, as the light is flicked on. _Shit!_

"Um….yeah….fine…," I cough, the sharp pain in my leg having winded me. "Please…just go b-back to-" I plead, in between winces, as I roll my damp trouser leg up to reveal a very nasty looking scrape at the top of my shin. It's not too deep to require medical attention, but it is still bleeding profusely.

"Oh my god Dan!" he shouts, pulling on his glasses, before rushing over to me and kneeling down to look at my leg. "Should I get the nurse-,"

"No," I insist, "It's just a scratch, I'll be fine," He frowns, adorably.

"At least let me clean it up for you," he suggests, pulling a small first aid from underneath his bed. I blush heavily under his touch.

"Please don't do that," I whisper, fully aware of my burning cheeks and my increased heart rate. _Why do you have to make this so hard?_

"Nonsense, that's what I am here for, right," he smiles up at me; his eyes glistening in the artificial light, before continuing to tend to my leg. His hands are so gentle and his touch seems so natural and I can feel myself falling further in love with him. Why does he have to be so caring? Why did I have to fall in love with him? I suppose, that's the definition of the one you love isn't it; the one that allows you to be who you are; the one who lets your true colors shine. If only I could show you…_Keep it together, Dan!_

Despite the fact that he had only cleaned my wound I, selfishly, couldn't take his close proximity anymore. It was torture to be so close, but yet so far from being happy in love. I sigh heavily before going to bat his hand away. _How am I going to last an entire week?_

"I think that'll be fine…I…uh…can c-carry on from here," I insist awkwardly, before going to stand up; wincing slightly as a sharp pain courses through my wound.

"Dan, don't be silly, let me dress it for you," he replies; a look of confusion and worry on his face.

"No, really, it's fine," I continue, as I feel my cheeks heat up again and tears pool in my eyes. _Get it together Dan! You don't want him to suspect anything!_

"Dan!" he calls, his eyes serious, but caring, "Sit…now," he grabs my wrists gently and guides me to sit back down; a sharp spark coursing through my veins at his touch. He then swiftly gets back to work; dressing my wound with as much care as possible. I keep my gaze fixed on him for the entire time; my mind so caught up with the boy in front of me that I do not even flinch when he dabs those stinging antiseptic wipes on my cut, to which my usual response would be a sharp slap for the instigator and a colorful range of vocabulary. I sigh silently when I again, for the fiftieth time tonight, review in my head the effect that one, completely ordinary, person could have on me.

"There, finished," he smiles up at me, a hint of triumph coating his glassy blue eyes. "Dr Doolittle would be proud of me," he jokes, earning him a slap in the arm from me.

"Oi! What are you implying?" I sneer playfully.

"Noooothing," he smiles, his tongue poking out, in the most adorable way I have ever seen as his hair falls in front of his face.

"Thank you," I smile sadly, brushing the hair from his eyes; my urge to reach over and kiss his stupidly smug face almost overpowering me. I inch forward but then my mother's stupid, cackling grimace appears in my thoughts and reminds me why I cannot make my move just yet. My annoyance must have been evident on my face as Phil gives me a worried look before placing a comforting hand on top of mine; rubbing comforting circles over my knuckles; easing my discomfort, but at the same time heightening it as it reminds me of what I cannot have.

"Are you ok?" he asks, his eyes full of concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie, a fake smile on my features, "Just tired," He gives a reassuring smile, before standing up and heading back over to his bed, climbing under the covers. We exchange our swift good-nights and I lay down; completely undeterred by the fact that I am still wearing my school uniform. I close my eyes; my rabid thoughts drowning out my stinging leg. I look briefly over to Phil's sleeping form and a large, but quiet sigh escapes my lips. _How am I ever going to last a week?_

**...(Poor Dan)...**

**Please feel free to review :) Hopefully you're enjoying the story :)**


	14. Chapter 14 - Misunderstandings

**Hiya everyone! Here's chapter 14, enjoy! I hope you're not finding this story too boring - it will get more interesting in the next few chapters - I promise ;)**

**Phil POV:**

"Alright, can anybody translate this sentence - je mange le petite enfant, est qu'il y a une salle de jeux ?" Miss Wooten chimes, as a collective groan of annoyance sweeps through the classroom; her sharp, European tones breaking me from my daydream staring mindlessly out the winter misted window. "Ah, Monsieur Oakley, if you please," I sigh gratefully at her choosing to bypass me; my mind too preoccupied to pay attention to this incredibly boring and tedious lesson. I suppose one of the benefits of being a perceived "nerd" in this class is that the teacher more or less will leave you alone; preferring to pick on the less able students than ask someone who she knew would know the answer, unless it's an impossibly difficult question that even a fluent French person would struggle with.

Anyway, I was in no mind to care even the slightest about French right now; I was too concerned with the negative thoughts swimming round my head like an angry swarm of wasps. I release a breath I never knew I was holding and return my gaze to the window; beads of condensation cutting jagged lines across its frosted surface. It is exactly two days until we are released back into the outside world and to say I am dreading it is an understatement. I am probably drastically over-thinking this, as it is not like I have a horrible home to go back to, but, with everything that has happened recently I do not know how I am going to cope. I mean, as cheesy as it sounds, I have really started to enjoy school now that I have a certain someone in my life and I do not know how I am going to cope with the mundane blandness of life back home without him - plus I will probably receive a sharp grilling over my altercation with those two dickheads resulting in a tearfully heartfelt speech from my mum about how much she cares about me; accompanied by her views on equality etc, etc.

_Why are you over-thinking this Phil? Dan probably won't even be thinking about you while he's enjoying himself on holiday…_ I sigh a little at the prospect; my mind has being doing this a lot to me recently – trying to convince me that over the holidays Dan will forget about me; or will find some new, much more interesting friends than me and then desert me; after all, it's happened before…_No, Dans not like that! He's kind…caring…thoughtful – he would never desert you like they did; besides you trusted him enough with your deepest, darkest secret and he still didn't leave you, so why would he now?_

Having said that, he has been decidedly subdued this week, and I have no idea why. I mean, last week we were so close; we almost…you know….but these last few days, it has almost been as if he is uncomfortable being too close to me. We still laugh and joke together, even as socially awkward as we are, but something seems to have changed. _Maybe he's finally realized how much of a freak you are Phil – I mean, you didn't expect him to be comfortable with a faggot like you, did you? I bet had he not been with his friends, he wouldn't even have cared that those twats were wailing on you…I bet he would have let you die…_

I rub my temples with my icy hands as I feel my anxiety boil and my throat close; my thoughts searching fruitlessly for an explanation for his sudden avoidance. Have I been too forward with him? Have I made it too obvious that I am head over heels in love with him; that my heart goes into overdrive every time he flashes me one of those cheeky dimpled smiles. Maybe I have been foolish in thinking that my feelings would ever be reciprocated and as a result I have been selfishly blinded of his straightness. _I am such a fool…but I can't lose him, even if just a friend…_

I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts I had not even noticed the bell ringing; signalling it was now lunchtime. With as much haste as I could muster to avoid looking like an idiot, I quickly gather up my things and exit the classroom before diving into the sea of students; allowing the current to carry me before reaching the heaving canteen. Luckily, given my late departure, PJ and Charlie were already sat at a small table in the far corner next to the vending machine. Thankfully, PJ's nose was looking a lot better and the guilt I felt about Chris hurting him because of me subsided a little. Sadly, Dan was not with them and my heart sunk a little. _Maybe he really was avoiding me? _

"Hey Phil, you ok" Charlie chirps through a mouthful of apple crumble, as I sit down beside him.

"Yeah, just tired…hey, have you seen Dan?" I ask a hint of desperation in my voice.

"Charlie don't talk with your mouth full! No sorry, why?" PJ interjects; an expression of concern flickering in his vibrant green eyes.

"Just curious…he wasn't in French and I was…um…curious," I reply, trying to hide my disappointment and feeling of dread.

"Oh, I think he's getting extra tuition with Louise for maths, apparently he's had Mrs Etra on his case cause of his grades," Charlie explains, a hint of disgust in his voice. "Although that bitch is always pouncing on people for no good reason,"

"Charlie!" PJ snaps, causing me to smile slightly at his forwardness.

"What! She's always accusing me of talking when I clearly wasn't; I swear she has some sort of personal vendetta against me!" he recoils, furrowing his brow into a disgusted frown.

"_It takes two to tango!"_ PJ smirks matter-of-factly, akin to her signature catch-phrase when addressing overly disruptive students who accuse her of over meddling. Charlie gives him a disapproving glare before returning his attention to his food and pulling out his copy of Game of Thrones. "So Phil, are you sure you're alright, you seem very down," PJ continues, his expression now more serious, before flashing me a quick reassuring smile.

"Um…it's probably nothing but, has Dan seemed a bit…um…off to you, like he's got something on his mind," I explain, keeping my gaze down to avoid revealing my own emotions.

"Uh…well, he has been pretty stressed about maths, but he's always been quite vocal as to his annoyance at that particular subject; other than that I'm not sure; why do you ask?" he inquires, running a hand through his curly brown hair.

"It's just…he seems distant when he is around me, I don't know, it's probably nothing but, ever since last week, its like…I don't even know…you don't think its because-," I mumble, fighting a long battle to prevent my eyes from releasing the tears they are holding, as I begin to tremble slightly. Sensing my discomfort PJ gives me a worried look before placing a caring hand on my shoulder; rubbing it soothingly.

"Hey, don't worry, you two are so close, I'm sure its nothing to do with you," he soothes.

"-because I-I just can't let someone else in if they're just gonna use this against me again," my voice is barely above a whisper as his bright green eyes meet my watery gaze.

"Listen, listen none of us, especially Dan, would ever feel uncomfortable around you, please understand that. Why make fun of something about someone they cannot change. He's probably stressed cause he has to go back to his bitch of a mother who constantly grills him about his grades soon, he would never be off with you," he explains. I give him an encouraged smile, which he reciprocates, before we quickly lapse into aimless, but more relaxed conversation. Despite all of my negativity PJ is always able to make me feel better, even if I haven't necessarily known him that long.

**Dan POV:**

"I swear, if I see one more stupid simultaneous equation I shall not be held responsible for my actions," I groan, pulling my tattered maths book into my school bag after a tediously long extra maths session. Rubbing my hand through my straightened brown hair I glance fleetingly at my watch only to recoil in horror at the realisation of how little lunch we had left. "Shit! We've missed 20 minutes of lunch…Great; the queue is gonna be murder now, Goddammit!"

"Will you stop complaining already?! You should be grateful you are getting this help from me, I had to sacrifice a lot to stay and help you," Louise states matter-of-factly, hitting me around the head with her ruler, before busying herself with tidying away her own things.

"Oh sorry, Einstein!" I smirk, my voice dripping with sarcasm and a smug expression on my face. "I didn't realise I was interrupting the great mathematicians date with the gorgeous _Matt_" I smile, being overtly exaggerated in my eyelash fluttering and receiving a sharp, but playful, slap across my shoulders in response, causing us both to burst out into a fit of laughter.

"Come on," she smiles, "Let's just get out of here so we can get _some_ food,"

Luckily the corridors were pretty empty; the rapid flow of students reduced to a gentle trickle; so we were able to reach the canteen pretty easily. _Hopefully the vultures have not picked clean the counters just yet…_Unfortunately; it would appear the entire school has tried to cram itself into the small, pale white building and inside was just a blur of black uniforms, food wrappers and mindless chatter. _Definitely not gonna get that cheese Panini now…_

We amble aimlessly through the crowds until we finally find PJ and Charlie already sat at a table together, so we begin to make our way over to them. My heart sinks a little and my face falls when I notice that familiar blue eyed boy sitting beside them and my pace slows considerably. His sullen, sunken features cause sympathy to tug at my insides as I contemplate whether or not he has realized I have distanced myself from him recently. I know it may seem harsh, but it's all I can do to stop myself from breaking into a chorus of "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston every time he looks at me. _Way to be melodramatic Dan!_ I just hope he doesn't take it the wrong way. I would give anything to just run up to him and hug him until my arms ache and connect our lips like we almost did, but I know that I must wait until I have told my parents; that way they cannot come to their own conclusions and end up hurting him. I turn slightly to Louise whose face is a reflection of all the pent up frustration I feel right now. Clearly registering my discomfort, she gives my shoulder a comforting squeeze before whispering soothingly in my ear.

"Don't worry Dan, it'll be worth it in the end," she soothes, before nudging me in the direction of the trio, who appear to be debating about doctor who.

"Yeah, well _I_ say David Tennant was the best doc- Oh hey Dan, Louise! You took your time," Charlie calls, smiling brightly at us as we approach them and sit down. "Have fun rubbing elbows with _she who puts her underwear on before her trousers_?" I chuckle slightly at Charlie's cheerfulness and sarcasm, but internally grimace at the disturbing mental image. _Of all the ways she could have described to us how to do BIDMAS, which I still do not understand fully by the way…maybe that's why…ugh…_

"Yeah whatever," I frown, before turning to PJ, all the while trying to avoid eye contact with Phil. I go to strike up an interesting conversation when a chorus of wolf whistles alerts me to a table not too far from us. I groan when I realise it is the table of Alex, who's sat with his hooligan friends Kat, Caspar and none other than Chris, who surprisingly, doesn't seem too happy to be there.

"There he is!" Caspar shouts in a suggestive tone, standing and gesturing Kat and Caspar over to our table with Chris preferring to stay where he is. A horrible screeching ricocheting as the metal of their chairs met polished wood. "And there was me thinking you were a faggot, Howell" I see Phil flinch at such a horrible insult and I immediately feel my anger building.

"What the bloody hell are you on about you idiot?!" I snarl my patience already paper thin after the maths session.

"You and little miss over here," he continues, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I give Louise a confused look, which is swiftly shared throughout the table, before she pipes in.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she calls, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"JEEZ, well aren't you a little ray of sunshine considering what you two have been up to…you could at least be pleased about it, Jesus!" he growls back.

"Caspar stop with the stupid euphemisms, what exactly do you mean," PJ interrupts, his patience just as non-existent as mine as he gives me a questioning look, which I can only return with one of ignorance.

"Him and Louise, getting in on in the forest behind the school," he answers, grinning like the moron he is at my gaping fish impression.

"What the!" Charlie blurts out shocked, nearly choking on his water as the entire group turn to face me; sadly including Phil.

"What…no! We didn't…," I mutter, blushing heavily under their piercing gaze.

"Where on earth did you get such a ridiculous idea?" Louise states looking just as flabbergasted as I was as we both look at each other dumbfounded.

"Kat told us; she said she saw you two sneak out after dinner last week and that she confronted you but you were all defensive about it," he explains; the smugness never leaving his face.

"Why the bloody hell did you tell them that?" I growl, my eyes narrowing into a disgusted grimace at Kat, who is smirking in mock cheeriness.

"Well why else would you sneak off so late?" she sniggers, "And anyway, I've seen Pentland over here sneak out loads of times with that boy in the year above…jeez, I wonder how he would feel if he found out about you two," she giggles cruelly, still wearing her stupid, sickly sweet smile.

"Look you bitch; we were not doing anything of the sort!" Louise pipes up with tears in her eyes at the impending rumor. Even though I had never met this Matt character, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as it really seemed that he made my best friend happy.

"Well…what _were_ you doing then?" a voice asks and I am surprised to see that it's owner is Phil, a look of confusion and something I cannot place on his face, causing my stomach to lurch and my throat to close. All eyes turn to me and my anxiety rockets. There is no way in hell I can tell them what we were actually doing; it's just a shame that I am so socially awkward that I struggle to tell them a lie.

"We were just…um…just," I try to reply; Phil's questioning gaze forming a lump in my throat, strangling my vocal chords. I glance fleetingly back to Louise who has a solemn look on her face and I struggle to finish my sentence.

"L-listen you don't have to feel guilty about it…I…uh…am happy for you two," he smiles sadly; his eyes glassy, which causes my heart to shatter into a million little pieces. "Uh…I have to go…I need to see my chemistry teacher anyway…I'll see you round," he mumbles, before quickly standing and exiting the canteen; without even a glance at me. I hear PJ call out to him but to no avail before he gives me a very strange expression. Dumbfounded; I just sit there, although my mind is screaming to go after him, but I can't give the game away. _Great…how am I gonna tell him I love him now…he probably hates me. _

"Jeez what was her problem," Alex mutters, earning a sharp glare from his ex-best friend Charlie and PJ.

"Probably jealous that the gorgeous Dan here is actually normal, unlike him," Kat jeers, flicking her hair from her eyes with a perfectly manicured hand; although to me her nails look more like talons.

"Hey, back off will you!" PJ snaps, gesturing to the three of them.

"I'm just saying, we're not all prissy faggots now are we," she mocks, her voice laced with sarcasm. _What like me?_ If looks could kill, she wouldn't even be standing there right now. I cannot believe she has done this; I want to shout and scream at her but I am so paralyzed with rage right now that I just sit there, mouth wide open and eyes narrowed in a shocked grimace. "Come on you two, the others aren't going to believe us when we tell them," And with that, the three of them flounce off back to their table, leaving the rest of us without words.

"Well, that escalated quickly," Charlie states, finally breaking the awkward silence, holding up his water bottle akin to the annoyingly popular meme. "You know you two kept that quiet…still, I'm happy for you two,"

"Look, this is ridiculous, this isn't what you think," I try to protest, "Tell em Louise,"

"Yeah, come on guys, what they are saying is bullshit, we really didn't do anything" she tries to explain, her face a reflection of the worry on mine.

"Yeah…well," PJ interjects, frowning, "Not all of us are that easy to fool," He gives me a knowing look before sighing heavily; as if he knows something that I don't.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask a hint of confusion in my voice as I try to contemplate what he was insinuating.

"Nothing, just remember that not everyone can be as blase as you,"

**Phil POV:**

I ran as quickly as I could to get out of there; away from them; away from _him_. _How could I have been so stupid? Stupid, stupid, stupid little lovesick Phil..._Stop it! Stop it_! ...Stupid, stupid, stupid little lovesick Phil! _I can't get the conflict in my head to stop and my ears are ringing. A stream of tears stings my cheeks as I run into the bathroom; flinging my bag down as I put my head in my hands, crying quietly. How could I have been such an idiot? It was obvious that he would never feel the same way about me – why would he anyway? I let out a quiet sob and hang my head; I don't even know why I am getting so worked up over this. Dan was never nor will ever be gay, I should just accept that – but I can't. I wish it was me that he thought about like that; I wish it was me who he would come to for comfort and I wish he would look at me with even of the fraction of the love that I feel for him. I'm just some stupid, gay little faggot that cannot accept that he's not a freak like me – but why would he lead me on like that? Maybe it was just me reading in too deep; seeing words that were never actually written; still singing even though the song is already over, but can you blame me? He's the closest person I have been to for a long time. After four years of pain, despair and anguish, as soon as I laid eyes on him, I felt myself starting to heal and I didn't want that feeling to end, but, no one can be happy forever and the higher the pedestal the harder the fall.

I hope in the future he finds someone as special as he is to me and I hope she makes him happy. I'll support him through it all, I'll be the best man at his wedding; I'll be an uncle to his children; I'll still be there when he's old and grey, yet no less stunning – still with the same supportive smile on my face. But, he will never know how much he means to me; he will never know how much I wish that his special someone could be me. A single tear slips down my face as I stare up at my broken down face in the smeared glass. _Actions speak louder than words and if I can never tell him how I feel, I can sure as hell show him…my best friend…_ At least we won't be at school next week…at least I don't have to see him for a week…maybe I'll find someone special myself…

**Don't look at me like that ;) Anyway, patience is a virtue and the more the angst, the more feelz you get when they do finally find each other... Please feel free to review, I like talking to all you people (in the most non-stalkerish way possible ;))**

**P.S. (in case you're wondering/ even if you're not) If your confused by all the random teacher mannerisms in this story they are all based on teachers that I have encountered in my 16 years of life...well, that's education for you ;) Byeeeeee xxxxx**


	15. Chapter 15 - The calm before the storm

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 15, Yippee! Just a quick warning, this is quite a boring, filler chapter but don't worry, it's just in preparation for the srs bsns in the next one...muahahaha! **

**P.S. I hope you don't mind but the next chapter will be mostly Dan's POV but don't worry all you phillions, Phil will be back soon after...and there will be fluff...muah *coughs* haha *coughs* ha!**

**Dan POV: **

_Crap! Crap! Crap! This is it! Oh shit, shit, shit, shit! I can't do this! I can't do this! She's gonna kill me; she's gonna disown me….wait, why should I care, she's a twisted evil monster who's always looked down on me, why does it matter what she thinks…but she might hurt Phil…no, she wouldn't…she would….But I have to do this if I want to be with Phil…but does he want to be with you?...I can do this….no you cant…YES I CA-_

"Dan! Dan are you okay?" I hear a concerned, tired voice ask, accompanied by a slight shake of my shoulder. "Wake up; you were just having a bad dream…"

"Wha-what!" I splutter, my eyes blinking open at the familiar black haired boy in front of me and my arms flailing; before a loud groan escapes my lips at the sunlight and I pull my shaking hands over my burning eyes. "What time is it?" I inquire feebly, cocooning myself back into my comfortable, brown duvet. _Wake me up when it's morning!_

"Uh, hold on…um, about 8 o'clock," he explains; the mattress beside me relaxing as he goes to grab his phone from the bed side table. _OH SHIT!_

"Oh bloody hell Phil…why didn't you wake me up, my mum's gonna be here in half an hour and I'm not even dressed or packed or anything!" I shout, before bolting from my duvet and running over to my wooden wardrobe and begin to pull out random items of clothing; not even wincing at the sudden icy change in temperature…or even daring to cover up the fact that I am only in my underwear in front of the person who I am infatuated with. _Still…it could be worse Dan, you could have tripped over and pulled down their only item of clothing like that one day at the beach_…_yet, you weren't in love with them…maybe he'll enjoy the view….Stop it Dan!_

I wince internally at my cringe-worthy memory before pulling on my trademark black skinny jeans and my black Muse t-shirt…_Phil said he always liked that one…_and glancing to a now sniggering and fully dressed Phil sat by his completely packed suitcase, who appears to be enjoying my suffering.

"What are you smirking at?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, trying futilely to prevent a smile from creeping onto my own face. _I try to be angry at him, but then he pokes that little pink tongue out and I…_

"Just you," he smiles bluntly, "You've known for weeks that we'd be leaving today, yet you've still left everything to the last minute,"

"Well, as helpful as your observation may be Mr Holmes…," I start sarcastically as I shuffle to my feet and go to straighten my hair; luckily the straighteners were still warm from Phil using them, "…I would really appreciate that you would put your magnifying glass away and help me pack my stuff so my mum doesn't murder me for being late…cause then you'd really have something to investigate," I plead, gesturing to my hollow suitcase, and giving my best puppy dog eyes as possible. Phil lets out a loud laugh at my feebleness before going to grab some of my stuff.

"The game is on!" he cries cheerily, before starting to pack my clothes into the empty possession vessel. I cannot help but smile at his enthusiasm; the very thought of packing caused my insides to knot uncomfortably – and not just because I'm as lazy as a sloth with no arms, but because I cannot bring myself to do it. The more I prepare, the closer I get to having to go home…to face her and tell her everything. Still, out of pure courtesy, I go over and help Phil with packing my stuff; the mere memory of being happy with Phil after this whole charade is over encouraging my arms to move.

After several moments of pleasant silence; probably filled with me staring like Jeff the Killer at the stupidly attractive boy in front of me, he finally breaks it and I try to hold off the blush from coloring my cheeks; fully aware that I cannot blow my cover now as I am now so close.

"So…are you looking forward to going home?" he muttered nonchalantly, although with a hint of something else that I could not place.

"Um…not really…not really looking forward to seeing my mum again," I shrug, trying to keep my tone as blase as possible so to not give away my true intention and feelings on my return home.

"But…surely you've got friends or other family that you're looking forward to seeing," he replies, handing me some of my mismatched possessions.

"Well, I might see my younger brother if he's bothered to come home from that girlfriend of his, but that's about it. I might ask round if anyone is free…but…I dunno," I explain, fully aware that I will not have time for a social life this week.

"What about Louise?" he asks and I cannot help but stare sorrowfully into his watery blue eyes; his words empty and distant, but his eyes revealing a layer of sadness that I cannot comprehend. I try to read further into his unhappiness at the subject, but he quickly tears his gaze from mine to fiddle around with zip of my suitcase.

"Uh, probably, she's my best friend after all," I smile sadly, "But, just my friend," I am quick to add. I know it is probably a long shot but if I'm going to confess my love for someone I have to make sure he knows that I am single. I would have started playing "All the single ladies" but that might not have been appropriate for this situation. _No shit Sherlock…_

"You know, you don't have to be embarrassed about being with…_her_," he explains, that hint of sadness remaining that causes my heart to sink slightly. "I don't have a problem with it Dan, you didn't have to feel nervous around me because of it…I just wish you had told me" The hurt in his voice causes me to almost feel guilty about not telling him, but then there is nothing to tell him; well, nothing involving Louise, but that can wait until later.

"But, there really isn-," my explanation was interrupted by a loud knock at the door, which Phil is quick to answer; keeping his gaze well and truly fixed away from mine.

**Phil POV:**

"Ah, there you two are," a familiar voice chirps, "Mrs Lucas has been wondering where you two were; ya know students that are leaving are supposed to be downstairs by eight to be signed out,"

"Oh sorry Peej, I was just helping Dan pack his stuff…Sleeping beauty over there forgot that we actually have to wake up in the morning," I smile weakly, gesturing over to the brown haired boy now dragging his humongous and ludicrously heavy suitcase towards the door.

"I'm here, don't worry, don't worry, anyway its not like I wanted to go home anyway," he sighs, flashing me a small smile. I try to respond in kind, but the pain of our momentary previous conversation prevents me from expressing any happy emotion towards the beautiful boy beside me. I know I shouldn't hold it against him that he has found someone else, but the fire you feel for someone cannot be extinguished even if you know they will never need its warmth.

PJ gives Dan a disapproving half smile before gesturing us both out of the room. I grab my suitcase and things from beside my bed, careful not to brush against Dan and cause a distinct crimson to color my cheeks. We quickly follow PJ down the narrow corridor and the now familiar staircase to the packed reception area filled with a bored looking group of students anxiously waiting for their parents to rescue them from prison. Had you asked me last year if I was looking forward to going home, I would have replied in no uncertain terms that I was ecstatic to be escaping the hell hole that I considered school, and I have to say, this year my stance sadly remains unchanged. Call me a pessimist but, even though I am grateful that my school experience has improved greatly, I know that if I stay here any longer the torture of seeing Dan, the one I am in love, with someone else will surely break me just as much as the blows and kicks that those homophobic twats in my classes throw at me.

"There you are you two," a bemused looking Mrs Lucas shouts at us, throwing her arms up in an exaggerated gesture of annoyance. "I am so glad you decided that doing what you were supposed to do was better than having a lie in," she glares sarcastically, her anger and frustration clearly evident through her throbbing temples. We shrug her annoyance off with cursory apologies and looks of "we promise not to do it again" before she shoos us off to go and yell at a first year for dropping his suitcase down the stairs. I sigh quietly as I notice Dan has already gone to join PJ, Charlie and Louise; his conversation animated and his smile winning. _Probably from all the extra "attention" he has been getting_. I shudder at the thought as I make my way towards the group; a fake smile of normality plastered on my face. I am not the jealous type; usually I can accept the inevitable and face up to the facts even if I may not necessarily like them, but accompanied by the nasty thoughts in my head, I am struggling to comprehend any happy emotion or even neutrality towards this very tender subject. I wish I could be happy for them; I almost feel guilt towards Louise for having such feelings towards such a lovely person. She makes him happy, so that should make me happy. I hate how this stupid, pathetic envy is making me feel…but I hate the though of never being able to hold Dan as my own even more…

**Dan POV: **

"Ready to go then Dan," Louise smiles and I try to respond in kind to her valiant attempt at small talk, but the twisting knot of nausea in my stomach is preventing my face from displaying anything other than a tired grimace. _Thank god I missed breakfast…_

"Uh…sure," I mumble, doing everything I can to prevent myself from passing out from the pressure of the thoughts inside my head. _It's nearly time Dan…_I feel my hands start to shake as the prospect looms as I feel Louise pull me into a reassuring hug; whispering encouragingly in my ear. I ignore Charlie suggestively wiggling his eyebrows and PJ giving me a sad smile as I try to focus my attention on Phil, who is still yet to connect his eyes back to mine. I cannot help but feel that he has been uneasy around me recently, but I cannot worry about that now. _Maybe he suspects something…oh god…no he wouldn't have; if anything the whole business with Louise threw him off the scent…_

"That's enough of that, don't you think Daniel," I wince internally as I automatically recognize the shrill, authoritative tones from behind me. I pull quickly from my best friends embrace; standing alone, and turn to face the demon in front of me as the calming, friendly atmosphere shatters.

"Hello, mum," I mutter; my hatred for the person in front of me simmered only by my nervousness. I shuffle awkwardly towards her as her disapproving gazes bores into my skull; my friends mindless chatter silenced by her mere presence. My friends are fully aware of how demeaning she can be, so I am not surprised that she has turned their happy-go-lucky attitudes into stunned silence.

"Are you ready to leave then?" she snarls; her cold, blue eyes narrowed in a frown; her school mistress dress and stature oozing intolerance to anything that did not conform to her ideas of normality….and that thought terrified me. I glower slightly at her disregarding expression; her royal highness choosing not to dignify my friends with even a passing glance. She has always disapproved of all the people I have been friends with. _They're a bad influence on you Daniel._ I shudder at the recollection of my mother's attitude as I silently go to collect my suitcase and belongings; my torrent of dark thoughts swirling as the prospect of my announcement (which she would surely disapprove of) looms. I give my friends a silent goodbye with my attempted assuring smile; all of them responding in kind. Reading their expressions was an easier way of communicating while my mother was around. I was not going to give _her_ the satisfaction of shushing them. _Still, there is always one who forgot that lesson at MI5…_

"Wait, Dan!" I hear Phil's voice call as I turn to follow my executioner. _A bit dramatic Dan…although after this week…well…._

"What is it Phil?" I ask; half in annoyed sadness as this will surely annoy my mother and half in surprised happiness that he is actually looking at me properly with his beautiful eyes for the first time in forever. I cannot deny how much I have missed swimming in those calm blue waters.

"Um…I was just wondering, um, can I have your number? It's just…I," he mumbles, tugging nervously at the hem of his sonic t-shirt. Anyone else would have found his forwardness impertinent, but to me, it's Phil being his adorably awkward self, which I found absolutely gorgeous.

"Why? Not planning on stalking me are you?" I joke, jabbing his arm playfully.

"Maybe," he jokes back, smiling adorably, "Not really, just…maybe we can hang out some time, if you don't mind," I cannot help but grin ear to ear at the request. I can sense my mother rolling her eyes behind me, but to be honest, I am in a disobedient mood at the moment.

"Daniel, we really must be going, your father is waiting in the car and I'm sure your _friends_ need to be leaving as well," she snarls, almost spitting the word "friends", causing my blood to boil at her disapproval.

"Alright! Just a moment," I retort, a little harsher than I had intended – although I didn't regret it one bit. "Pass me your phone and I'll put it in, although I can't believe I didn't give it to you sooner,"

"I guess we have been hanging out together so much you haven't really needed to," he smiles shyly, handing me his phone and I cannot help but notice a distinct blush color his cheeks; obvious due to his pale complexion. I enter in my number and quickly hand it back, a smile creeping onto my face at his eagerness. We exchange fleeting goodbyes but, as I turn to join my glaring mother Phil pulls me into a tight, friendly hug. _He's really making this difficult, isn't he? _My face flushes crimson and I cannot help feel my heart rate increase as he relaxes against me. Even if this is just an act of friendliness, I relish in the opportunity to take in everything about him. His warmth; his scent; his soft black hair against the side of my face; I try to imprint all of this on my memory as a sweet reminder of him during the, I predict, unsettling times ahead. However, the embrace ends way too soon and we quickly part, mouthing a quick final goodbye to each other and the others before I turn to follow my mother who is, unsurprisingly, scowling at me.

The witch does not say a word to me the entire way home; her withered features contorted in concentration as she focuses her attention on the road. To be honest, I am thankful for it as normally she would be moaning about something about me. To be honest, I am ecstatic, for it means that I can think about Phil. As much as I am dreading my mother's reaction to my abnormality (in her eyes) a part of me is looking forward to it. If anything, that hug earlier consolidated this. He is the one whom I am prepared to die for and because, to him, I am forever indebted. Even if it turns out that he does not feel the same way for me and that our relationship will forever remain platonic, I know that it is him who has helped me discover who I really am, which even if it cannot be with him, will mean I can finally be happy with myself. I love him and I am so thankful to him; him and that flawless complexion and dazzling blue eyes that could light up even the darkest of moments. They say the eyes are the gateway to the soul, but in his eyes I saw into my own; saw into my own soul to reveal what I should be – what I am, and no one is going to stop me.

I turn to face my mother, a burning hatred in my eyes…._I am Daniel James Howell, I am gay and in love with Phillip Michael Lester and there is nothing you can do about it…_

Now I have just got to get my lips to say the same…..

**...ooh srs bsns xD**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/ favorited/ followed so far, you have no idea how much I appreciate it *gives you all lions and fluffy kittens*...**

**And to those who haven't *waves maltesers in front of your nose* There's a first time for everything ;) **

**Byeeeeee xxxxxx**


	16. Chapter 16 - Shake it out

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 16! I hope you enjoy, I really enjoyed writing this chapter!**

**P.S. I know it is not directly linked to what is in the chapter, but I really think that the song "Shake it out" by Florence and the Machine (who you should really check out as they are my favorite band) really sums up how Dan feels at the end towards his mother, hence the title. The chapter is not based on the song but it was great writing music for it so if you want to, you should check it out :)**

**Anyway, on with the chapter...**

**Dan POV: **

A loud cacophonous slanging match greets my ears as I groan to life; a harsh reminder that I am no longer at my safe haven of school, but rather at home – not that I would call it that. _More like the fiery gates of hell…as dramatic as that sounds. _

_"What the bloody hell Mum! You can't do that!" _

_"The bloody hell I can, and don't take that tone with me young man! I will not have that tart in my house again, you hear me?!"_

_"She's 15 mum, same age as me" _

_"Fine, that tartlet," _

_"Oh you are just unbelievable!" _

After realizing that I am not going to enjoy the peace of sleep whilst those two are at each others throats, I reluctantly haul myself from my uncomfortable bed and begin to meander downstairs. I grab my phone on my way in the hope that maybe one of my friends will have contacted me; a small respite from the world war three I am about to interrupt. Thankfully, and with a huge sigh of relief, I notice that I have one new message – and it just so happens to be the one person who I couldn't wait to hear from.

**From: Phil Striker **

_*opening to circle of life starts to play* Morning sleepyhead ^-^ How you enjoying your freedom? Missing me already :* xxx_

I cannot help but smile at his cheeriness. Maybe it's because I am not a morning person, or because I don't particularly enjoy being a part time referee whilst trying to eat my shreddies, but I cannot see how anyone can be happy at the moment. Mind you, I would be lying if I said I had any appetite; I am simply too nervous about what I have to tell my mum later. Any ounce of confidence I had since I left school yesterday has been well and truly obliterated by the atmosphere in this house. Tension and friction is all that resides at the moment and I am afraid to say anything, let alone that, without the fear of my mother transforming into a fearsome fairy tale dragons, like the ones in the stories she never read to me as a child. _Still, might improve her appearance…_ I smile at the thought, before quickly typing a reply to Phil as I edge cautiously down the creaking wooden stairs.

**From: Dan **

_Morning twat head :* tbh it sucks :( Mum's on the rampage :( Of course I miss you, you idiot ;) Maybe we can meet up later in the week, even if it is you XD Oh, and that contact name…really? xxx_

He replies almost instantly and I cannot control a stupid, love-struck grin from taking over my features.

**From: Phil Striker **

_Ooh srs bsns :( What about tomorrow night, otherwise mum's gonna make me watch The Notebook with her (again) *shudders* XD what's wrong with the contact name, I've always wanted to be called that ^-^ (stop judging me) xxx_

How can one who is so dorky be so goddamn adorable?

**From: The Daninator ;)**

_Well two can play at that game XD Sounds good, shall we say 7 pm? I live in Emmbrook, Wokingham at no 4 Privet Drive if you wanna stalk me at that time :) xxx_

**From: Phil Striker**

_Haha lol XD I guess I can then as I only live a couple of miles from you o.O spooky, huh :) _

**From: The Daninator ;)**

_o.O :P See you then, Mr Striker (g2g as have reached bottom of stairs :P) xxxxxx_

**From: Phil Striker**

_^-^ It's a date *pauses to cringe at cheesiness* Byeeee xxxxxx _

As much as my nerves are killing me, I cannot help but feel uplifted by Phil. Even if only by text, his mannerisms and personality are guaranteed to pull me from my sadness into a pleasant and tranquil reverie. Even if only for a few seconds.

"What are you smirking at?" my brother, Adrian, snarls at me as I enter the dining room as I sit down beside him; grabbing a glass of water as the brown haired, brown eyed boy gives me a hateful glare. Despite what everyone says, I still can't believe that anyone would think that he resembles a miniature version of me.

"Well good morning to you sunshine," I smile smugly, nudging him playfully. "What're you so miserable about? Someone break your action man?" I joke in sarcasm, although by the look on his face he had no sense of humor this morning.

"Piss off Dan!" he snaps; unfortunately just as my glaring mother enters the room; breakfast in hand and a look of shocked anger on her face.

"Adrian, language!" she spits in disapproval, "Stop sulking like a toddler just because you can't go and see that girl, sit up straight and stop complaining," _Ah, so that's why he's got a face like a slapped backside…._ I see him reluctantly mumble a feeble apology, whilst still managing to look like a bulldog chewing a wasp. "Anyway, you have better things to do that consort with people like _that, _right Harold" she retorts, gesturing to my smartly dressed father who appears behind her nodding like he's her ventriloquists dummy and giving her a quick peck on her cheek that causes my stomach to turn. _Guess I won't be having breakfast today either. _

"Well, what's wrong with her?" Adrian pipes up; the anger emanating on his features indicating to me that round two was about to kick off. I shrink back into my chair silently; not really wanting to feel the wrath of the monster.

"What isn't wrong with her?" she snaps back, a glint of disgust in her eyes "She's loud, she swears and she thinks that wearing skimpy clothes and makeup can hide her ill-mannered, frightful personality,"

"Well I love her and that should be enough for you," he shouts back, standing up from his chair; the floor screeching under its force; before storming off upstairs. A violent slamming of the door and a few muffled sobs cut through the residual silence.

I glance quickly at my mothers face burning a bright red as she begins muttering angrily, all the while continuing to eat her breakfast; her face contorting in anger as she and my father share a disappointed look. I gulp frantic and return my attention to my glass of water; now disgustingly warm from the heated atmosphere. If that's how she reacted to _his_ girlfriend, I can only imagine how infuriated she will be when I tell her about me. I mean, at least he is straight. Sure the person who he wants to be with has a few flaws, in her eyes, but at least he still conforms to her stupid obsession with normality, you know, boy meets girl, boy gets married, boy has children, and boy goes to heaven. Whereas, with me, she'll see it as nothing more than a disgrace; a disgrace on her and her parenting _reputation – _boy meets (beautiful) boy, boy is disgrace, boy goes to hell. Yet, in a strange way, I am almost invigorated by her disapproval; it gave me confidence. When I saw the annoyance in her face when I went back to speak to Phil yesterday, a strange swirl of encouragement spurred me on to continue, even if it meant I was labelled disobedient. This will be my own personal rebellion; and her annoyance and disapproval is the fuel to my fire. Still, I don't want to peak too early, while the coals are still warming up. I'll tell her tomorrow and let the sparks fly. I know I'll get the burnt by the flames, but at least I'll have my _date_ with Phil to cool me down afterwards. _Or heat me up again if everything goes to plan… _

Not wanting to be suffocated by this incredibly tense atmosphere any longer, I quickly excuse myself and head back upstairs with the full intention of wasting as much time as possible. I really want to get tomorrow over with before I let the self-doubt set in again.

**(Later that day)**

As much as I love spending hours on end on tumblr; twitter and various other methods of procrastination in my endless browsing position even I, surprisingly, have my limits. I must have been at it for hours as it is already getting dark outside and the sickly orange hue of the street lights has begun to flood my bedroom. I groan as I try to find something else to waste my time on. I don't really want to go back downstairs and face my parents and their pointlessly boring conversations on religion etc. I am not in the mood to be lectured anyway. My mind suddenly flickers back to my brother, who has also been cooped up in his room for the same mind-numbing length of time as I have and I haven't heard any groans of boredom from him. I do feel bad for him though; he's not even breaking any of my mother's stupid rules and he still can do no right in her eyes. I suppose that is to be expected from someone like her, unless you're the literal embodiment of Jesus she's unlikely to show pride in anyone.

Carefully and quietly I get up from the indent in my mattress, wincing slightly as my spine shifts back into its natural position, and head towards my brothers room; careful not to alert my parents to my movement as I am sure they would lecture me about being antisocial or something stupid like that. With as much delicateness as I can muster, being the clumsy person I am, I gently knock on the door to no answer; only to hear muffled noises as my response. Being the concerned brother I am, and not a nosy one, I open the door with caution, a flicker of worry filling my thoughts.

"Ade, Adrian, you alr-," I start, but a shrill gasp escapes my lips at the sight before me. "Oh my god! Adrian, Adrian!" I call, running over to his bedside. My usually strong willed and confident little brother is now a huddled, vulnerable mess curled into a tight ball on his bed; his fingers pressed so deeply into his crossed arms that they bleed. He is not facing me, but I can tell he is sobbing his heart out and that in turn, breaks my own. I am so used to seeing my brother so cocky and brave, so to see him in this state forces that ever so familiar lump to form in my throat. I place a comforting hand on his trembling form and he turns to face me; the sight of his bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks causing a few stray tears to fall onto my own.

"Oh Adrian, this isn't about that girl is it?" I ask, concerned at his deterioration.

"It's not just about that Dan," he sobs, "It-Its e-everything, an-anything,"

"What on earth do you mean?" I sooth as I rub small circles on his slender shoulder.

"Them…_her_…I-I can't do an-anything anymore…why can't she j-just let me live my own life…let me make m-my own decisions. This isn't just about Jenna anymore Dan, it's everything. Everything I do is wrong," He lets out a loud sob and I instinctively pull him into a tight hug; my shirt dampening at his flowing tears.

"Hey, hey, shh, hey, it's ok, don't worry, I'm here," I coo, clutching his fragile frame tightly; protectively, "Don't listen to anything she says, nothing you do is wrong. Sure some people may not agree with what you do, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do what makes you happy…unless its drugs, don't do drugs, drugs are bad mmkay," I assure, jabbing him playfully, which causes a small, appreciative smile to grace his lips.

"Thanks Dan, but that's easy for you to say, she's not always poking in _your_ private life," he replies sadly, looking up at me with watery eyes.

"Well, that will probably change very soon," I look down, as tears of my own threaten to spill over. _Whoa, Dan where are you going with this?_

"What do you mean by that Dan?" he asks expectantly, sitting up to face me properly with a confused expression on his face. Do I really want to tell him _now_? I mean, he's bound to find out soon anyway, but, what if he rejects me just like they will? _No, he wouldn't, he's not like them…he's Adrian after all…_

"Can you keep a secret?" I whisper; my expression hardening, to which he responds with a cautious look in his eyes.

"Yeah of course, I'm your brother…I know I can be a dick sometimes, but you can still trust me," he smiles with sincerity, calming my nerves about my confession.

"The thing is…I-I don't really know how to say this…but…and you know I will always love you and…I…I'm…," I mumble. _No, no ABORT, ABORT…_

"Spit it out Dan!" he insists with severity, but with concern in his eyes.

"I…I'm gay," I confess and for a moment time stays still. I flinch slightly as I try to register his reaction when-

"GET YOUR FILTHY, DISGUSTING HANDS OFF HIM!" _Oh shit…._

I jump startled at the slamming door and I am lost for words at the sight before me; my mother, eyes blazing and blood boiling as she approaches me. _Oh god oh god oh god, how much did she hear?_

"M-mum, p-p-please, let me expl-," I stutter, standing up quickly.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" she screams; the anger in her eyes stronger than I have ever seen it; reducing me to my frightened former self in front of my head-teacher after breaking that blasted school window.

"M-m-mum?" I try to plead with tears in my eyes, before she forcefully grabs my arm; her sharp, manicured fingernails digging into my fragile skin, and drags me from the room with force. I do not have any time to react before he barks at me.

"Don't you dare say anything, you hear me," she spits as she tightens her grip. I try to struggle against her vice like grip but she is just too strong. I cannot stop the waterfall of tears cascading down my face and I frantically try to break free as we reach the top of the stairs; my thoughts ablaze with panic as her hateful gaze bores into my own. _No no, no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen…_ I struggle and struggle, but to no avail as she fires a hail of spiteful insults at me. Suddenly, I feel my balance falter and her grip loosen, but only to be replaced by a sharp throbbing pain in my temple as my body collides with the jagged edges of the wooden staircase as pain racks my insides.

"DAN!" I hear my brother scream, followed by a crescendo of footsteps coming towards me; only to be halted by my mothers spiteful tongue. I hear a muffled struggle from the bottom of the stairs where I lay; pain muffling my voice as I try to call out to him. I manage to stand, but my body aches and my thoughts panic as a steady trickle of blood flows down my cheek.

"What on earth is going on here?" my father yells a look of shock and worry spread across his wrinkled features as he appears in front of me. "Oh my god Dan, what happened?" I gaze longingly into his deep green eyes in the hope of some form of empathy, but my mother's shrill tone soon silences my pleas.

"Get in there, you vile animal," my mother snarls; shoving me violently into the adjacent living room; oblivious to my shrieks of pain as she manhandles me into the dimly lit space. Nevertheless, I try futilely to stand my ground, even if nothing has gone the way I want it to. "Are you going to tell him or shall I?" she snarls, the acid in her voice scolding me.

"Tell me what?" my father asks cautiously.

"D-dad p-p-lease," I plead, my throat burning from the tears.

"Your son….a disgusting faggot!" she spits, to which my father remains silent.

"P-please…j-just l-et me explain!" I sob, my hysteria growing. I turn frantically towards my father whose pitiful expression makes my blood boil. I can tell very well what he thinks, but he won't say it because he is her puppet and she is the ruthless puppet master. _Coward…_

"You're a disgrace, you know that! All the things we have done for you; all the times we have tried to raise you right and this is how you repay us. My son, a filthy sinner," her tone is cold and her words ruthless and I am struggling to keep my composure. It wasn't supposed to be this way; it wasn't supposed to happen like this. Everything has gone wrong and the invigoration I feel from my mother's disapproval has gone with it.

"It's not like that!" I cry, stepping forward slightly, "I'm still the same person, I'm still _your _son,"

"_You_ are no son of mine," she replies almost instantly, "_My_ son is no faggot!" I cannot help the anger I feel towards the twisted gargoyle in front of me. Something in my mind snaps and my confidence resumes. It's about time I stop flinching under my mothers disapproving gaze and start living the way I want to. My life is for me to live – not her, and I'll be damned if she stops me from living anymore.

"YES HE IS!" I shout, finding my voice again with confidence, "And do you know what, I'm glad you don't approve; I'm fucking glad!" I try to stand tall despite my aching sides, as I allow her flaming gaze to burn me; only this time I enjoy the pain.

"You have never, ever approved of anything I do and I am sick and tired of you. Appearances that's all life is to you! Get a good job, get married, carry on your stupid, fucking reputation. Well let me tell you something, my dear mother," I shout, stepping forward, "I am Daniel James Howell, I am gay and I will not live under your scrutinizing thumb any longer! You don't control me and you never w-" a sharp, stinging slap ricochets throughout the silence as her icy hand collides with my face. Clutching my smarting cheek, I turn from her fiery gaze, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of my tears.

"How dare you speak to me like that? HOW DARE YOU!" she practically screeches, "We have done nothing but well for you Daniel! We have only ever wanted what's best for you!"

"No," I whisper, "You have only EVER wanted what's best for you! I will never be that perfect son you've always wanted and yet you still treat me like your fucking puppet! You never let me do what I want and I am sick and tired of it, why can't you just let me be the person who I want to be,"

"What? A sinful faggot you mean?" she retorts.

"I didn't ask for this! This is who I am and I can't change that!" I plead, my confidence dwindling slightly. _Not that I would change for you if I could…_

"No god would ever make you like this! You are choosing to be a disgrace and now you will burn! BURN IN HELL!" she shouts.

"FINE! At least then I can be happy; happy away from you!" I bark back, before another sharp slap stings my cheek. Before I even have the chance to respond, her sharp talons are digging into my skin again and I feel myself being dragged through the hallway. "What are you doing," I struggle, "Get your hands off me!" I shout, as I feel myself being shoved and pushed towards the front door.

"I will not have you under my roof any longer! You disgusting faggot!" she is screeching now, "You can burn in hell as much as you please, just don't EVER come back here!"

"You can't do this!" I cry, my scolding tears falling again. I struggle and struggle once again, but she is stronger than she looks, and I feel my muscles succumbing to her force.

"DAN! Mum you can't do this!" Adrian cries, running down the stairs to the scene unfolding, "Let go of him! Dad stop her!" I cannot help my sobs from escaping now at my brothers distress, but I know I have to be strong for him.

"Adrian, listen to me, it's gonna be alright, AH!" I shriek, as she gives me a hard shove. "Mum…stop!"

"GET OUT! NOW!" she howls, managing to open the front door, and shove me out, the harsh, cold concrete colliding with my bare arms as I let out a loud yelp.

"DAD! PLEASE, STOP HER!" my brother is in hysterics now as he tries to get past my mother.

"Adrian, enough, Harold, take him into the dining room, NOW!" she hollers, gesturing to my crying little brother trying to shuffle past her.

"Dad! No!" he wails, as my father reluctantly drags him away from the scene, "You can't let her do this, it's not fair, DAN!" I let out a strangled sob at my brothers hysterics getting muffled by my fathers forceful grasp, dragging him away from me. _You're a fucking coward! Let go of him!_

"Adrian!" I try to call out, but it's too late, as he has already been taken away from me. I begin to sob loudly as my mother kneels down beside my trembling, broken body; her rancid breathe on my face and the glare of a demon on her features.

"FAGGOT!" she spits at me, before turning around and slamming the front door behind her; the distressed cries of my brother reducing to quiet sobs muffled by the chipped wood.

I cannot control the waterfall of tears that fall now as I try to comprehend what just happened. My mind is a maze of jigsaw pieces that cannot piece together what just unfolded. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I knew she wouldn't like it, but this? What have I done? What have I done!? _Come on Dan, do it for Phil….do it for Phil…_My mind immediately fills with bittersweet thoughts of the beautiful black haired boy for which all of this is in aid of. _What if he doesn't like me back? Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life…._No! I love him and I would do it again a thousand times just to look into those big blue eyes again. I try to keep these positive thoughts as the icy winter air nips at my frayed nerves and the rough pavement scrapes my skin. I feel a fresh trickle of blood cascade down my face as my vision starts to blur; I rest my pounding head on the course ground as I feel the blackness seep in…

_…What if he doesn't like me back? Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life…_

**Awwwww Poor Dan :'(**

**I hope you enjoyed :) I apologize in advance for how rushed this chapter is but I just couldn't wait for Dan to tell them, even if it was not in the way he wanted. If you still want to please feel free to review as constructive criticism is always welcome :)**

**Stay tuned for chapter 17 as that's when the fun starts (*coughs*Phil *coughs*)**

**Byeeeeee all you lovely people :P xxxxxx**


	17. Chapter 17 - Even the bravest lions

**Here's chapter 17! Yay Phil's back! I hope you guys enjoy! **

**Phil POV:**

_Bored…Bored…Bored…Bored. I can't do this any longer….I'm not sitting through this anymore...Draw me like one of your French girls? Pfft, I'm sure if I said that to anyone I'd me arrested but…anyway…._I have had to sit through this film three times already. Trust the school to phone my mum about the "incident" as soon as I got home resulting in her wrapping me in cotton wool for the entire time that I have been back. Sure, I can deal with the three hour talks about how much she cares about me; sure I can deal with the endless supply of malteser's to help cheer me up, but nothing can make me sit through this film any longer. I cannot blame my mum though; she has been my backbone when I have been too spineless to face my demons alone, and I couldn't be more thankful. She only wants to protect me and I am so grateful. We used to do this all the time when I was younger; when the bullying was really bad; ever since I joined that dreadful school and my friends all deserted me to be exact. Yet, even with all the bad things that happened to me, she would never pry; never do anything about it if I didn't want her to. I suppose watching a sappy tragedy was her way of letting us both let out our emotions; letting us both express the true sadness we both feel whenever a new incident crops up.

I glance at my mothers tear stained face and gulp nervously; even she has never cried this much at a film before and, as the credits roll, I feel a pang of guilt at the stress she must be feeling. Despite being sat less than a foot away, sometimes I feel that there are miles between us. Here I am being selfish about a stupid film; blinded by my own mother's plight and the pain I put her through. I wish I could sort all of this mess out; I wish I could just confess everything in my messed up head and make all of the bad people go away, but I can't. Besides, in a way I do not want them to be taken from me. If I had never been beaten half to death, I would never have met PJ, Louise or the others; I never would have formed those unbreakable friendships that now shield me from most of the harm….I would have never sold my heart to the gorgeous brown haired boy, even if he didn't necessarily ask for it. You only appreciate the warmth when you are tortured by the cold; the light is only useful because it breaks through the darkness and for me, my love for him was only discovered by the hate that love like that creates.

Shuffling closer to her, I gently rest my head against her shoulder like my childish former self would have. I feel myself relax as soon as she wraps her arm around my shoulder; a small sad smile replacing her normally jovial one.

"Mum, are you alright?" I ask tentatively, looking up slightly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want you to worry,"

"Oh Phil, I know how much those people hurt you and it would wrong of me to be angry at you for wanting to deal with it your own way," she smiles with tears in her eyes. "Just promise me that you will tell me if ever things get too much,"

"Of course I will," I smile, cuddling into her side.

"Phil, has it gotten _any_ better?" she asks, her expression hardening slightly as she turns to fully face me; brushing a stray strand of hair from my face.

"Um…I think so yeah," I answer, trying to stop a huge grin from spreading across my face at the thought of a certain someone. "I mean after what happened, a kid and his friends kinda stuck up for me, I don't know why, but they did and since then they've sort of liked me, I guess,"

"This kid…wouldn't happen to be called Dan would he?" she inquires.

"Why?" I question panicking slightly, as if my entire infatuation with that name is plastered across my face, if my blush is anything to go by.

"Oh, Mrs Lucas mentioned how you and your roommate seem to be getting on extremely well together and that you seem a lot happier," I see her give me an inquisitive look that I cannot help but think is masking a smirk.

"Uh…um…yeah, I guess so," I mumble; I'm pretty sure my cheeks are on fire now and, guessing from her reaction, she definitely can tell that is an understatement.

"So, when shall I be expecting the grand-kids?" she jokes, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Mum!?" I cannot believe she just said that, why must the mere mention of his name reduce me to this bumbling, mumbling love sick teenager.

"What? Can't a mother enthuse over her future son in law?" she smirks. "You do like him don't you?" I do not respond; fully aware that the silence gives away my answer. I avert my gaze slightly and the smile falls from my face. I know I would give anything not to have this conversation but I cannot help but show my sadness at the subject.

"It's complicated…," I whisper, fighting back tears.

"Oh, is he…um…is he not interested?" she soothes, rubbing my shoulder gently.

"No, I'm fairly certain he has a girlfriend anyway" I mutter, tugging at the hem of my t-shirt and keeping my gaze down.

"Oh, well don't give up hope, you never know things may not work out between them," she coos, but I know her attempts at consoling are in vain.

"Well that's never gonna happen! He's normal mum, like I _should_ be," I scoff, not wanting false hope. I cannot help the tears from falling now as my mind pours over everything that I can never have.

"Phillip Michael Lester, look at me," she insists, tilting my head up to look in her sorrowful eyes, "God made you how you should be; I will not have you thinking you are different from everyone else. You are my smart, funny amazingly brave boy and I will not have you beating yourself up over something you cannot control. If this Dan doesn't notice this then it is his loss but do not think you are any less of a person because you are gay," I immediately wrap my arms around my mum; thankful in more ways than she will ever understand. Despite everything, I know I can count on her. I will always have a pain in my heart whenever I see Dan with Louise, but I now realise that I can still hold my head up high and be proud of the person that I want to be; the person that I am. _I am Phillip Michael Lester, I am gay and there is nothing you can do about it!_

"Now, whose up for round 4 of our movie marathon," my mum chirps, finally breaking away from our embrace.

"Actually I think I might go for a walk, clear my head," I reply, giving a small, sad smile.

"Oh, ok, do you want me to come with you?" she asks, rubbing my arm comfortingly.

"Mum, I am sixteen ya know?" I grin as I go to stand up.

"You'll always be my little boy, Phil," I cannot help but smile at her nostalgia.

"Yeah, alright, bye," I laugh before grabbing my coat and phone; bracing myself for the biting evening air.

**(Some time later)**

Maybe going for a long walk in the middle of the winter wasn't the best idea to have. I was hoping that a little fresh air would have cleared my mind but all I could think about was how cold it was. In the end I had just resorted to frantic power walking in any direction, probably looking like a demented serial killer, before deciding to trudge back home; cold and defeated. Still, even with the dreadful temperature, I couldn't help but find beauty in this winter evening. The way the clear, star freckled sky framed the moon, or the way your breath lingered in the moonlight; dancing and twirling before fading. So many people never see the beauty in these winter nights; too concerned with the spiteful cold to give it a chance. I suppose that sums up my existence really. People are too concerned with their hateful stereotypes and prejudices of people like me to ever appreciate what lies beneath the surface; in reality, a very caring and kind heart.

I walk around aimlessly for a while before deciding I should probably do something useful while out and about, so I decide on checking out where Dan lives as it is not too far from here and I don't want to be late when meeting him tomorrow. _It's not creepy, I promise…_I can't remember the exact house number, but I think I remember the road name. _Privet Drive…I think…_I would take out my phone and check but it is so cold out, and the lined pockets of my coat are so warm and inviting, that to remove my hands would be like taking off your gloves in the Arctic – a very bad move. As I wander down the empty, winding roads of Emmbrook, I cannot help but notice how pretty the neighborhood is. With beautifully painted detached houses with pristine gardens and driveways, it's not surprising why anyone would want to live here. Everything looks so perfect here; it's not surprising that Dan lives here. After all, as cheesy as it sounds, he is the most perfect thing that I have ever laid eyes on.

_"FAGGOT!" _

My pleasant reverie is immediately shattered as that word rings clear; turning my blood to ice. My breath catches at the insult as I turn in the direction that it came from; my mind a torrent of flashbacks of my own history with those six letters. Surprisingly there is no silhouette to the spiteful tongue and I start to think that the dreadful word was not directed at me. _Well, there's a first time for everything…_

As much as I am relieved that I am not the recipient, a pang of unpleasant empathy forms in my stomach. If it is not me, then someone else has to suffer in my place, and I cannot let that happen. A surge of adrenaline courses through my veins and, before my brain even has a chance to think, my legs are running in the direction of the voice. I didn't even notice the road that I turned into. The thought of a vulnerable soul like me being tortured like that doesn't bear thinking; all I know is that I have to help them. The thought of someone so wholesome and pu-

"Oh my god! DAN!" I gasp at the sight before me. My mind cannot even comprehend what my eyes are seeing. There's that house number. Number 4 Privet Drive and, in front of it, lie a battered and bruised brown haired boy; blood pouring from his head and face a ghostly pale hue from unconsciousness..._but, Dans not gay? How can perfect, normal Dan Howell be called such a dreadful word to describe someone like me? But, he's not like me…h-he has a girlfriend…he's normal…he's….._

I try to reorganize my thoughts as my body immediately goes into action. Crouching down beside the broken boy, I immediately check his pulse and breathing. _Fine, well that's a relief…_

"Dan? Dan can you hear me…Dan" I ask panicking, cradling his head in my lap as I inspect his wound. It was bad, but luckily not too deep. "Oh my god! Who did this to you?" A waterfall of tears escapes my eyes as I try to fathom who would do this to him and why. With shaking fingers, I try to pry my phone from my pockets and call for an ambulance, but my train of thought is lost as he begins to stir.

**Dan POV:**

"Oh my god! Who did this to you?" _What? Am I dreaming? Is that you Phil? _A sharp, throbbing pain in my temple pulls me from the darkness and an unpleasant flashback reminds me of why I am in this state.

"Ph-Phil?" I manage to choke out, my voice hoarse from crying and my vision blurry, "Phil, is that you?"

"E-everything's gonna be ok, don't worry I'm here," he assures with panic in his voice as I feel his soft hands cup my face. "I'm just gonna call for an ambulance, everything's gonna be fin-"

"No…please don't!" I insist; my speech slurred by concussion, as I grab onto his wrist "Please don't tell anyone," my tone resembles that of a frightened child, but I couldn't let anyone find out about this.

"Dan, please, you're really hurt, you need medical help," he sobs, and the angst and pain in his voice broke my heart. It was never meant to happen like this; I was never supposed to hurt him, not now; not ever.

"I'm fine, I just need help standing up," I assure, "Please don't cry Phil" Several small sobs escape my lips as I stare into those cerulean orbs once again; drowning because of me; hurting because of me; his body shaking out of fear for _my_ life.

"At least let me get your parents," he asks, but I quickly cut him off.

"NO! Anything than that, please!" my words become frantic at the thought of having to see them again, as I try to stand in futility. Luckily Phil manages to grab hold of me before I fall and manages to ease me to my feet; wrapping my arm around his shoulders to support me.

"Ok, ok, it's alright," he soothes, "We need to get your head looked at. I'm going to take you to my house, is that ok?" his tone is soothing, but nervous, and I quickly nod in response as we slowly begin to make our way to his house; myself wanting nothing more than to be away from this hell hole of a home. I have never one to feel fear; never been one to back away or cower from a harsh comment or spiteful words, but this is it here. _Did you hear that Mum?! You have reduced your usually strong son to a quivering mess. Are you happy now!? This is fear, right here! And do you know what, I don't care anymore. I am human and this is how god made me. Yes, your god made me like this and yes, your god made me gay and I wouldn't change it for all the heaven in the world. I may be going to hell, but at least it's warmer than any of the love you ever gave me; warmer than any of your hugs that never happened. At least there I will actually feel something!_ I feel my thoughts close in on me as I try to fight off unconsciousness.

"Hang on in there Dan, we're almost there, just a little bit further," he comforts, although the hushed panic in his voice is deafening. "I'm here, don't worry," His concern he feels towards me is bittersweet. I love the fact that he cares so much about me and I would give anything to stay with him forever. I love him so much that it hurts to even entertain the idea of us being apart, but, I know that it is inevitable. I may love him, but that doesn't mean that he loves me, but I cannot think about that right now. The important thing is he is here with me and even if it is only temporary, it doesn't mean that I can't enjoy it while it lasts.

**Phil POV:**

Thankfully, Dan was able to walk as I couldn't bear to see him struggle like this. He was normally so strong; normally it would be me who needed the support. Now it's my turn to repay that fact. _Even the bravest lions…_That's what he said and I'll be damned if I'll let anything else happen to him. I felt angry and sick that anyone would do this; doing it to me I can understand; but him? Never! I want to cry; I want to scream and shout at whoever did this; I want to go in all guns blazing and confront the perpetrator. Yet, I know I must try and remain calm for Dan. He needs me now more than ever, so I cannot let him down now.

I quickly fumble around in my pocket with my key and manage to open the door with difficulty.

"Mum! Mum, come quickly!" I shout, crossing the threshold, "It's alright Dan, you're safe now,"

"What is it Phil sweethea-Oh my god!" she cries, rushing over to me and grabbing Dan's other arm to help guide him through to the living room.

"Please help me, it's Dan, he's been hurt, badly," the panic in my fractured voice evident from the look on my mothers face. Without further a do we laid him down on our large, cream sofa and I crouch down beside him, removing his blood-soaked jacket "Mum, go and get your first aid kit, now!" I insist, and my mum quickly rushes to grab the aforementioned item. "It's alright Dan, everything's going to be ok," I gently clutch his hand and rub my fingers over his knuckles to sooth him.

"Phil, you don't need to do this," he tries to stutter out, but I am quick to interrupt him.

"Dan, you are my best friend, I lov- I really care about you," I smile sadly, brushing his sweeping brown fringe from his eyes as my mum comes back with the first aid kit.

"Here you are Phil, is there anything you need me to do," I respond with a small thank you and a sad smile; the look on my face telling her everything she needs to know and she quickly leaves to allow me to look after him.

**Dan POV:**

I avert my gaze from is as I try to prevent the tears that I am holding from falling. _I've messed everything up, this was a terrible idea; who am I to think that he will accept me? He's probably gonna hate me like all the others…_

"Dan, this may sting a bit," he warns in sadness, as he gently places the cold flannel to my face; I wince as the coarse fabric scrapes against my skin. "Sorry," Luckily the wound isn't too deep, so he manages to clean it up and bandage it in no time; although the emotional scar is still bleeding; profusely. I cannot help but smile slightly at his concern though, but why should he help a freak like me? _Because he cares about you….no one cares about me..._A single, silent tear slips down my cheek.

"Dan…," he starts, "Who did this to you?" His concern is touching, but I do not want to relive tonight again.

"It doesn't matter…I deserved it anyway," I whisper.

"Dan, please," he asks, placing the bandage down, "No one deserves this sort of treatment, especially not you," I feel him place his hand against my cheek and I relax into it, turning to face the bright eyed boy in front of me; the tears I have been holding escaping.

"Hey, hey Dan, it's ok," he coos, immediately brushing my tears away with his thumb; my heart melting and my pulse racing at the contact. _I want to kiss you so badly….I want to wrap my arms around you and never let you go…._

"It's my fault Phil…I made this happen, it's my fault," I sob, my body shaking, as I am immediately pulled into a warm and loving embrace; his soft black hair brushing against my face as he clings to my trembling form. I wrap my arms around his waist tightly; as if clinging to my life support; as if to let go would be to lose him and be thrown back to the demons of an hour ago.

"Stop it! This is not your fault; even if you do not want to tell me what happened, I already know that nothing you could ever do could warrant such a beating," he soothes, pulling away slightly.

"But Phil…," I protest, drowning in those brilliant blue waters once again.

"No Dan, no one has the right to do anything like this to you, I only wish you would realise that. Do you remember when you helped me after those brutes beat me up?" he insists, tearing up himself.

"Phil don't…," I see him wince at the recollection of that memory and I hate to see him have to relive that pain for the sake of me.

"…You are the only one who cared about me; if it wasn't for you I would never have been helped by the others. You were the one person who ever bothered to stand up for me. You are the kindest, most thoughtful person I have ever met…" And with that, he presses a light, but lingering, kiss on my forehead, "So stop thinking like this. Whoever did this to you is one who deserves this treatment, not you," _Those eyes…that smile…that kind forgiving heart...This was all for you, and I cannot wait any longer…I have hidden my feelings from you for too long; much too long…and I need to tell you now before my heart explodes…it's better to die like a tiger than live like a sheep and even if you reject me now, you will know how much I care about you…how much I love you…_

"Phil…I-I need to tell you s-something," I mumble, my eyes drowning as I prepare to offer my heart to the boy I love…

**3:P I'm so mean aren't I...**

**I know you probably all hate me for ending it there but I really don't want to rush things as it is getting to the good bit (hopefully)**

**Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, followed so far, you have no idea how much I enjoy hearing from you and talking to you ;) **

**Please feel free to review if you haven't already (or if you have) as I love reading your feedback and I hope you will continue to read (my writings getting better I promise :P)**

**P.S. I am probably not going to be able to update as frequently as before as on Tuesday next week I go back to school *groans in annoyance* and as I am taking all three sciences and maths for my a-levels I am probably going to have next to no free-time to write. Don't worry though, I am hoping to have at least the next chapter up by then so hopefully that will tide you over *promises phan-feelz to cheer you up* and I am still going to try and write whenever I can :) **

**Byeeee for now xxxxxx**


	18. Chapter 18 - Alone together

**Hello everyone, chapter 18 YAY! I know this is an early update but, to be honest, I couldn't wait to upload it and as I am going back to school soon I really wanted to upload this chapter in particular before my writing rate is slowed by schoolwork and procrastination :P**

**A quick shout-out to AccioPhandom who gave me inspiration for this chapter through recommending to me the song "Alone together" by Fall Out Boy, hence the title, which I think sort of fits this part of the story. I highly recommend listening to this song as even if you don't think it fits, it's still a really good song :)**

**Enjoy xxxxxx**

**Phil POV:**

"Phil…I-I need to tell you s-something," he mumbles, when a shrill ringing ricochets throughout the small living room from Dans jacket pocket. "Hang on a minute Dan…I'm just gonna get that for you," I assure, sighing slightly at having to avert my attention from his, before standing.

"B-b-but Ph-Phil….," he stutters, a look of panic that I cannot comprehend on his face as he goes to sit up.

"No, no it's fine," I insist, pushing his shoulders back down, "You need to rest, don't worry, I'll be back in a minute," I lay him back down and gently brush his slightly curling fringe from his eyes, smiling comfortingly, before meandering over to Dan's jacket that has been draped haphazardly over the armchair opposite. I pull the offending object from his front pocket; the annoying trademark ringtone of his I-phone cutting through the pleasant silence. I graze my eyes over the caller idea as a frustrated sigh escapes my lips. **Louise :) calling…**I ponder for a second as to whether or not I should answer the call. _I mean, I don't think Dan is in any state to entertain…but she is his girlfriend…but I was the one who found him, surely I should be the one to look after him; to take care of him….why have I become so possessive all of a sudden? Go on, reject the call Phil, that way Dan can be all yours, ALL yours…no don't, you're not the only one who cares about him, it's likely she's very worr-_

"Phil honey are you gonna get that?" I hear my mother shout from the kitchen. What am I doing? This is ridiculous, she's his girlfriend after all and what moral right do I have to keep her from Dan…_silly Phil, always listening to the angel in you…Shut up!_

Without further internal debate I quickly slide my thumb over the lock screen and answer the call; leaving silence and awkwardness in the air.

"Hello?" I ask, through civility gritted teeth, _what; just because I do the right thing doesn't mean I have to be happy about it…._

"Oh hey Dan, I'm so glad I managed to reach you, I've been trying to call you for ages," she rambles and I subconsciously roll my eyes, _stop it, you're being ridiculous..._ "I tried calling your home phone but your mum just hung up on me, what's going on, have you told them yet?" _Wait…what?_

"Told who what?" I reply with haste and confusion.

"That your- wait, who is this?" she asks defensively.

"It's Phil, Dans at my house, there's been an…incident," I explain, glancing briefly over to Dan who appears to be daydreaming, which is unsurprising after a night like this.

"Shit, Phil…um…what's happened?" she questions, the urgency in her voice inciting guilt at my iciness.

"He's…he's been hurt. It's not too serious but I don't know by who or why, he won't tell me, he's just resting at the moment, it's been quite a shock for him uh…I presume _you'll _want to come over," I explain, adding an undetectable, but very much intentional tone of sarcasm to my voice. I know I shouldn't knock how much she cares, but a selfish little part of me really wants it to be just Dan and I; just me to get him through this, as much as I know that cannot happen.

"Absolutely, I'd do anything for my best friend, oh god, I hope it's not because…um…never mind," she mumbles; my patience starting to wear thin at her evasiveness; like I was the only one who didn't understand the pun of the joke, although this is clearly no laughing matter – whatever it is. "Hey, where'd you live so I can come over a.s.a.p., I hope that's ok," _Not really no…_

"I live on the edge of Emmbrook, Wokingham, Grimmauld Place, number 12, hopefully your not too far away," I say, with slight hesitation; the conflicting emotions in my head preventing from saying what I really want to; my conscience keeping me from being impertinent.

"That's ok, I'll just go via Dan's house, I already know the way," I have to admit, that stung slightly. _To think that…don't even go there…._

"Oh, well, ok, see you later then," I reply quickly.

"Ok, bye, see you soon," And with that she hung up; myself sighing sadly as I glance back over to Dan.

**Dan POV:**

I sigh defeated as I watch him answer the call; the anticipation and nervousness boiling over inside me reduced to a gentle simmer, but the heat is still on and as soon as he is finished I am still set on telling him…everything…I cannot help but notice Phil's shoulders stiffen as he talks; I hope he's not talking to…_oh god…_

"Phil who was it?" I inquire trying in futility to mask my anxiety; sitting up slightly.

"Um…Louise," he replies, with sadness in his eyes, "She'd been trying to contact you all night, so I told her what happened and she'll be over in a bit," Phil shifts slightly on the spot as he speaks and my worry at what else she might have told him heightens.

"Oh, ok, did she, er, say anything else," I ask tentatively, connecting my gaze with his; his eyes creased in sadness.

"Well, she did say one thing…," he starts…_oh god…_ "…she said have you told them yet, but I have no idea what she meant by that, I think she thought I was you" My eyes widen at what she very nearly told him.

"Oh, well, I do…Listen Phil, I really need to t-talk to you and I think that if I don't do it now, I never will," I mumble, propping myself up on my elbow and running my free hand through my rapidly curling hair. _Damn hobbit hair!_

"Dan, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to; I know what it's like to be hurt like this, so I know how sometimes you feel pressured to share, even-though you don't want to…" he starts, crouching down beside me and placing a comforting hand on my chest; my heart fluttering against his gentle touch.

"But Phil…I really need to….," I try to interject, sitting up slightly.

"No Dan, you shouldn't feel pressured to talk just because of me, besides, Louise will be here soon and you can talk to her. I find it's easier to talk to someone you love when it comes to things like this..," he continues, the affectionate frustration I feel rising in my chest.

"B-but…that's just it…," I pipe in, my breathe hitching in my throat.

"…I mean, I only feel comfortable telling someone I love everyth-," With that, I gently place my hand over his, his eyes widening in shock and his speech faltering at my forwardness and a look of shock on his face….but he doesn't pull away. I feel a lump form in my throat and my mouth goes dry. The entire world goes into slow motion as I stare into those brilliant blue orbs, before going to speak again.

"I want _you _to know why all of this happened," I whisper, brushing his jet-black fringe from his eyes.

"D-Dan?" he mumbles, tears in his eyes.

"Please, let me finish, this all happened because of me, it's b-because I told my parents something I shouldn't have – I'm the reason that I am in this state,"

"I don't understand…," he mutters, his eyes creasing in confusion.

"I t-told th-them something that n-no parent should have to hear…Ph-Phil…I'm...I'm," I try to answer, but tears begin to fog my eyes and my words stick in my throat, "I'm…g-gay," My mind becomes a blur of emotion as I am suddenly engulfed in a loving embrace by the boy I love. His arms wrap around my neck and mine find his waist as both our bodies are wracked by sobs.

"Oh Dan…Dan," he sobs, causing my heart to break, "How could they do this to you? It's not fair, you don't deserve this, I am so, so sorry,"

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask through watery eyes, pulling away.

"I sh-should have been th-there for you; me being hurt like this I can understand, but n-not you, you are p-perfect and I lov-," he cries, stopping suddenly and his gaze moving to the floor. _That's it; I can't take this any longer…_

"Hey, look at me," I sooth, lifting up his chin to look at me; warm brown swirling with watery blue. "You have nothing to be sorry for, if anything, I have everything to thank you for,"

"What do you mean? They hurt you because you're like me" he asks.

"Without you, I would never have found myself; I would never have discovered the person I am; the person I should have always been," I explain, cupping my hand over his pale cheek; wiping away his stray tears with my thumb slowly. "Without you, I would never have been able to do what I have always wanted…"

"What?" he ponders.

"…this," And with that I lean in to connect our lips; feeling his own graze against my own; unfamiliar, but as if they were always meant to be.

**Phil POV:**

I have never been one to believe in true love; never been one to buy into the fairy tale cliche of passion that is sparked by a true loves kiss, but in this moment right now, I can only describe what I am feeling as such. _He's kissing me! He's actually kissing me! _My heart feels like it could leap out of my chest; my weeks of stumbling phrases and longing glances were not in futility. I want to pinch myself just to make sure that this is not a dream; just to make sure that it's not just a cruel trick of the mind to blind me to harsh reality – but this is reality. He's kissing me and I'm kissing back and it feels all too real to be a dream.

Our lips move in sync, like two jigsaw pieces longing to fit back together as I feel Dan snake his hands round my waist as I slip mine round his neck, running my fingers lightly through his soft brown hair; _oh how long have I wanted to do this…too long…too long…_Nothing else matters in this moment; no harsh words or raised hands could ever hinder what I am feeling right now. I would do anything for him; I would take a thousand beatings just to feel his heartbeat in time with my own, because in this moment, we are no longer alone; we are alone together.

I pull away slightly and rest my forehead against his; a stupidly wild grin spread across my face and my arms still wrapped tightly; protectively around him.

"Uh…um…er…wow!" I stumble, my cheeks flushing crimson like a love struck teenage girl.

"Wow," he chuckles slightly, bringing his hand back up to my burning cheek. I place my own over his as I close my eyes; trying to comprehend what just happened.

"Dan, you have no idea how much I have wanted to do that," I whisper, opening my eyes to stare into his deep brown with sincerity.

"Phil, I would do anything for you, I really, really care about you," he replies, with tears in his eyes. I cannot help but let my own tears fall now as this is all I ever wanted.

"But…what about you and Louise?" I question, kneeling up slightly; a sudden wave of guilt washing over me. "Aren't you and her…you know,"

"Phil you big idiot," he smiles, pulling me back closer to him, "There never was a me and Louise. She is my best friend yeah, but I would never think about her like that. There is only one person who I am in love with and that person is right in front of me,"

"But what about…you know, the other night…um," I ask, my face falling slightly and my gaze shifting; a few solitary tears falling from my eyes.

"Hey, hey," he reassures, tilting my chin up to face him again and brushing my fringe from my eyes, "The only reason we snuck out was because I needed to tell someone I that I liked you. I had never felt like this over a boy before, heck, I had never felt this way over anyone before; I had never felt love before and I was terrified. I was terrified that you wouldn't like me back or how other people would react, especially my parents. I wanted to shout my love for you from the rooftops, but I knew it would just make your situation worse. I didn't want you to get hurt again, so I only told Louise," I cannot help but cry at his confession; he's so considerate, I just cannot believe it was for me, nerdy, loner Phil Lester.

"I'm really glad you've told me though," I beam, pressing a light kiss to his cheek causing him to smile. "Dan…I th-think I'm in love with you," I blush profusely as he grins at me before connecting our lips again in a short, but meaningful kiss.

"I_ know_ I am in love with you too," I wish I could just freeze this moment; I wish I could just turn the pages now, happy ever after, and have our novel finished; have our future unwritten and for our eyes only, but I know there is still another chapter left unread; the one in which we defeat the villain.

"Dan," I speak up, pulling away slightly, "what about your parents, what about the others, what about _them_ at school," my eyes are swimming with worry and my hands are shaking. No-one ever has a happy ending; especially people like me…no, us…and I can't let anything else happen to Dan. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if that is the only thing that makes sure his is still beating, it may be the only way. "I don't want you to get hurt again, I can't let them do to you what they did to me…I can't…," I trail off as tears burn my throat and strangle my vocal chords.

"Phil, listen to me, I would face all of their harsh words to be with you, and you can't let them get to you. We will not be kept apart by them. To hell with my parents, they never loved me anyway and I'll be damned if I'm restricted from being who I am by them any longer. I'm sure the others will be fine about us, if Louise is anything to go by and fuck those dickheads at school, I'll protect you and that is all you need to worry about. I'll be fine as long as you are with me," Dans little speech warms my heart and I cannot help but smile; never has anyone cared so much about me. "Everyone may not like what we do and may leave us because of it, but as long as you are with me I will never feel lonely. We may both end up alone, but that doesn't mean we can't be alone together,"

"What did I ever do to deserve you Dan," I whisper, closing my eyes and placing my forehead against his.

"Nothing," he replies bluntly, "…And everything…you would still deserve me," With that I am pulled into a tight embrace.

**Dan POV:**

We stay like that for forever just drinking in the love that we feel for each-other. To say I am happy that he feels the same way would be the understatement of the century. To think that throughout all of those weeks of worrying and abstaining from showing my true feelings; he was fighting a similar battle; a battle that we have now both won. A shared crown of victory for the two of us; the only casualties being those wasted seconds we could have spent together – but that doesn't bear thinking about. For right here, right now, it's just the two of us; a bond forged in our passionate first kiss that could withstand a thousand armies; a force so strong that no one could ever pull us apart.

Having said that, as much as I would love for us to stay like this for eternity I am struggling against the enticement of sleep that is threatening to pull me from this moment. I don't want to fall into eternal darkness in which all I see is my mothers face, I want to stay and bask in the light of his sparkling blue eyes, but my slowed breathing and drooping eyelids tell me the light will not stay much longer.

I feel Phil pull away from me and I immediately miss his warmth and comforting embrace; muffled shuffling is all I can hear as I feel my head be lifted slightly, myself shuddering as his soft skin brushes against my own, and a small, pillow placed behind it. Warmth engulfs my body as a blanket is draped across my front and tucked in around my sides, just like a loving parent would do. _Not that I know what that feels like…_But this warmth still leaves me cold and there is only one thing that can prevent that. I feel a light kiss pressed against my forehead and a hand placed against my cheek, but I cannot let him leave.

"Please stay," I whisper in a hushed, but urgent tone, placing my hand over his and holding it tight against my face; the contact already sending sparks through my entire system; the warmth returning. "Please…you make me feel safe," I flutter my eyes open slightly and try to give him my best puppy-dog eyes, even in my sleepy state. I hear him sigh in defeated affection as he presses another light kiss against my cheek.

"Alright, just for a little while, but then I really should go and help my mum. Anyway, Louise'll be here soon," he insists.

"Until then," I reply, pulling the blanket back slightly and moving over to make room. It wasn't a very large sofa, but I suppose that gives me the excuse to be even closer to him. After a brief moment of shuffling and shifting, we settle on Phil sat slightly upright, leaning sideways against the back of the sofa and myself laid down in the gap beside him; my head resting against his chest. I hear him sigh and relax in contention as I lace my fingers between his; his soft breathing lulling me from consciousness. I feel him run his gentle hand through my curly brown hair; his touch so soothing against my bandaged wound and I let myself drift off to sleep to the tune of his heartbeat as the worry of seeing my mothers face runs clear. I hear a loud rapping of the door as I escape into the world of dreams; ready to face the darkness with the boy that I love….

**How was it? (be honest) I feel like this chapter is really rushed and terrible and I feel like I haven't done the big phan reveal justice cause it's shorter than the others :( So for that I'm sorry...**

**Anyway, please feel free to review if you haven't been thoroughly underwhelmed :)**

**Bye for now as not sure when I will update next xxxx **


	19. Chapter 19 - Not all bad

**Hello everyone, here's chapter 19, Yippee! This is quite a boring, filler chapter but I felt it was necessary to the story. **

**Enjoy xxxxxx**

**Louise POV:**

I run a clammy hand through my perfectly curled blonde hair as I walk with haste towards Phil's house; the bitter winter wind tugging fiercely at my skirt with every stride. _Why am I going again? Oh yes, Dan…Oh god Dan! Bear! How could this have happened? He's my best friend, is this my fault? No- but who's is it? You don't think…it can't have been…but why was it their fault? You don't think…oh no…surely they wouldn't be so cruel? No, she's his mother after all and if religion should have taught her anything is that you should treat everyone with kindness and there is nothing in the bible about hurting your son over something he cannot change. I just hope he's alright, he has Phil after all. _I gasp suddenly at the thought. _Phil! Has Dan told him? Judging by his attitude on the phone earlier he didn't seem too jovial. Maybe he's has told him and Phil rejected him – no, that wouldn't happen, it's Phil after-all who wouldn't hurt a fly. He's probably just worried about Dan…but is it the worry a boyfriend would have…I hope so…he is just the person Dan needs right now…_

With bated breath I rap my knuckles against the cold, red wood of 12 Grimmauld Place as I pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders. A sense of dread pools in my stomach as a wealth of horrific scenarios plagues my thoughts; all leaving my best friend broken and beaten…or worse. Tears threaten to spill at the prospect, but I know I have to stay strong for him; he has been through so much recently that to add concern for his best friend would be both selfish and unnecessary.

A wave of warmth teases my freezing form as the door opens slowly, revealing a short, slender woman with deep brown eyes and a confused, but polite, expression contorting her features.

"Hello, how may I help you, we weren't expecting any visitors," she inquires, smoothing down her apron with her rubber gloved hands.

"Um, hello Mrs Lester, I'm Louise, Dan's best friend – I heard he had been hurt or something so Phil invited me, I hope that's ok with you," I say, biting my lip as she looks me up and down questioningly. I keep my gaze low as she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Oh, I see," she replies, a hint of wariness that I couldn't place in her voice, "You must be so close to him to come all this way to see him…well, if Phil invited you over then please come in," she explains in a pleasant manner; moving away from the door to allow me across the threshold; the warm instantly enveloping me in a tight embrace. I can only stare in wonder at how homely Phil's house is. It's immaculately clean and decorated beautifully, but the various happy family photographs prevent it from feeling clinical or stilted.

"Thank you ever so much, it's always so horrible to have something like this happen to someone you care about," I smile with empathy.

"Yes, well, we all know what that feels like," she smiles back politely, but I can see the mask slipping and deep sadness in her eyes showing through. "Now, I'll just be the kitchen if you need anything, Dan's just in the living room through there and Phil's looking after him, but I'm sure that'll be your job now that you're here," I cannot help but notice a slight suggestiveness in her voice, as if she knew something I didn't, but now is not the time to think about that right now. I have so many unanswered questions and my concern for my best friend is just too overwhelming. I mumble a quick thank you as she meanders back towards the kitchen, before making my way towards the living room. I knock gently on the white painted door as the dread intensifies; those horrible thoughts swirling once again and I hesitate to enter. No answer. _What if this is my fault? I'm the one who told him to tell his parents; surely I share some of the blame from whatever has happened to Dan. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be in this mess. Ignorance is bliss, that's what they always say…but maybe that works for the teller as well as those who learn of the facts. No…it's not my fault, it can't be…I did the right thing; I helped him accept who he is really is, it would have been wrong of me to make him hide his true self for the sake of others. They are to blame; no-one should be treated like that over such an insignificant part of their personality. _

I knock a little louder this time, but still no reply breaks the silence. With a shaking hand I gently push the door open.

"Dan? Phil?" I whisper, "Dan are you-," My anxiety immediately subsides and the negative thoughts are immediately dissipated by ones of contention at the sight before me. Dan and Phil sleeping peacefully together; the latter sat up slightly as the former rests his head on his chest; two bodies molded together in a perfect embrace - evidently overdue. A huge grin spreads across my features and it takes all of my strength not to let out a string of "awwws". Tears moisten my eyes and my heart is warmed as a sense of accomplishment washes over me. _He finally did it…I knew it! _I couldn't help but feel a sense of smugness as I was so certain that Phil reciprocated the feelings Dan poured out to me. After all, it didn't take a genius to notice all of those looks that lasted just a little too long or expressions of pure happiness just at one persons smile. I have to admit a sense of pride at seeing them together. It was so evident that they both wanted it but they were both too scared to admit it; and now, just seeing them together makes me want to cry with happiness at the feat they have overcome. However despite my positivity, I know that the war is not over and, as my eyes glance over to Dan's bandaged head, there are still so many more hateful hurdles to leap over before they can celebrate their victory. _Ah to hell with them!_ Right now that is not important, for at least they will be running together, and in this moment; this one, shining moment, they are happy and that is all I could ask for.

As carefully and quietly as I could; I make my way over to the sleeping couple. _Awwww…._they look so peaceful. I crouch down beside the sofa and pull the blanket back a little; the urge to coo over the two of them becoming almost unbearable. Placing my hand on the shoulder of my best friend, I gently nudge him awake; careful not to wake his sleeping boyfriend. _You have no idea how nice it is to say that…._I see his eyes flutter open slightly as he stirs back into consciousness.

"Dan….Dan…," I whisper, smiling as he looks up at me.

"Huh," he groans, rubbing his hand over his sleepy eyes. However, they widen and he freezes as soon as he sees me. "Louise?" he gulps.

"Hi," I reply, giving him the proudest, but also cheesiest smile I could muster.

"Uh….hi," he mumbles awkwardly.

"Bout time too," I smile, gesturing up to Phil and sniggering playfully as I see his cheeks flush a bright crimson.

"Shut up," he whines, pulling the blanket back over his head and snuggling back into Phil's chest, but I can tell he is smiling just as much as I am. I let out a small laugh at his shyness, before pulling the blanket back down slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Phil invited me after I tried to contact you and ask how things were going at home and after he told me what happened to you I couldn't wait to see you," I explain. "He said that you had been hurt Dan, what happened?"

"Well, let's just say not everyone was as happy as Phil about my little announcement," he looks down in sadness, closing his eyes at the recollection.

"Oh Dan, how could they, I'm so, so sorry," I sigh, resting my hand on my best friends shoulder to reassure him, "What on earth did they do to you?" I gesture towards his bandaged head and he gives me a sad sigh, before he looks up at me with his tearful brown eyes. I start to rub my hand up and down his arm to comfort him.

"Well, after mum overheard me talking with Adrian about it she pushed me down the stairs, hence the head injury, before throwing me out and refusing to speak to me ever again. She said…..she said I was a disgrace and that I would burn in hell. As for Dad, he just let her do it, like her bloody puppet," A few small tears slip from his eyes as he explains which causes several to brim in my own.

"Hey, it's ok, you're safe now, and you never have to see them again," I assure, "If they are that intolerant they clearly don't deserve you as a son. Anyway, you may have lost them as parents but you have gained the one thing you have always wanted," I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively as he blushes once more, before wrapping his arms tighter around Phil; smiling at the happiness across his face as Phil begins to stir awake.

**Phil POV:**

I feel a pair of arms wrap tightly across my chest and I am brought back to consciousness, although I was never fully aware that I had lost it. I guess I was too caught up in the moment earlier to really register anything. I feel a familiar warmth beside me and a smile spreads across my face as my eyes flutter open, before widening in shock at the two pairs staring at me; both accompanied by stupidly wild grins.

"I…um….er…um," I mumble; feeling the heat rise in my cheeks as I put faces to the gazes. I drop my own in not unpleasant embarrassment.

"Morning sleepyhead," Louise smirks, "You're boyfriend here was just telling me what happened," My eyes widen at her forwardness and I am certain my cheeks are on fire now as I cough awkwardly.

"Oh, uh, you know then," I mumble, feeling my shyness stilt my speech.

"Hard not to given that he is practically lying on top of you," she smirks, gesturing towards a now blushing Dan.

"I don't know, we could just be conserving warmth," he sniggers, snuggling up to me.

"Not with that smile you're not," she winks back, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at him before jabbing him in the side as he squeaks in mock pain.

"You don't mind do you?" I question, turning to Louise as I wrap my arm around Dan's shoulders.

"Phil you have no idea how happy I am to see you two together. I won't say much, because I will probably start crying but, you two have both been through so much and I am so pleased that you both can now be happy," she beams, before leaning in and giving us both a comforting hug.

"Well, almost," he smiles sadly and I can hear the hurt in his voice; the toll tonight has taken on him evident.

"Hey, hey, Dan listen," I sigh, tilting his chin up to face me with watery eyes as I brush his fringe from his face, "Don't let them get to you; happiness is subjective and just because someone else doesn't approve of yours doesn't mean that you should spend your life miserable. Believe me, I know, I spent years shutting myself off, refusing to let anyone in because of what a few people say, but it was only when I saw you and I realized what I was missing. I am happy now and no one is going to stop me," I smile proudly, before leaning down and kissing him gently on his forehead, "…and no one should stop you either. Words hurt, but not as much as a lifetime of loneliness"

"Thank you Phil," he beams up at me, "How can someone so quiet have a personality that speaks for all of us," he rests his head back on my chest and I pull him closer; my heart fluttering at his affection.

"We all have that little voice of conscience in the back of our minds; as I don't talk much I just hear mine more often," I sigh, laying my head against the back of the sofa.

"That's what I love about you," he whispers, snuggling into my chest.

"AWWWW SUPER KAWAII! Stop being so adorable you two!" Louise chimes; laughing and throwing her hands up in an exaggerated fashion. "I swear if you two ever get married it will be the death of me," Both Dan and I cannot hold in our laughter at her comment; the pain and anguish we all felt momentarily dissipated. If only all of life was made up of those little moments of pure joy that in those few seconds, nothing else in the world mattered.

We spent the next few hours just laughing and joking together in an attempt to forget about what happened tonight. We had moved from the sofa and were now sitting in a close circle on the floor. It was brilliant getting to know each other like that in the dim light. It wasn't the type of introduction where trivial things, like common interests, were discussed, but a type much more intimate than most friends. We discussed our inner most feelings on our lives and issues involving ourselves; we shared our pasts and contemplated our futures. We got to know the people behind the labels; behind the statements of interest – we showed our personalities rather than told them.

I've got to hand it to Louise for helping Dan with his own personality. If it wasn't for her there wouldn't be a Dan and I and Dan would never have been able to show who he really was; he would never have had the confidence to be the person he wanted to be – even if certain individuals didn't approve. The guilt I feel for being jealous of her is unforgivable, but I can try to make it up to her by being a loyal friend and furthermore, making her best friend the happiest he could ever be and that, in turn, makes me the happiest person alive. I wish her all the best with Matt and I can definitely see what he sees in her; I can definitely see why Dan wanted to come out to her, the most accepting person I have ever met. I just wish that everyone in this world could take a leaf out of her book.

A light squeak of an opening door interrupts our pleasant reverie and we turn to face my mother; hands crossed across her chest and smiling down at the three of us.

"Having fun are we?" she asks, raising her eyebrow questioningly.

"Yeah, we were just, chatting, I guess, sorry it's so late," I smile apologetically as the three of us stand up.

"Don't be, it's nice to see you having fun with your friends, Phil," she chirps, "…especially after tonight, how are you Dan?" My mother gives him a sympathetic smile and he smiles back sheepishly.

"I'm alright, bit shaken up but not too bad," he mumbles, shyly, "Th-thank Mrs L-Lester," I couldn't help but grin at Dans adorable shyness.

"That's alright, now, it's getting late, but you're both welcome to stay here, as long as your parents don't mind" she replies.

"That's very kind of you, thank you Mrs Lester," Louise chirps politely.

"Oh please, call me Alison," my mother smiles.

"Yeah, thank you, although I'm not sure my parents would care," Dan whispers, looking down in sadness. My mother gives him a confused look so I quickly intervene.

"It's a long story," I whisper and she gives me an understanding wink.

"Alright, well I have put the spare mattress into Phil's room. Phil, I was thinking you could sleep on it and you could give Dan and Louise your double bed," she explains.

"Uh…well…um…actually….er," I stutter, my cheeks reddening.

"Actually Mrs Lester um, that won't be necessary, I'll take the mattress if you don't mind," she interjects, throwing me a smug smile.

"Oh, but where will Dan sleep?" my mother asks as I feel myself shrink under her gaze. At that point Louise, wanting to make this moment even more awkward, gets up and whispers into my mother's ear – my mother's eyes widening in shock as she speaks and the hugest smile I have ever seen spreads across her features. _I think I may have just died of embarrassment…._

"Awwww Philly," she coos; giving me the smuggest look I have ever seen, causing me to groan outwardly as she runs over to me and engulfs me in a huge hug.

"Ugh Mum!" I cringe, hiding my face in my hands, to which Dan and Louise both laugh. "Actually shut up!"

"Guess he's not normal either," my mother whispers in my ear so that only I could hear and I couldn't help but smirk at her ironic recollection of my previous insecurities. I give her an appreciative half smile as she pulls away, to which she replies by ruffling my hair, which earns several more laughs from my companions.

"Mum!" I cry in mock annoyance.

"Awwww Phil, I think it looks cute," Dan smirks at me, before nudging me playfully and kissing me on the cheek, earning two simultaneous "awwws" from the other two.

"I hate you," I snigger, before taking his hand in my own.

"Oh look at you two," my mother beams, "Anyway, its way past midnight; bed, off you go… Oh and by the way," my mother calls from the living room, as we begin to make our way towards the stairs "Keep it PG boys, we have children present!" I hear my mother laughing through the walls as I yet again groan in embarrassment. Still, that couldn't keep the grin from my face as I walked hand in hand with Dan towards my bedroom.

**D'awwwwwww...**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and sorry if it's a bit rushed, but I wanted to get another chapter up before I go back to school tomorrow :/**

**This chapter may have been a bit boring but don't worry, the next few chapters are gonna be more developed in which Dans family will reappear. Will phan last? Who knows...keep reading to find out (although I'm not sure when I'll be updating next :/)**

**Thank you to everyone who has read my story so far. Its already got over 4,000 views; that's amazing! Please feel free to review as I love hearing from you all :)**

**Until next time,**

**Byeeeeee xxxxxx :P :)**


	20. Chapter 20 - Foreboding

**Hiya everyone, chapter 20 here :) Enjoy, it's a bit of a filler chapter, but I promise the next two chapters are gonna be more interesting :)**

**Dan POV:**

_"The person you have called is not available, please leave your message after the to-_

"Damn it! That bloody bitch!" I groan, slamming my phone down on Phil's bedside table. "I know they are both there, why can't she just let me speak to him?" I run my hand with haste through my rapidly curling hair as I groan in anguish. It had been a few days since I had confessed to my mother and to say she was punishing me would be an understatement. _Confessed? As if the thing I admitted was a crime or something that was deserved of being reprimanded…HA! Since when was accepting the person that god made you a sin? Since when was falling in love and intending to live in happiness a sin? _Still, it didn't stop that gargoyle from treating me like a condemned criminal in any way she knew how.

"Dan, please calm down, she can't keep him away from you forever, he is your brother after all," Phil soothes; the mattress sighing as he sits beside me and wraps a reassuring arm across my shoulders. I rest my head lightly on his and close my eyes for a second. The sun had only begun to peek from behind the horizon but I can already feel the stress of a long day tugging at my eyelids.

"She won't even let me explain," I whisper, tears threatening to fall, "It must have been so frightening for him; seeing her react like that. I'm his big brother; I should be there to protect him from her! She's been pretty harsh on him lately too," I had been fruitlessly trying to contact my brother since that night. It must have been so scary for him. I know he is only one year younger than me, but I feel there is still a child-like innocence there that is vulnerable to my mother's spiteful tongue; innocence I still need to protect. I know he probably hates me for what I am, and probably wants nothing more to do with me, but that doesn't mean I can't try and be the protective older brother I should be; like I always will be, even if he rejects my attempts. Anyway, if not for my own futile delusions of reconciliation, I must do this in order to prove to that bitch that her shallow values will not stop me from seeing my family. She might not like who I am but that doesn't mean she should stop me from doing what I want to do. I can only imagine how she is treating Adrian; her harsh rules and degradation probably tripling now that she only has one son. Even if he hates me, she won't stop him from living his own life. That can be his parting gift from me, as I know that he will want nothing more to do with me after this week.

"I'm sure he's fine Dan," Phil tries to assure, but I am quick to cut him off; standing up from the bed as I begin to pace.

"You don't understand Phil, you didn't see her. It's bad enough that she was controlling of him when she only knew he had a girlfriend. She's gonna think that he knew about me and she'll punish him for it, I can't let that happen to him," I explain, frantic; not even Phil's calming blue eyes enough to sooth me. "I have to speak to him at least one more time; this is my fault that she is being like this and if anything happened to him I don't know what I would do…," I choke; my throat closing as my mind swims with thoughts of my brother.

"Hey Dan, listen," Phil insists, standing up to face me; tilting my chin up so our eyes meet. "I'm sure she would never hurt him; no one is that much of a monster; whatever her views she is still both of yours mother; surely that must count for something,"

"I don't know anymore Phil," I sigh, averting my gaze.

"Phil's right you know Dan," Louise interjects as she enters the bedroom; her shower soaked blonde hair dripping onto her clean, white blouse. "Stop thinking that this is all your fault, and I am sure your brother is fine, after all it's you she is angry with and not him. Anyway, have you considered that maybe Adrian just needs some time to think as well?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, turning to Louise confused.

"Well hearing your brother is gay is a big thing to take in, especially if he then sees him being hurt for it. I'm not saying he hates you for it, but rather he just needs time to comprehend everything,"

"He shouldn't have to comprehend anything though! I'm still the same Dan! I always will be; why should his perspective on me change just because I just happen to prefer boys over girls?" I say, "I don't want to him to think of me differently so I need to talk to him, but that bitch won't let me. I can't have him hate me as well,"

"Dan that's not what I meant. He has lived around your mother for his entire life. He has been subjected to her homophobic views the entire time. He may have even believed it, but seeing his own brother being hurt because of it probably changed his entire perspective and he needs time to think it through," she smiles, placing her hand on my shoulder. _Maybe she's right…_

"Ok, but I still need to protect him," I insist, sighing.

"And you can, when he needs it, but for now try to relax," she sympathizes, placing her hand on my shoulder; rubbing it soothingly, "You've been so busy worrying about everyone else that you don't even realise how much stress you have put yourself under, I mean, you're the one who was hurt, not them,"

"It's not like I don't deserve it, I mean, its stress I have brought upon myself," I frown, exhaling exhaustedly.

"Dan, stop it!" Louise huffs, "I won't tell you again, this is by no way your fault so stop worrying! If anything they should be the ones worrying; worrying about how big of an apology they need to give for treating you like this," I huff defeated at her optimism; if only things were that simple. Still, I have to admire her ability to see the bright side of everything. "Why don't you try and do something to take your mind off things for a while? Clear your head, and then you can think about calling Adrian again, ok"

"Alright," I smile weakly, knowing full well that my thoughts wouldn't stray far from my younger sibling.

"Thank you…you are so loved, you know that don't you bear," she assures with sincerity.

"Yeah…thanks," I smile sadly, although it resembles more of a grimace.

"By oh so many…," I see her grin widen as she gestures over to Phil who is smiling at me softly; comfortingly, before he stands and wraps his arms tightly around my waist; his head resting delicately on my shoulder as I lean back into his embrace.

"Bear?" Phil whispers, chuckling slightly as he kisses my cheek.

"What, Phil Striker?" I respond sarcastically, before elbowing him playfully as he lets out a happy laugh, causing me to relax a little.

"See Dan, when you fill your thoughts with the good, there'll be no room for the bad," Louise says with a glint of empathy in her bright eyes. I nod in response to her kind, wise words before wrapping my arm round Phil's waist protectively and planting a small, but meaningful kiss on his lips. I hear Phil chuckle adorably as we pull away; relishing in each others company and allowing the passion we feel for each other to imprint on our hearts and minds; ready to shield us from what lies ahead.

"Now, seeing as none of us have anything planned for today; who's up for some mortal kombat!? I must warn you, I may have played a couple of times beforehand," he smirks like an excited child; his tongue poking out adorably.

"I accept that challenge Mr Striker," I continue, "Louise?" She groans in mock annoyance, "Ugh, I suppose so, but you know I am only going to fail miserably," Her slight flutter of her eyelashes and devious smirk indicates to me that statement is anything but genuine. She was, in fact, more competitive than I am, and that's saying something, coming from someone who enforced a three week ban on video games after my brother thrashed me…_well, not thrashed…_at Mario Kart, insisting in bitter defeat that video games distracted me from my studies. Given that the incident happened to be around the time of my school entrance exam, I guess that's the only instance where my mother's strict rules have actually worked in my favor. _Vengeance is sweet!_

"Good, lets-a-go!" I chirp, feeling suddenly cheery,

"That's Mario Dan," Phil smirks, ruffling my hair and laughing.

"Shut up!" I shout, feigning annoyance and punching him in the arm, before ushering the two of them out of the bedroom and towards the living room; my worries seemingly forgotten.

**(Some time later)**

**Phil POV:**

To be or not to be; that is the question. Unfortunately, when it comes to Mortal Kombat, there can only be one answer – and it's not the former.

"What the he- Oi stop, hey!?" I pout, my fingers running frantically over my controller in a drastic attempt to pick myself up from this diabolical thrashing; my eyes glued to the screen like lasers. I can hear Louise's loud chortles of mocking from beside me as the game ends; again ending with my crushing defeat and humiliation. _Fail she said... _This has pretty much been the trend of the past six hours.

"That was so unfair; I had a much weaker character than you!"

"Which one are you then Phil?" Dan giggles mockingly from the armchair, "the one on the ground wheezing" I shoot him a look as he lets out a laugh, which Louise quickly reciprocates.

"Ha, no one can challenge the great Louise Pentland; it's a shame Phil, I guess, seeing as you have played _so_ many times before," he sympathizes sarcastically; grinning at me like a madman.

"That's not fair, you kept distracting me" my voice is weak as it cracks with bitter disappointment, earning several sniggers.

"Or maybe you couldn't keep your eyes off me, I mean, I know I'm irresistible," he smirks, giving the best duck pout and pose he can; gasping as a rogue pillow collides with his face from my hands.

"Ha, you wish!" I smile and I see him raise an eyebrow.

"Come 'ere you!" he cries, before pouncing up from the leather chair and jumping on me; myself crying with laughter as he begins to tickle my sides. _My one weakness…_

"No! D-Dan…s-top…ahh…ha" I splutter; squirming.

"Never!" he laughs at my discomfort.

"P-lease…ha ha," I squeak, "Louise…ha…help"

"Alright break it up you two, Dan, you look far too happy for your own good," she sympathizes, as Dan eases up, pouting; before standing to smirk down at me.

"Believe me I was just getting started," he winks, before bending slightly to ruffle my rugged black hair and kiss me swiftly. "Just you wait," Louise's eyes widen, before frowning and clearing her throat.

"Ahem, moving on….soooo," she starts, "What do you wanna do now?"

"Well we're not playing this again, that's for sure," I say, "what time is it anyway?"

"Bout 7 pm…jeez have we been playing video games all day," Dan asks; shocked. I suppose when you're enjoying yourself; the time just escapes your grasp. In reality, I was sort of conscious of how much time we had spent, but Dan looked so happy and relaxed that I couldn't pull him from his pleasant reverie; particularly as this would have inevitably reminded him of his brother. I hope it isn't like how he says it is. Even-though I have never met him in person; Dan is the best evidence I can see that he surely cannot be as hateful or shallow minded as he suspects. Still, as much as I'd like to ask him about it, the worry in his eyes would be too much to bear; worry that at the moment is replaced by happiness, so, despite my numb backside and rapidly squaring blue eyes, I am willing to do anything to keep Dan from that dark place in his head; even if it does mean replacing it with the colorful spectrum of Mario or Sonic for hours on end.

"How about we watch a film, your choice?" I chirp, giving a small smile. Dan's eyes light up like that of a small child's; before going over to browse my DVD collection. I glance over to Louise whose face is a reflection of my own; worried, but soothed by Dan's temporary happiness. She has known Dan a lot longer than I have, and I can only imagine how much these last few days have taken a toll. I suppose it's worse for her than me. She has had the pleasant, or rather unpleasant, opportunity of meeting and conversing with Dan's cruel family; had to sit through endless seemingly pleasurable conversations regarding a multitude of pointless topics; oblivious of their harshness and bitter words towards their son; realizing all of the smiles and pleasantries were just a ploy to hide that spiteful tongue; feeling an immense sense of guilt I could never feel. I give her a small reassuring look, which she returns in kind; the sadness in her eyes dulled slightly.

"Who's up for My Neighbor Totoro?" Dan smiles, handing Louise the remotes, "How did you know it was my favorite?" I smile back graciously as I scoot over slightly to allow Dan to sit beside me; relaxing a little as I drape an arm around his waist and he rests his head on my shoulders. The familiar opening begins to play and I am thankful that the beautiful boy beside me can be happy – if only for a night.

**Dan POV:**

_"Look at you, you're disgusting!" she snarls, glaring at me, "You know people like you don't deserve to live – I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance; I never wanted a son anyway" Tears sting my eyes as the sneering_ _witch steps towards me and I feel myself break; any strength I had mustered in standing up to her had dissipated and now I was a broken little boy. _

_"Y-you d-don't m-m-mean that," my voice cracks as my body is wracked with sobs. "I'm s-still you-your son, I'm still your little boy Dan," A heartbreaking silence screams in the darkness, before being broken by an equally terrifying cackle. _

_"HA! I only have one son, you are just a filthy piece of trash that has leeched off me for years; corrupting my precious Adrian" _

_"No, please…wait? Adrian, where is he?" I ask as I step forward, panic fueling my sudden confidence, "What have you done to him?!" _

_"Oh don't worry, he's where you can't hurt him; can't corrupt him anymore with your sinful behavior," _

_"DAN!...DAN!...DAN, WHERE ARE YOU!?_

_"What are you doing to him?!" I shout; my eyes burning from the tears._

_"DAN….DAN… BIG BROTHER! HELP...MUM, PLEASE!"_

_"You bitch! What did he ever do to you? Leave him alone!" I cry, running away from her to search frantically through the darkness "Adrian!...I'm here, where are you?" _

_"DAN!...DAN!...DAN, WHERE ARE YOU!?_

_"It's no use Daniel, I have to make sure that he isn't like you," she spits, her lips upturned in an evil smirk; her eyes ablaze with hatred. _

_"You can't do this! He didn't do anything wrong! STOP!" I scream at her in a desperate attempt to make her see sense; but the demon only smirks more. _

_"No! You did this Daniel! This is your entire fault; your sinful behavior is torturing him. You will burn in hell and drag him with you"_

_"DAN!...H-HELP ME….DON'T LEAVE ME!" _

_"ADRIAAAAAAAN!" I call; sinking to my knees; my head falling into my hands. _

_"You did this Daniel…why don't you just end it all…you are a virus and you will keep infecting people until everyone you love is gone. You were the spark, now watch them burn…."_

_"DAAAAAAN!" _

_"…your parents…...Adrian…..Louise….,"_

_I glance up as she smirks at me._

_"Phil,"_

I gasp awake as the darkness pulls me from my nightmare. I blink away the bad thoughts as I run a clammy hand through my rapidly curling hair. Glancing round the quaint and cosy living room, I realise we must have fallen asleep while watching the film. However, a sense of confusion hits me as I notice the television is off and a large, red blanket covering the three of us.

"Sorry, but you three just looked so peaceful," My eyes immediately widen as I notice Mrs Lester standing in the doorway; tea in hand. "I was going to wake you up, but you've had such a stressful few days that I thought I would let you sleep"

"Oh…thank you," I smile sheepishly, trying to compose myself as my body was still shaking from my dream.

"Are you alright Dan?" she asks, giving me a sad smile.

"Uh…yeah…just a bad dream is all," I mumble; wincing as the thought causes my head to pound.

"Oh, Phil used to get those all the time, especially when…things happened" she explains. I turn to stare at the peaceful looking boy beside me and smile sadly. He looked so relaxed there, with his ruffled black hair sticking out in all directions and his beautifully carved features lead against the corner of the sofa. It's hard to imagine that the dreams of someone so innocent could ever be so terrifying; it just doesn't bear thinking about. "He would wake up confused and upset, but I would always be there to comfort him. It's just a shame I cannot protect him in his dreams," I nod understandingly. "Still, doesn't mean I cannot be there for him when he wakes up…and you as well," she gives me a look of empathy and I relax a little; I suppose its going to take some getting used to having someone care about you.

"That's very nice of you Mrs Lester; I just keep thinking about my parents…my brother and how much they must hate me….how much damage I have done,"

"You sound like Phil when you say that," she smiles, "He really cares about you, you know; I have never seen him as happy as when he is with you, people can't hate you that much,"

"I just don't understand how they can go from accepting me, to deserting me just based on a few words; a simple facet of my personality," I hang my head as the throbbing in my temple continues.

"I'm sure Phil has told you this plenty of times before but, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are just because someone doesn't agree with you. If they hate you over something you cannot change then it's their loss. You are who are and there are plenty of people who love and care about you for you to forget about the others," I give her an appreciative smile as she winks at me. "Including him," She gestures over to Phil who has begun to stir awake. He blinks frantically as his eyes adjust to the darkness and he grins his trademark smile at me; his tongue poking out, causing my heart to melt.

"Hey sleepy head," I smirk, brushing his fringe from his eyes.

"Hey Dan," he yawns, his eyes widening when he notices his mum by the door; grinning in adoration. "Uh…hi mum,"

"Hey Philly, now that your awake, I need you to do something for me," she asks, "There's someone next to you that needs a bit of comforting right now; I need you to show him that there are people out there that care about him," she smiles at me as Phil immediately flings his arms around my neck; pulling me down so that I am lead facing him.

"Oh Dan," he coos sadly, pulling me closer, as I wrap arms around his waist. "We all care so much about you, please don't think like this," Nose to nose, he rests his forehead against my own and I cannot help but smile, despite the sadness that I feel. I stare longingly into his deep blue orbs and I immediately feel my dream fade away.

"Thank you Phil," I whisper, as I kiss his nose gently, earning a playful giggle from the glassy eyed boy.

"Daniel, Phil would love you even if the entire world was against you, if ever you feel weak from the words they throw, just remember that," Phil's mum beams; tears in her eyes at the sight before her. I cannot help but feel teary at this moment too; Phil has been hurt a lot more than me; had his heart trampled so many times, yet he is willing to give it to me. "As long as you two are together, no one can really hurt yo-," a loud knocking on the door interrupts her heartfelt sentiments. "I'll just go and get that," She quickly exits the room, winking at me as she goes. I cuddle closer to Phil and I rest my head in the crook of his neck. I can hear his heartbeat in time with my own; our own little symphony paying homage to how much we love each other; love that only we can hear. I no longer care about my family; they can go to hell for all I care. If they cannot accept me then that is their decision; they're not going to stop me from loving Phil; the most caring, perfect human being. We wear our scars as armor; our heartbeats our battle cry, ready to take on whatever they have to throw at us.

_"Oh come in, come in, I'm sure you two must have a lot to talk about, just don't start anything ok," _

_"Of course I wouldn't, I just need to speak to him, please it's urgent"_

_"Alright then, follow me, he's through here," _

"Dan, sweetheart, you appear to have a visitor," I hear Phil's mother call as she enters the living room once again. I sit up slightly in confusion at who would want to see me; Phil pouting as I pull away gently.

"Who is it?" I question, yawning slightly. She moves out of the doorway slightly and my eyes go wide in shock; my heart stops beating and my mouth runs dry at the broken boy in front of me; a huge black eye clouding his face.

"A-Adrian," I squeak as a lump forms in my throat.

"H-hey Dan," he whispers, looking at me with the saddest, most remorseful eyes I have ever seen.

**So whaddaya think? Terrible I know, but I really needed to have this filler chapter in order to continue the story :) Warning: There will be lots of angst in the next few chapters, particularly the one after this...**

**Apologies for taking so long to update but I have had SO much school work that I haven't even had time to breath, seriously :( I will try and update sooner next time, but I can't make any promises (please don't hate me) Ugh, taking the three sciences and maths for a-level clearly wasn't my brightest idea :P**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you didn't *sends lion with maltesers for compensation* **

**Also, final thought, what do you think of Dan and Phil's new project, DanandPhilGames? **

**Bye for now,**

**Its-real-to-us :)**


	21. Chapter 21 - Monster

**Hiya everyone, long time no see :) Here's chapter 21, I hope you enjoy, I was quite pleased with this chapter so, I hope you are too ;)**

**Adrian POV:**

"A-Adrian," he mumbles as he looks at me with a sorrowfully questioning gaze, before turning away to face his two friends with equally sombre expressions on their own. _Please don't look at me like that…._

"H-hey Dan," I can only manage a quiet whisper, my voice hoarse and breathing shallow from crying myself to sleep last night. A saddening trend that has haunted me ever since my big brother left.

"Wh-what…how…why are you here?" his voice hardens and my heart thumps in my chest. I shrink as I notice the tears brimming in his eyes, matched only by a gut-wrenching look of hurt and betrayal in them. _He probably hates me now…_

"I…I…I…" I whisper, _hold it together Adrian, it's him who's hurting right now, _"I needed to see you Dan, I-I…I," I cannot help the tears from falling now; I feel my legs weaken beneath me and my shoulders hang in heaviness. My hands find my face and I wince as I brush against my bruised eye. My body is wracked with shattering sobs; seeing him again, alright, it's all too much. As I continue to weep, I feel a pair of warm arms wrap around me and a voice begin to sooth me. Even through tear blurred eyes, Dans tenderness is clear as day.

"Hey, hey…shh….it's ok…its ok," he coos, clutching me closer.

"I'm so sorry Dan….I'm so, so sorry...I wanted to see you…but sh-she…she," A sob shakes my fragile frame; strangling my vocal chords and leaving me blind from tears.

"It's alright Ade, it's alright, you're safe now, I'm here, I'll always be here," I hear him begin to sob and I wish I could believe him. I cling to him tighter; afraid that if I let go he will disappear again; that she will keep him away again, for good this time. I feel him pull away and tilt my chin up to face him; dulling my fear slightly as he gives a small sad, smile.

"Hey, look at me, she can't get to you here, you're safe with me," he rubs gentle circles on my back as I relax, however that doesn't stop her face from haunting me from behind my eyes. I let out a small terrified sob and bury my head in his chest; the thought of her and her wickedness flooding my body with fear; fear that I know will soon reciprocate into regret when she hurts him again – but I can't let that happen, not if I hold onto him tight enough.

**Dan POV:**

_What has she done to him?_ I've seen my brother broken before; shattered by her forcefulness on many an occasion. Nights filled with raised voices and angry altercations ending with a slamming of doors and suffocating silence, but this is different. My brother, a cocky and bold teenager, would normally be able to fight his own battles with a need for minimal comfort. This timid rabbit in the headlights is not my brother; his brash confidence replaced by shyness. Surely this isn't just about what happened that night.

I clutch my shaking little brother tightly, but carefully. He looks so fragile like this. I know he is only one year younger than me but he is still my little brother and that makes me his protector.

"Hey Phil, Louise, mind giving us a few minutes," I whisper in a hushed tone, to which they reply with sympathetic smiles and hastily stand to leave. Phil places his hand on my shoulder and whispers softly,

"Take care of him Dan, we can't all be brave all the time," I give him an appreciative half smile as I watch him and Louise leave; the air heavy as the door closes quietly, leaving us bathed in a sad silence only broken by the hitched breathing of my sobbing sibling.

"Adrian, come on, talk to me," I sooth, breaking apart slightly to lead him over to the sofa; my arm still wrapped protectively around his slender shoulders. "Now, it's you and me, please, tell me what happened,"

"W-w-well, a-after you le-left I tried to run after you b-but she wouldn't let me, I-I'm so sorry Dan," he mutters in between sobs and I grip him tighter.

"He-hey, it's alright, we both know how stubborn she can be," I smile sadly, as I brush his fringe from his watery eyes. He winces as I brush against his bruised skin and I gasp; the angry bruises and large cut above his right eye look far worse than when I had first seen them. I suck in a breath as I try to keep the pain I feel for him reaching my eyes. I would hate for him to worry about me, for it was this that caused such an ugly wound in the first place. Trying to keep my composure, I gently tilt his head up to inspect the injury.

"Did she do this to you, Ade….why?" my voice cracks at the fear that spreads across his face and I know I am not going to like the answer.

"Well…ever since you left, I've been trying to reach you, but she's been so controlling of me…she wouldn't let me out of my room for the entire day afterwards. I wanted to call you, but sh-she took my phone and every time you called she would snatch the phone away from me….I'm so sorry Dan,"

"Oh Adrian…," I whisper with remorse, before pulling him back into my protective embrace.

"I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to see you and know that you were alright. She wa-was so h-horrible and, and I couldn't- I wasn't going to let her do it again," he explains tearfully as his breathing quickens.

"What happened," I ask tentatively, my eyes flicking over to his eye.

"I did what I should have done a long time ago, what you were brave enough to do, I stood up to her, I told her that she was wrong and that she couldn't control me any more…," I see him close his eyes at the recollection and I pull him closer.

"And…," I whisper.

"She hurt me Dan," he mutters, the fear in his voice cutting through me like the sharpest of blades, "I've never seen her so angry, her eyes…she just flipped, she kept hitting me and hitting me; yelling and yelling about how much of a disappointment I was," I feel his heart beat increase and I can see his shaking hands. "Then she started saying how this was all your fault and that was it; I said words I thought I would never say; all the pent up rage I felt towards her j-just erupted…and then I ran, I ran as far away from her as I could,"

"You did the right thing Adrian, you couldn't of lasted there any longer, but, how did you find me? I ask, pulling away to face him.

"Lucky guess really, well, that and I checked your phone when you briefly left your room to go to the toilet after breakfast," he smirks slightly, as I jab him playfully.

"Oi you, I though you were supposed to be upset?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I was, but it's every brother's right to tease his brother and given the way you were smiling I thought you'd perhaps got a girlfriend or something, so how could I resist,"

"Touché, well, you were half right," I cringe slightly at my statement, my very reason to smile the cause of my brother's discomfort.

"You know, I'm not like mum Dan, why make fun of something that someone cannot change, I'm happy for you," he gives me sad smile as I let a few tears slip; relief flooding my system as I see the acceptance in my brothers warm brown eyes.

"Just as long as you let me be best man at your wedding," I jab him again and he lets out a small laugh; the weight lifting off my shoulders at the prospect of at least one person accepting me; besides Phil. Sweet, caring Phil what did I ever do to deserve you? Well, some questions will never have an answer, but I don't care; answers signify the end; the end of a personal journey to discover something, but I don't want our journey to end. We are an open book, shrouded in mystery and it is comforting. Often, when you have done something good, you won't be sure you've done anything at all – and I like that. An answer could lead to speculation; questioning and I cannot afford for the love we feel for each other to be cast into doubt. We must leave the whole world hanging, for only then will we be the ones in control.

"I hope she doesn't find me here,"

**Phil POV:**

"Do you think they're alright in there?" I ask, resting my head on the door; sighing.

"Stop worrying Phil, they'll be fine," Louise soothes.

"I feel so terrible about this, I don't want to be the reason for the rift in Dan's family, I don't want his family to hate him," I hang my head in shame, but Louise is quick to rebuff my self doubt.

"That's enough of that you, " she smiles, "Adrian doesn't hate him, so stop it and seriously, if you'd of met his parents, you seriously wouldn't care what they think, I know Dan doesn't, so neither should you,"

"I suppose, but-" _BANG, BANG, BANG! _I try to reply, but my train of thought is broken by a loud rapping on the door.

"Atta-boy, now I'm gonna go and help your mum in the kitchen, so I suggest you go and see who that is….and smile, Dan really loves you, so no matter what happens you should always remember that," I nod in reluctant agreement as she saunters off towards the kitchen. _BANG, BANG, BANG! _

I run my hand through my silky black locks as I make my way towards the front door; hoping that this unplanned visitor wasn't planning on staying long as there has been enough drama for one day.

_BANG, BANG, BANG!_

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I huff annoyed, hoping it's not Mr Dawson from next door complaining about his blasted hydrangeas or the postman who insists on delivering our parcels at 8am in the morning, as the trying tribulations of this week has really drained my cheeriness and I couldn't be bothered to exchange pleasantries.

_BANG, BANG, BANG!_

"Alright!" I groan, opening the door, "I can only go as- AHH!" I cry out as I feel my back being slammed against the cabinet, my spine colliding painfully with my mother's antique vase, causing it to fall and shatter as she presses a bony arm against my throat

"WHERE IS HE?" she spits; glaring at me through narrowed eyes, pressing her arm firmly against my windpipe.

"Wh-at….ah….stop….please….I….don't," I cough, panic worsening my asphyxiation. "Please, what are you-?" It is only then that it dawns on me who she is and a fear shoots through me; forming a lump in my rapidly closing throat. I cough and splutter as I try to writhe free, but to no avail. "S-s-stop,"

"WHERE IS ADRIAN…TELL ME!" she snarls, and it is only then that I notice the tall, thinning man behind her, "Harold, go and find him!"

"No, you can't….d-Dan…DAN!" I cry. I want to break free but her grip is just too strong. I needed to get away; I needed to protect them. I made Dan like this so I must help him. _You're so weak Phil, this is all your fault…..you let this happen….._

"Dan! Adrian!" I squeak, as I begin to feel lightheaded.

**Dan POV:**

_"Dan! Adrian!"_

"What the hell?" I shout and quickly make my way from the living room, recoiling as I spot the shriveled gargoyle doing_…what the fuck is she doing!?_

"YOU! GET OFF HIM…GET OFF HIM!" I scream a sudden strength surfacing as I try to release Phil from the witches grasp, "Phil! Phil!"

"Harold, stop him!" she growls and my attempts at rescue are quickly halted by my father's tough army grip around my shoulders. "Get off me; leave him alone, he's done nothing wrong…STOP IT!"

"Where is he Daniel? Where is Adrian?" I feel her rancid breath on my face as she steps towards me, releasing her hold on Phil who collapses gasping for air, slumped against the wall.

"You're not going to hurt him again, I know you hate me, but leave him alone!" I struggle and struggle but my father is just too strong.

"Never, he must be protected from scum like you, you don't deserve to live on gods earth Daniel, and I will not let you corrupt him any further,"

"Dan?" I hear a timid voice from behind me and my mind immediately panics. "Oh no, she's found me, she's found me,"

"Adrian, get Louise and Mrs Lester, NOW!" I ask with frantic panic in my eyes but my brother is frozen in fear; a frightened deer in the headlights and the vehicle is closing in. With the speed of a cruel predator, she pounces on him; digging her sharp, manicured nails into his slender arms as he lets out a terrified squeal. The deer has been hit.

"Mum, stop it, stop it, Ow you're hurting me, leave me alone…ah," he is nearing hysterics as she begins to drag him through the hallway; his futile shuffling and panicked writhing painful to see. I want to stop her, but my father is just too strong; I need to protect him, I did this to him; it's not fair, I need to get to him. Out of the corner of my eye I see Phil slowly begin to stand, a look of confused determination across his blue face….and immediately my blood runs cold. He stands like a brave soldier in front of the door and blocks her path; her raging gaze boring into him, but he does not stand down. _Phil…please…don't…_

"Stop this Mrs Howell, leave him alone, you can't force him to go with you," Phil's eyes shine as he tries to reason with her, but the fire from this demon is too strong and she will burn him. With a hatred unlike any other in her eyes she steps towards him; her vice like grip still firmly on my brothers shaking form.

"Get out of my way you stupid boy, you're a fool if you think I'm going to let my son stay with this faggot any longer! Now get out of my way!" she sneers, her temples pulsating in anger. Phil pauses for a second in contemplation before giving her a smirk and stepping closer to her.

"Well…you're gonna have to get through this one first!"

"Phil, no!" I cry, as I continue to struggle. Everything seems to go into slow motion as she lunges at him, my father grabbing Adrian's collar as she pounces on her prey, pinning him against the door as she punches him; again and again….

"YOU! YOU DID THIS, YOU MADE MY SON LIKE THIS, YOU TURNED HIM INTO A DISGUSTING FAGGOT JUST LIKE YOU!" she is practically screaming at him as the blood begins to pour from his face. A slap; a kick; a spiteful word; she is breaking him and no matter how much I scream at her she will not stop. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! You will pay for what you did to me; you will pay for what you did to my family,"

"I didn't do anything you bitch," Phil barks back and I have never seen him so angry, "…and neither did he, all I did was stop your poisoned love from killing him, I saved him from you; you and your vile principles and words, if anything you should pay," he calls as he tries to push against her, but she is just too strong.

Lifting a bony arm she pushes it forcefully to his throat, preventing him from uttering another word. Like a rodent caught in the grasp of a python he splutters and gasps, unable to access vital oxygen. I stare helplessly at my love as she rips him apart; the grip on his throat leaving him defenseless as the light fades from his bright blue eyes; the cracks cemented into his features; his facade slipping. The brave soldier on the front line is being beaten and bruised by her shell fire; only to be left in the depths of no mans land. Like a protective lioness I lunge forward, grabbing my mothers arm. _I cannot let her hurt my little lion. _Momentarily ceasing in the beating she releases him, turning to face me instead. I watch him sink to the floor, his body hitting the ground with a dull thud, causing me to wince.

"GET OFF ME YOU FILTHY FAG!" she screeches with acid tongue, backhanding me and sending me stumbling backwards, "THIS BOY WILL PAY FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE!" Before I have the chance to respond I feel my father grip my collar and drag me out of the front door, pushing me to the ground and blocking the doorway.

"What are you doing you bastard?" I cry; the salted tears poison in my throat "Phil!" I try to get past but he pushes me back, his grip on the door frame solid and he doesn't even budge. I feel my knees go weak as I slump to the ground_…I'm sorry Phil….I'm so, so sorry…_Peaking through the gap I watch helplessly as she beats him; the cracking of ribs and his frightened squeals like needles penetrating my heart….._I'm sorry Phil…I'm so, so sorry….._Despite the pain I continue to watch…_I have failed to protect him and so I must pay the price…_My mother kneels down, perching herself beside Phil's trembling form.

"You are a fool," she whispers spitefully, wrapping her hand around his throat "You are a disgusting crime against humanity that deserves to rot in hell, you have poisoned my son's into thinking your gross abnormality is acceptable and I will not let you interfere any further," Helplessly, I watch as she grasps a piece of shattered china from the vase; I try to shout but my mouth runs dry from shouting and only pathetic squeaks escape my lips…_I'm sorry Phil…I'm so, so sorry….._With a flick of her wrists she drapes the jagged object across his cheek; beads of crimson left reeling in it's wake. His voice breaks as he cries and the agony is evident. She goes to swipe him again but her movements are interrupted by my father; his booming tones breaking the unbearable silence.

"Diane!" With a crazed look in her eye she turns to him, the madness swarming.

"My dear that is enough…don't stoop to his level," In rage fueled hesitance, she drops the shard and stands, staring down at him in loathing. Phil gulps as she releases him, slumping to the side and clutching his cheek with what little energy remains.

"Take that as a warning young man," my mother says solemnly, "I may have been lenient but God won't be," With that she pushes past my father and hauls me to my feet.

"Take a good look Daniel," I crawl towards him and cup his bleeding cheek softly, but he flinches against my touch.

"Phil?" I whimper sadly.

"I-I'm sorry Dan…I'm sorry for what I did to you," He looks up, meeting my mother's gaze with fear and remorse.

"I'm sorry Mrs Howell…I'm sorry for doing this to your son… I forced him to be like that and he's not really like me…I'm the one who deserves to be hurt not him," His voice breaks with every syllable and I just sit there, unable to comprehend his words_…I'm sorry Phil…I'm so, so sorry…_

"Good," she snarls and with a final kick to his ribs storms out, dragging me and my brother with her like rag-dolls. I had no energy to fight back anymore; the reason for my fight broken before my eyes; the fuel to my fire burnt out, no longer able to keep me warm; keep me battling on against her cold.

**Phil POV:**

_I'm sorry my love….I brought this pain upon you…you were fine before you met me…before I ruined everything…I made you a monster…_

Blinking away tears I try to sit up; my vision blurred. The pain is excruciating yet I am numb. All I can think about is him; how I hurt him. Like a samba drum my heart pounds against my ribs and my breath shortens, yet my heartbeat has no rhythm. I feel her hands still clasping down on my wind pipe; the phantom pain a punishment for the lives I've ruined. My gaze travels to the doorway, as the distance between us increases…_Run Dan…just run….run from the devil that I have become…_I close my eyes; the darkness closing in around me…_Daniel Howell I wish I'd never met you…_

"Phil!" a voice squeals, "Phil, oh my God!" I open my eyes weakly; their lids heavy and uncomfortable. A flash of pink and blonde whizzes past me and I feel a pair of soft hands stroking my face, but all feeling has drained from me.

"Phil, hey it's gonna be alright...just stay awake y-yeah…..we'll get help," Louise whispers, the warming familiarity of her voice chasing the demons away - briefly.

"Mrs Lester, come quickly!" she shouts, "…its Phil, he's been hurt!" The shuffling of footsteps greets my ears followed by a shrill cry of terror. I feel myself being pulled into a tight embrace and suddenly my body is wracked with sobs, intensifying the pain that I feel.

"Phil, baby what happened?" my mother whispers hastily "Who did this to you?"…_I cannot tell her the truth…..I cannot expect sympathy…I did this to him…I poisoned him…I deserved everything I got…_She hugs me tighter as I crumble before her eyes, the thought of having to hurt her through my lies once again torturing me. Rocking me gently, like a frightened child, she strokes my hair; matted by scarlet and dampened by tears.

"Shhh….baby shh," she coos "I've got you," With shaking arms I pull away slightly and lean against the wall, placing my head in my shaking hands.

"I'm so sorry Mum…I've made him a monster,"

**(anyone still alive...no...I thought not :P)**

**So, again I hope you enjoyed and I hope it was worth the wait (seriously I have been so busy lately with school work I can't even...)**

**Please feel free to review and I'm gonna try and update more frequently, but I wouldn't hold your breath :( Anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all... I'm also thinking of starting another chaptered fic soon, so look out for that (although at the moment it seems to be a microscopic dot on the horizon but...oh well)**

**Byeee for now xxxx**

**P.S. Did anyone here see Dan's new Danisnotinteresting video and not laugh? (seriously if you did you deserve a lifetime supply of maltesers cause I lost it after about 30 secs XD)**


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